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9/20/2008 c1 xSecondStarToTheRightx
I really liked it! I think you should make a whole story out of it, a Nate/Peggy story! that would be really awesome!
9/10/2008 c1 5StarSteller

Your story was interesting (and that's a compliment.) I have zero idea what the canon is, but I think I got a decent impression about what's going on, and a bit about the personalities of the characters. The dialogue was amazing.

However, for some strange reason, your fanfiction jumps around from being third-person to first person, sometimes within the same sentence. Also, you tend to 'tell' instead of 'show'. Instead of saying someone's embarrassed, perhaps you could mention that their ears or cheeks turned red.

Also, I'm of the opinion that exclamation points should only be used when writing from a character's thoughts or in dialogue. The words themselves should generate excitement without the additional help from the exclamation point. When a good sentences does have an exclamation point, to me it feels like the author is scretching in my ear. Again, this is only my opinion-feel free to ignore this point.

Overall, however, I liked it. Although I can't be a judge of OOCness, I think your characters seemed very human. Good work!

9/2/2008 c1 1angelgrillz
Hey... that was a great story. But as a personal favor to me, (not that you know me or anything) could you write an actual PeggyNate fic? I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

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