for Crash upon the Heavens8/13/2017 c2 Harambegetsu
This shitty series needs to die, as well as the harem hungry retards like you.
This shitty series needs to die, as well as the harem hungry retards like you.
4/16/2012 c3 dark knight
You don't suck you are a great writer. Please try your best writing stories. This story has potential so a rewrite will be even better.
You don't suck you are a great writer. Please try your best writing stories. This story has potential so a rewrite will be even better.
10/28/2009 c2 
1NHarem Foreva
dude, this thing is gay, i mean seriously, your giving sakura the fagish deusch-bag, freaking METAL ELEMENT?and your giving her with her fucking -1 million sized breats to fucking NARUTO? and your also fucking teaching SASUKE of all fucking things, his ELEMENTS ALL-FUCKING-READY?WTFH IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU STUOID FAGISH BITCH?
1NHarem Forevadude, this thing is gay, i mean seriously, your giving sakura the fagish deusch-bag, freaking METAL ELEMENT?and your giving her with her fucking -1 million sized breats to fucking NARUTO? and your also fucking teaching SASUKE of all fucking things, his ELEMENTS ALL-FUCKING-READY?WTFH IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU STUOID FAGISH BITCH?
8/23/2009 c3 7Myra the Dovahkiin
Please in the rewrite pm me, because I don't do author alerts though I'll put ya under fav. author.
7Myra the DovahkiinPlease in the rewrite pm me, because I don't do author alerts though I'll put ya under fav. author.
3/3/2009 c1 1Namathorn
I hope you go to hell! I hope you go to hell and you die! That said I guess its not a snoozer. but it could be better, longer, faster, stronger. now review mine!
1NamathornI hope you go to hell! I hope you go to hell and you die! That said I guess its not a snoozer. but it could be better, longer, faster, stronger. now review mine!
12/26/2008 c3 Malix2
Sigh, this is why I tend to try to stay away from fics that aren't marked as complete, they tend to either get canceled by the author, die off, or take months to wait for them to finish in the meantime I'm reading so many other fics that I lose context when new chapters come out. Oh well. It did seem a bit rushed, and not a lot of detail in the paragraphs.
Sigh, this is why I tend to try to stay away from fics that aren't marked as complete, they tend to either get canceled by the author, die off, or take months to wait for them to finish in the meantime I'm reading so many other fics that I lose context when new chapters come out. Oh well. It did seem a bit rushed, and not a lot of detail in the paragraphs.
12/26/2008 c2 Malix2
Hehe, I liked your author's note at the end of chapter 2. But something has been bothering me for a long time, naruto fanfics writers always say in their fics that naruto was beaten up growing up. I don't remember them saying that in the series, they said he was hated and got nasty looks, but I never remember hearing him being actually physically attacked. Maybe they censored the version of the series I saw, I don't know. I guess it might be assumed, but I never remember them specificially stating it, and the fanfics vary too, in some he was beaten by drunks on his birthdays, in others he's pretty much beaten almost every day and people are constantly trying to kill him. Oh well, I guess it makes for better fics or something. The bloodlines sound cool.
Hehe, I liked your author's note at the end of chapter 2. But something has been bothering me for a long time, naruto fanfics writers always say in their fics that naruto was beaten up growing up. I don't remember them saying that in the series, they said he was hated and got nasty looks, but I never remember hearing him being actually physically attacked. Maybe they censored the version of the series I saw, I don't know. I guess it might be assumed, but I never remember them specificially stating it, and the fanfics vary too, in some he was beaten by drunks on his birthdays, in others he's pretty much beaten almost every day and people are constantly trying to kill him. Oh well, I guess it makes for better fics or something. The bloodlines sound cool.
12/26/2008 c1 Malix2
Well, I've only read the first chapter, but it seems pretty interesting. Also, I'd just like to say thanks for skipping all that earlier stuff that I've read over and over again, it wastes a lot of my free time to read the same background story over and over, it's one thing if things happen much differently then in the series, but the fanfic authors repeat it almost word for word over and over again, it gets kinda old. I suppose it helps those that haven't seen naruto before, but it just gets old after the fifty-billionth time. I don't mind really most of the time, but it was a nice change of pace every once in a while, when authors actually skip the stuff that happens the same instead of using it as an excuse to make their fics longer. I swear, they'll spend a dozen paragraphs stating exactly what happened in the series, only to change one minor detail. I guess I'm ranting a bit too much, but I'm sure other fanfic readers will agree with me from time to time.
Well, I've only read the first chapter, but it seems pretty interesting. Also, I'd just like to say thanks for skipping all that earlier stuff that I've read over and over again, it wastes a lot of my free time to read the same background story over and over, it's one thing if things happen much differently then in the series, but the fanfic authors repeat it almost word for word over and over again, it gets kinda old. I suppose it helps those that haven't seen naruto before, but it just gets old after the fifty-billionth time. I don't mind really most of the time, but it was a nice change of pace every once in a while, when authors actually skip the stuff that happens the same instead of using it as an excuse to make their fics longer. I swear, they'll spend a dozen paragraphs stating exactly what happened in the series, only to change one minor detail. I guess I'm ranting a bit too much, but I'm sure other fanfic readers will agree with me from time to time.
12/14/2008 c1 17Golden Arms
The main issue is that the story does too much in too little a space. Naruto's sudden smart/cool/combat twink factor doesn't have any kind of explanation beforehand, and in the cases of things like these, there should be some kind of discovery about all these nifty abilities.
However, you take so long in getting there with a ton of stuff that isn't needed for the most part, and we all know about anyway. You can simply recap everything in a paragraph or two if it shares absolutely nothing new or important with the readers. You wouldn't describe someone's trip to the toilet, what color it was, how many sheets did they use, and whether or not they washed their hands unless it's critical information that we'll need to know later (perhaps he's having coffee grounds for feces, which would be appropriate for his undiagnosed disease we'll focus on later; or maybe there's a note attached to the toilet paper that indicates the bomb he's sitting on, ala Lethal Weapon 2; or even forgetting to wash his hands breaks one of the rules, and we know he's going to get punished (Breathing Room)).
Just kick back at take a little time with it. You'll get your story out, so let's not cram it all into one chapter like you'll never write again.
17Golden ArmsThe main issue is that the story does too much in too little a space. Naruto's sudden smart/cool/combat twink factor doesn't have any kind of explanation beforehand, and in the cases of things like these, there should be some kind of discovery about all these nifty abilities.
However, you take so long in getting there with a ton of stuff that isn't needed for the most part, and we all know about anyway. You can simply recap everything in a paragraph or two if it shares absolutely nothing new or important with the readers. You wouldn't describe someone's trip to the toilet, what color it was, how many sheets did they use, and whether or not they washed their hands unless it's critical information that we'll need to know later (perhaps he's having coffee grounds for feces, which would be appropriate for his undiagnosed disease we'll focus on later; or maybe there's a note attached to the toilet paper that indicates the bomb he's sitting on, ala Lethal Weapon 2; or even forgetting to wash his hands breaks one of the rules, and we know he's going to get punished (Breathing Room)).
Just kick back at take a little time with it. You'll get your story out, so let's not cram it all into one chapter like you'll never write again.
11/28/2008 c2 3Red Sectoid
Just a little criticism but It seems a little rushed and no ones showing any emotion at all. It's all-
"I'm the kyuubi vessel, son of the fourth, and has two bloodline"
"Oh yeah? that's neat"
No offense. Also what's with some of the choices in the harem poll? Just for the record Ayame and Hana Inuzuka for the win.
3Red SectoidJust a little criticism but It seems a little rushed and no ones showing any emotion at all. It's all-
"I'm the kyuubi vessel, son of the fourth, and has two bloodline"
"Oh yeah? that's neat"
No offense. Also what's with some of the choices in the harem poll? Just for the record Ayame and Hana Inuzuka for the win.