Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Comfortably Numb

7/28/2018 c1 Wyrmraker
The setup you've established has a lot of incredible potential. I am slightly disappointed to see that this has languished for nearly a decade, but, like many good fics that have been 'temporarily' abandoned, I do hope that you manage to come back to it.
6/16/2016 c1 Guest
Do more please?
4/6/2011 c1 4Alrissa
Story has much potential. Just remember the old fanfiction adage: If you make harry a Jedi, Voldemort should get a death star. :)
1/8/2010 c1 Greysh
interresting idea :)
6/2/2009 c1 1Lord Sia
Awesome! Don't leave it hangin' like that! Keep it coming!
12/10/2008 c1 5iamtherealmaverick
Sweet. Neat magical theory there. I hope you continue with it!

~M
9/16/2008 c1 SomeGuyFawkes
Up until "long expository bit follows" it was a good, if somewhat cliché story.

Then the forth wall started to crumble (notes in the middle of a story are rarely a good idea) and the ideas became muddled.

The "expository lump" should be pared down to just the parts that are absolutely necessary for the plot. If a character, such as Harry, is to learn the information; we should learn it as you show us the character learning it (no "expository lumps").

While the writing mechanics are generally good, there is not much apparent plot nor do we yet really care about the protagonist. The story needs better engagement. This first chapter reads mostly like a prologue that could stand to be 30 percent shorter.

Promising qualities are that it appears that Harry will be "high powered" and not necessarily a forgiving pawn of evil old men, etc.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

"It takes remarkable misery to really bring out most people's bad sides." - Real-life history, and experiment, puts the lie to that malarkey. Study any "evil" society or institution. Or google "Stanford prison experiment" to start.

"He was used to controlling himself and supressing (sic) his emotions when necessary." - Harry? When, where? That is not canon. ;-)
9/11/2008 c1 114dogbertcarroll
Damn that was long winded!

I wonder which side he'll join or even if he'll bother to choose sides.
9/2/2008 c1 10Mackon
Nice start.

Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Thanks for sharing.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service