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11/23/2009 c16 Margan
I would like to say that this is a really wonderful story. Pity about the reviews, but it may just be your title/summary. I read the first chapter of the rewrite, but seeing as there was only one chapter, came back to the original. Frankly, your original was great [barring several errors) and I really hope your rewrite will be even better.

Your story really interests me and your plot is well thought out, so far. It's interesting to see how you managed to piece together each part of the story, and your character profiles are amusing. I wish I could write half as well as you do...

Watch out of the two letter words, you keep mixing up the letters or leaving them out. I suggest reading over each paragraph while you collect your thoughts for the next. You'll be able to catch more mistakes. And before you upload it, try to read over it a last time, or get a beta.

I do have an account on , but I'm too lazy to log in. It would better if you could pm me instead, if you chose to reply. I'm afraid that I cannot beta-I only wrote one, incomplete, terrible story. I'm a reader, quite unfortunately, not a writer. ^_^
10/26/2009 c5 1TheJuicyDangler
*Giggle* I like it how Sougo was like, "I wanna reach bankai". I thought that was funny :)

Buut, that's not the only good thing. I really like this story :D
1/6/2009 c15 nystulyahoo.com
Hi, I love your story! I can't wait until your next chapter; I'm hooked. Anyways, keep it up. Jaime
11/29/2008 c15 2Rena the pirate jedi wizard
Ha ha, oh Kaiza, you have learned well the art of making others panic. What is Hinata going to do? and how will anyone be able to explain any of that. I loved Naruto's prank though! I can't wait to read more!
11/29/2008 c15 1Lord Bear
I was beginning to wonder where you'd gotten to :P

lol, for a second I thought the boytoy line from Genma was in the Hokage's office and directed towards Tsunade. I reread it and I wasn't even close to right :P

Idate is as fast as the Yondaime? *raised eyebrow*

I love how you've written Suigetsu and Karin; hardly anyone I've seen ever manages to do a good job with those two.

It looks like you've got some good plans for Yuugito, can't wait to hear about what's happening there!

Keep it up!


Lord Bear
11/2/2008 c14 unknown1
Hi, I love love love your story! It's great. Neji with green hair was brilliant.
11/2/2008 c8 7Gundam-Issac
Sasuke standing in front of an exploding building is just a hilarious mental image.
11/1/2008 c14 1Lord Bear
Very good chapter once again. I like how you managed to identify where the bingo book was from without doing it obviously; especially considering you managed to incorporate it into humour. I thought you did well with the summaries at the start; they cleared up some confusion within my mind, yet didn't ramble on and waste thousands of words.

It will be interesting to see what the deal is with Obito (You're teasing us there!), but the scene I'm most interested in (besides the obvious 'everyone-meets-naruto-again') is Ibiki's reaction to Idate going from some guy who runs in a local village to an S-class ninja (I assume this scene eventually happens?)

Anyway loved the new chapter, keep it up!


Lord Bear
11/1/2008 c14 2Rena the pirate jedi wizard
I laughed so hard at this chapter! It was great! I can not wait to see more. I especially like the explination for Obito though.
11/1/2008 c14 5cdfe88
this time, it was just OK
10/26/2008 c13 cdfe88
Good. But too many profiles in a single chapter IMO.
10/26/2008 c13 2Rena the pirate jedi wizard
Heh, heh, ha ha ha! This will be great! I can not wait for the next chapter. Many people of Konoha won't know what hit them! The others will be in too great of shock to do anything about it. Great advice on Iruka! Yay for rivalries that we don't want others to know they matter! Poor Kakashi though. And Sakura. I LOVE the people you have in the Naruto and Sasuke group. It was great bringing in Obito and Inari (Kaiza {I loved Naruto's logic})...are you going to have Kakashi eventually find out about Obito?
10/25/2008 c9 1Lord Bear
Oh NOW my review comes through!

10/25/2008 c13 Lord Bear
Okay, somehow my review didn't go through. I waited around in case it was delayed, but considering its giving me the option to write this, I must have accidentally shut it.

Pity, it took me a while.

First thing's first; great chapter. I like where you're going with this. Stories where Naruto has some sort of organisation as a nuke-nin, yet joins Konoha at the drop of a hat. Having them keep their distance from Konoha (at least for the moment) is good to see.

Don't spoil your backstory for Obito in the author notes! lol

Loved the "There is speculation that talking about youthfulness may lengthen lifespan. Unsure if this is a welcome outcome." line about Gai; top stuff.

Inari's bingo book entry confused me a little. How did "grandson to influential carpenter." make it in there? Is that really important enough for a bingo book? lol. Also didn't he just decide on being called Kaiza? How did that name get into the bingo book?

Also, which bingo book are these entries from? Are you working on a system of 'every bingo book is standardised so all countries get the same one'? The bingo book used be bounty collectors? Or are these entries from specific countries' bingo books? If they are, it would be a good idea to include which bingo book they are from in the entry.

Very unorthodox to include Idate, I can't say ive ever seen that before. Fresh ideas are always good in my book. I'd like to see him play a big part in the story.

Be careful with Obito though; thoroughly explain how he's there and why he (presumably) hasn't contacted anyone from Konoha. If you don't, you could be setting yourself up for a number of 'this is ridiculous' flame reviews, even though you had a very well thought out and plausible idea.

Also, he wouldn't have a bingo book entry if nobody knows about him still existing. Perhaps he might be known under pseudonym?

The Iruka-Hinata scene has very definate promise, so milk it for all its worth! lol :P

All-in-all, loved the new chapter! Just thought I'd give you a few things to think about. :)

Looking forward to chapter 14! (race you there! :P)


Lord Bear
10/25/2008 c13 Guest
Nice chapter. Loved the "There is speculation that talking about youthfulness may lengthen lifespan. Unsure if this is a welcome outcome." line about Gai; top stuff.

Somewhat confused about this line though:

"grandson to influential carpenter."

How did this make it into the bingo book? lol

Oh and by the way, who's bingo book is this? Are you working on an every-bingo-book-is-standardised system, or a different-one-for-every-party system? It might be worth specifying which.

Don't spoil what you did with Obito in your author notes! lol

Anyway, story's shaping up great at the moment; keep up the good work!


Lord Bear
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