for Hunted7/26/2011 c1 
10mountainlemon
It's a good plot...but I'm going to be honest. I really hate doing this, I'm no professional, but I'm going to critique ;x Sorry if I sound a bit harsh D:!
1. Spell check. - Some words are spelt wrong or are in the wrong position for its meaning (ex. too & to, know & no). If you type out a draft on Microsoft Word, it can usually help with these small mistakes(:
2. Commas & breaking things up! - Comas are a lovely item that can help break up run-ons. Also, try not to cram everything in one sentance. Periods can help(: Here's an example..."The only thing that made him not as normal as the other kids in the world is the fact, that he has ghost powers and is known as the world's hero Danny Phantom, and he was about to be late for class because of a ghost" (I took out the duh part ;x) heres my edit: "The only thing that made him not as normal as the other kids in the world is the fact that he has ghost powers, and is known as the world's hero, Danny Phantom. He was about to be late for class because of a ghost."
3. Abbreviations - abbrvs. are awesome!...when you're texting. If you're posting a REAL story somewhere were people are going to be reading said story, try to spell things out. Ex:"'Thanks, for helping me, and sorry..for knocking YA down...YA know.'Danny said to her." ya correctly spelt is yeah. & even if it wasnt abbrv. it would still be used in the wrong tense here. "Sorry...for knocking YOU down...YOU know." works better. But, I can see where you would use this. You want him sounding more teeny, which I totally get(: in this case, you can write it like this: "Sory...for knocking ya' down.."
Sorry if I came out sounding harsh ): I'm just trying to help you be a better writer, no flame intended(: other than these small mistakes, I found it actually very good. - Em
10mountainlemonIt's a good plot...but I'm going to be honest. I really hate doing this, I'm no professional, but I'm going to critique ;x Sorry if I sound a bit harsh D:!
1. Spell check. - Some words are spelt wrong or are in the wrong position for its meaning (ex. too & to, know & no). If you type out a draft on Microsoft Word, it can usually help with these small mistakes(:
2. Commas & breaking things up! - Comas are a lovely item that can help break up run-ons. Also, try not to cram everything in one sentance. Periods can help(: Here's an example..."The only thing that made him not as normal as the other kids in the world is the fact, that he has ghost powers and is known as the world's hero Danny Phantom, and he was about to be late for class because of a ghost" (I took out the duh part ;x) heres my edit: "The only thing that made him not as normal as the other kids in the world is the fact that he has ghost powers, and is known as the world's hero, Danny Phantom. He was about to be late for class because of a ghost."
3. Abbreviations - abbrvs. are awesome!...when you're texting. If you're posting a REAL story somewhere were people are going to be reading said story, try to spell things out. Ex:"'Thanks, for helping me, and sorry..for knocking YA down...YA know.'Danny said to her." ya correctly spelt is yeah. & even if it wasnt abbrv. it would still be used in the wrong tense here. "Sorry...for knocking YOU down...YOU know." works better. But, I can see where you would use this. You want him sounding more teeny, which I totally get(: in this case, you can write it like this: "Sory...for knocking ya' down.."
Sorry if I came out sounding harsh ): I'm just trying to help you be a better writer, no flame intended(: other than these small mistakes, I found it actually very good. - Em
1/1/2011 c3 45Overlord-Flinx
that's so terrible that that happened to Sam. i hope she feels better. Also she gets to yell at Danny whenever she wants.
-FLINX
45Overlord-Flinxthat's so terrible that that happened to Sam. i hope she feels better. Also she gets to yell at Danny whenever she wants.
-FLINX
1/1/2011 c1 Overlord-Flinx
it's very nice. Danny and Sam sure have changed. i wonder what happened to tucker. i know it's the first chapter but I'm just wondering.
-FLINX
it's very nice. Danny and Sam sure have changed. i wonder what happened to tucker. i know it's the first chapter but I'm just wondering.
-FLINX
12/21/2010 c5 luna
you did it again,leaving it off at the best part,grrrrrrr! keep up the great work
you did it again,leaving it off at the best part,grrrrrrr! keep up the great work
12/21/2010 c4 luna
wtf u cant just spring something up like that,ur a greaat writer and i hope i get to read the rest soon.
wtf u cant just spring something up like that,ur a greaat writer and i hope i get to read the rest soon.
11/23/2010 c5 Codie
I love it us such a good twist :) poor danny :(
I love it us such a good twist :) poor danny :(
11/23/2010 c5 Codie
I love it us such a good twist :) poor danny :(
I love it us such a good twist :) poor danny :(
8/15/2009 c4 Purplerain105
Aww sad! Bummer for Sam! I can't wait for the next cHAPTER THOUGH! (AS ALWAYS!)
Banana!
Aww sad! Bummer for Sam! I can't wait for the next cHAPTER THOUGH! (AS ALWAYS!)
Banana!
6/4/2009 c4 15ShadowDragon357
HO CRAP! YOU NEED TO UPDATE! hehhe, that cute lil girls B-day, I read it July 18 instead of June 18, and I Got excited caise July 18 is my birthday, Anyway...UPDATE SOON OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF BUTTERSCOTCH! MY BEAR THAT I MADE IN HELL!(coughBUILD-A-BEAR!cough)
15ShadowDragon357HO CRAP! YOU NEED TO UPDATE! hehhe, that cute lil girls B-day, I read it July 18 instead of June 18, and I Got excited caise July 18 is my birthday, Anyway...UPDATE SOON OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF BUTTERSCOTCH! MY BEAR THAT I MADE IN HELL!(coughBUILD-A-BEAR!cough)
10/18/2008 c1 MARISSA MANNEL FROM KANSAS
Loved it!
Loved it!
10/17/2008 c1 3Physicbybirth
oh okay, for 'little old you', ill review...
very good
what grade are they in?
Plz keep up the good writing.
sry i haven't been adding more stories
should be adding one soon. (hopefully)
AND...you should keep writing until your brain fries!
From: the mysterious childofdannyphantom
3Physicbybirthoh okay, for 'little old you', ill review...
very good
what grade are they in?
Plz keep up the good writing.
sry i haven't been adding more stories
should be adding one soon. (hopefully)
AND...you should keep writing until your brain fries!
From: the mysterious childofdannyphantom
9/21/2008 c1 dannyp3995
i loved it! you gotta finish the story! i love how youve changed their outfits!
i loved it! you gotta finish the story! i love how youve changed their outfits!