
6/1/2019 c1 LostInShadowClan
Just got even more confuzzeled...
Do cats even know what Vannila is? Or Inkspot? Shut your Dumb-ass mouth.
Sorry for my language but think about it. Really?
Fish sticks you too. You really aren't the greatest at spelling, and nor am I, but I'm using this amazing feature called...
AUTOCORRECT!
Just got even more confuzzeled...
Do cats even know what Vannila is? Or Inkspot? Shut your Dumb-ass mouth.
Sorry for my language but think about it. Really?
Fish sticks you too. You really aren't the greatest at spelling, and nor am I, but I'm using this amazing feature called...
AUTOCORRECT!
6/1/2019 c1 LostInShadowClan
Also, Solorpaw? Solarpaw? Sliverpaw? Valorpaw? What? I'm very.
C
Co
Con
Conf
Confu
Confuz
Confuzz
Confuzze
Confuzzel
Confuzzele
Confuzzeled
Confuzzele
Confuzzel
Confuzze
Confuzz
Confuz
Confu
Conf
Con
Co
C
Please explain these names?
Also, Solorpaw? Solarpaw? Sliverpaw? Valorpaw? What? I'm very.
C
Co
Con
Conf
Confu
Confuz
Confuzz
Confuzze
Confuzzel
Confuzzele
Confuzzeled
Confuzzele
Confuzzel
Confuzze
Confuzz
Confuz
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C
Please explain these names?
6/1/2019 c1 LostInShadowClan
Blondpaw? Blandpaw? Blondepaw? Bloompaw? Bloodpaw? What?
Blondpaw? Blandpaw? Blondepaw? Bloompaw? Bloodpaw? What?
6/7/2017 c1 Haiku by Wow
Haha Blondpaw
You're not good with names
Really Blondpaw
Haha Blondpaw
You're not good with names
Really Blondpaw
6/7/2017 c2 AyeItsLondon
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...
Waiting yet? Okay.
You said that the author of the Warriors Fanfiction, Shadowed, shouldn't be on here if the don't know how to write. Have you seen YOUR writing?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...
Waiting yet? Okay.
You said that the author of the Warriors Fanfiction, Shadowed, shouldn't be on here if the don't know how to write. Have you seen YOUR writing?
8/7/2015 c1 Brambleblaze67
I like it! Just...Vanillasky? I don't think that warriors, let alone cats, know what vanilla is...but other than that, great job so far!
I like it! Just...Vanillasky? I don't think that warriors, let alone cats, know what vanilla is...but other than that, great job so far!
3/12/2015 c3 Guest
This isn't a bad story. I don't know why so many people are flaming you, its stupid. The names aren't bad, they're just creative. I really think some people on fanfiction can just be complete assholes.
This isn't a bad story. I don't know why so many people are flaming you, its stupid. The names aren't bad, they're just creative. I really think some people on fanfiction can just be complete assholes.
9/18/2011 c1
5ShayNanigans
This is...bad. Your grammar is terrible and nothing is happening nor is it set up to be. My main problem is that there is some good criticisms in your reviews but you see them all as flames and worse, you tell them to go flame a different story. That's pretty selfish.
Also, I'm just going to make a list on all the stupid names and why they won't work. There's that many:
Cloversong - Clover is a fine prefix but the suffix makes no sense since clovers can't sing.
Silentshadow - Silentkit is not the greatest name. Maybe Silentstep would work better.
Darkstripes - Ditch the plural. Also, cats can't have red eyes. The closest they can get to red is orange or amber.
Glacialheart - They don't know what glacial means.
Coaltalon - Ther probably don't know what coal is.
Lilydale - What is a dale? Lily is a fine prefix though.
Almondpelt - They don't know what almonds are.
Vanillasky - They don't know what vanilla is.
Moonlightpath - Moonlightkit...Pretty stupid name. Moonpath wouldn't work either. The moon is very important to the Clans and rarely used in canon.
Slashfire - Slashkit...
Blondpaw - They don't know what blonde means. Also, blue-purple eyes are impossible for any mammal to have.
Inkpaw - They don't know what ink it. Camel eyes makes no sense either.
Solorpaw - They don't know what solor means. Red eyes are impossible to have.
Puddlesplash - The name is good but honey green is not a color. Honey is a golden color.
Nightwind - Again with Puddlesplash. It's a okay name but blonde eyes makes no sense. Yellow eyes makes more sense then blonde.
Artickit - They don't know what the artic is
Dreamkit - Dream is never used in canon. It's best to stick with canon suffixes and prefixes then making up your own.
Quietkit - Why would a queen name their kit Quietkit? Newborn kits hardly speak as it is. Also, golden green eyes makes no sense. Golden is a yellow-brown color.
Crystalkit - They don't know what crystals are.
Shinekit - Cats don't shine. They can have shiny fur, but that's it.
Flashwind - Flash isn't that great of a prefix.

This is...bad. Your grammar is terrible and nothing is happening nor is it set up to be. My main problem is that there is some good criticisms in your reviews but you see them all as flames and worse, you tell them to go flame a different story. That's pretty selfish.
Also, I'm just going to make a list on all the stupid names and why they won't work. There's that many:
Cloversong - Clover is a fine prefix but the suffix makes no sense since clovers can't sing.
Silentshadow - Silentkit is not the greatest name. Maybe Silentstep would work better.
Darkstripes - Ditch the plural. Also, cats can't have red eyes. The closest they can get to red is orange or amber.
Glacialheart - They don't know what glacial means.
Coaltalon - Ther probably don't know what coal is.
Lilydale - What is a dale? Lily is a fine prefix though.
Almondpelt - They don't know what almonds are.
Vanillasky - They don't know what vanilla is.
Moonlightpath - Moonlightkit...Pretty stupid name. Moonpath wouldn't work either. The moon is very important to the Clans and rarely used in canon.
Slashfire - Slashkit...
Blondpaw - They don't know what blonde means. Also, blue-purple eyes are impossible for any mammal to have.
Inkpaw - They don't know what ink it. Camel eyes makes no sense either.
Solorpaw - They don't know what solor means. Red eyes are impossible to have.
Puddlesplash - The name is good but honey green is not a color. Honey is a golden color.
Nightwind - Again with Puddlesplash. It's a okay name but blonde eyes makes no sense. Yellow eyes makes more sense then blonde.
Artickit - They don't know what the artic is
Dreamkit - Dream is never used in canon. It's best to stick with canon suffixes and prefixes then making up your own.
Quietkit - Why would a queen name their kit Quietkit? Newborn kits hardly speak as it is. Also, golden green eyes makes no sense. Golden is a yellow-brown color.
Crystalkit - They don't know what crystals are.
Shinekit - Cats don't shine. They can have shiny fur, but that's it.
Flashwind - Flash isn't that great of a prefix.
4/30/2011 c3 Twist
...uhh. How is this AT ALL relevant to the beginning of the four Clans? In your prologue (which is spelled incorrectly in the chapter list, by the way), you had your characters state that they would tell the story of the beginning of the four Clans, and yet you have us open into a setting where there are already Clans firmly set in place. Unless you're going to pick it up again sometime later, which is just an awkward location.
Cats don't know what ink is. Neither do they know of the word "solar." They are also unaware of the word "blond." In any case, it should be Blondepaw, as your character is female...I hope.
"Inkpaws should be "Inkpaw's."
"Sheeplishly"? I believe it's "sheepishly."
Hissing, Blondpaw stalked over to Inkpaw, who was eating a mouse from the fresh-kill pile.]
WOW. Inkpaw moves FAST. Last time we saw him, he was "snoozing soundly" in the apprentice den, and there was no mention at all of him having left the den! Inkpaw has now gained the marvelous ability to manipulate the time-space continuum!
"Carmel." CARMEL? What the heck is "carmel"? It isn't even a word...
Ohh, Blondpaw has "blue-purple" eyes now? What is this?
Please put some apostrophes in for possession. Please.
Noticing her mentors voice Blondpaw jumped up and flowed him into the woods.]
"Flowed" him? FLOWED him? What is she now, a river or something?
Blondpaw walked through the entrance to the the RainClan camp, walked over to the freshly rebuilt fresh-kill pile, taking a rabbit and a mouse of two walked over to the nursery.]
There is NO transition at all between this sentence and the one preceding it. Blondpaw takes one step into the woods, then immediately turns back around and returns to camp? What? I thought she had training, lawl.
Also, a "mouse of two." Of two what?
These are only a few things that I'm pointing out here. I hope you'll review your fic yourself and find the other mistakes. That's part of being a good writer, remember.
Happy writing!
...uhh. How is this AT ALL relevant to the beginning of the four Clans? In your prologue (which is spelled incorrectly in the chapter list, by the way), you had your characters state that they would tell the story of the beginning of the four Clans, and yet you have us open into a setting where there are already Clans firmly set in place. Unless you're going to pick it up again sometime later, which is just an awkward location.
Cats don't know what ink is. Neither do they know of the word "solar." They are also unaware of the word "blond." In any case, it should be Blondepaw, as your character is female...I hope.
"Inkpaws should be "Inkpaw's."
"Sheeplishly"? I believe it's "sheepishly."
Hissing, Blondpaw stalked over to Inkpaw, who was eating a mouse from the fresh-kill pile.]
WOW. Inkpaw moves FAST. Last time we saw him, he was "snoozing soundly" in the apprentice den, and there was no mention at all of him having left the den! Inkpaw has now gained the marvelous ability to manipulate the time-space continuum!
"Carmel." CARMEL? What the heck is "carmel"? It isn't even a word...
Ohh, Blondpaw has "blue-purple" eyes now? What is this?
Please put some apostrophes in for possession. Please.
Noticing her mentors voice Blondpaw jumped up and flowed him into the woods.]
"Flowed" him? FLOWED him? What is she now, a river or something?
Blondpaw walked through the entrance to the the RainClan camp, walked over to the freshly rebuilt fresh-kill pile, taking a rabbit and a mouse of two walked over to the nursery.]
There is NO transition at all between this sentence and the one preceding it. Blondpaw takes one step into the woods, then immediately turns back around and returns to camp? What? I thought she had training, lawl.
Also, a "mouse of two." Of two what?
These are only a few things that I'm pointing out here. I hope you'll review your fic yourself and find the other mistakes. That's part of being a good writer, remember.
Happy writing!
4/30/2011 c2 Twist
You've become quite noticeable over FF, so I thought I'd drop by and read a fic of yours. It seems you've edited it, according to the reviews.
...ah, first off. Your title is spelled incorrectly. It's "beginning." You also may want to capitalize the words in it.
Now, just for this chapter. Why is "middle" capitalized? It's not a proper noun. "Elders" should have an apostrophe at the end of it to indicate possession.
...cats don't know what jade is. Fix that. "Clans" should be capitalized constantly. It's a canon aspect. Furthermore, check your dialogue grammar.
Jadekit's sleek white pelt shone in the moon light, her front black paws and her gray hind paws were making hardly any sounds as she jumped up and down on the grass floor of the elders den. Her bright Jade green eyes sparkled.]
...purple freaking prose. Look it up. And why the heck is "jade" capitalized? "Elders" should, again, have an apostrophe for possession.
...yew-colored eyes. Do you perhaps mean the shade of yew leaves, which would be green, or the hue of yew bark, which would be brown? Do tell.
Ah, yes, the "begging" of the four Clans! I would love to hear that too!
...please check your dialogue grammar. It's suffering a severe lack of commas. Please.
"Well, I won't be able to sleep so sure." Watercloud lay down around the kits, her dark gray fur giving off a silver sheen by the moon light seeping through the cracks in the elders den.
Lilydawn walked over her black pelt gleaming and her ocean blue eyes glazed over like she was looking into the past.]
MORE PURPLE PROSE. Just because one can depict subjects using trite, overused descriptions does not mean that one is a good writer, sweetie. Part of being a good writer means finding new ways to express the same ideas.
"Well, listen closely little ones." Yewberry began, "It started seasons ago, many moons before this, many moon even before I was born...]
"Many moon"? I'm sure "many" is supposed to modify a plural noun.
Personally, if you're truly sixteen (as it says on your profile), you can afford to care about your writing and get a good beta or something. (: I don't know how long you've been on this site, but despite having been on this site only a year (I'm currently fourteen), I can tell you that if you'd like to become a better writer, at least fix some of your more ridiculous mistakes.
Have fun with this fic. I hope you'll improve it sometime soon; I'd like to see what you can do with this. (:
You've become quite noticeable over FF, so I thought I'd drop by and read a fic of yours. It seems you've edited it, according to the reviews.
...ah, first off. Your title is spelled incorrectly. It's "beginning." You also may want to capitalize the words in it.
Now, just for this chapter. Why is "middle" capitalized? It's not a proper noun. "Elders" should have an apostrophe at the end of it to indicate possession.
...cats don't know what jade is. Fix that. "Clans" should be capitalized constantly. It's a canon aspect. Furthermore, check your dialogue grammar.
Jadekit's sleek white pelt shone in the moon light, her front black paws and her gray hind paws were making hardly any sounds as she jumped up and down on the grass floor of the elders den. Her bright Jade green eyes sparkled.]
...purple freaking prose. Look it up. And why the heck is "jade" capitalized? "Elders" should, again, have an apostrophe for possession.
...yew-colored eyes. Do you perhaps mean the shade of yew leaves, which would be green, or the hue of yew bark, which would be brown? Do tell.
Ah, yes, the "begging" of the four Clans! I would love to hear that too!
...please check your dialogue grammar. It's suffering a severe lack of commas. Please.
"Well, I won't be able to sleep so sure." Watercloud lay down around the kits, her dark gray fur giving off a silver sheen by the moon light seeping through the cracks in the elders den.
Lilydawn walked over her black pelt gleaming and her ocean blue eyes glazed over like she was looking into the past.]
MORE PURPLE PROSE. Just because one can depict subjects using trite, overused descriptions does not mean that one is a good writer, sweetie. Part of being a good writer means finding new ways to express the same ideas.
"Well, listen closely little ones." Yewberry began, "It started seasons ago, many moons before this, many moon even before I was born...]
"Many moon"? I'm sure "many" is supposed to modify a plural noun.
Personally, if you're truly sixteen (as it says on your profile), you can afford to care about your writing and get a good beta or something. (: I don't know how long you've been on this site, but despite having been on this site only a year (I'm currently fourteen), I can tell you that if you'd like to become a better writer, at least fix some of your more ridiculous mistakes.
Have fun with this fic. I hope you'll improve it sometime soon; I'd like to see what you can do with this. (:
8/21/2010 c3 DarkSoulVamp19
Your story completely is a waste of fucking time to read, stop mastrubating with the plot and characters, take it somwhere else where other people don't have to read it.
Your story completely is a waste of fucking time to read, stop mastrubating with the plot and characters, take it somwhere else where other people don't have to read it.
8/5/2010 c2 XxJabberjayxX
LOL! This was just terrible. It made me laugh. Blondpaw? Could you have at least spelled it correctly?
*Added to my community. Welcome to The Hall of Shame!
-FG
LOL! This was just terrible. It made me laugh. Blondpaw? Could you have at least spelled it correctly?
*Added to my community. Welcome to The Hall of Shame!
-FG
4/11/2010 c3
31Blonde Pickle Mule
Hi! Seeing as you took the time to review one of my stories, I decided to swing by a few of yours. I'm quite surprised by the negative feedback to this story so far. Your gammar may not be perfect, but I don't think it's terrible.
And as for people bashing on your names, I thought that some of them were quite inventive, and it's your story, you can name your characters whatever you want.
You have good promise in your writing, I can tell that from the type of adjectives that you're using, you will be an amazing writer with a little practise. I hate flamers personally if they don't give you any feedback that's worthwhile.
If you enjoy writng the things you do then you keep on doing it and don't let anyone stop you!
Blonde Pickle Mule over and out!
:) xx

Hi! Seeing as you took the time to review one of my stories, I decided to swing by a few of yours. I'm quite surprised by the negative feedback to this story so far. Your gammar may not be perfect, but I don't think it's terrible.
And as for people bashing on your names, I thought that some of them were quite inventive, and it's your story, you can name your characters whatever you want.
You have good promise in your writing, I can tell that from the type of adjectives that you're using, you will be an amazing writer with a little practise. I hate flamers personally if they don't give you any feedback that's worthwhile.
If you enjoy writng the things you do then you keep on doing it and don't let anyone stop you!
Blonde Pickle Mule over and out!
:) xx
1/24/2010 c1
24An Elemental Realist
-yawns and reads my old flame- Oh, god Lord! XD Mind if I give you some real advice, ma dear?
Silentshadow]
'Shadow' is not a canon suffix; therefore, it is void in the realm of Warriors fanfiction. Try Silentstep. :) It rolls off the tongue nicely.
Darkstripes]
Is there any reason as to why 'Darkstripe' is in the plural? Take off the final 's'.
RainClan]
LOL. RainClan? Why don't you just throw in the actual Clans. They're not as stereotypical. XD
Blondpaw]
Cats can only view two distinct colors-green and blue-so try to avoid any prefix that's color-related.
Swiftwind]
Butt out 'wind', and it'll look like less of an atrocity.
Rainstar-dark grey tom with bright blue eyes.]
Incorrect. It should be...
"Rainstar: a dark gray tom with a set of brilliant blue eyes."
The adj. 'bright' is too recycled. DX You also forgot that hyphens connect only two words or an incomplete thought.
-
Well, that's some critique for now.
J.B.,
Of Fateful Fireheart

-yawns and reads my old flame- Oh, god Lord! XD Mind if I give you some real advice, ma dear?
Silentshadow]
'Shadow' is not a canon suffix; therefore, it is void in the realm of Warriors fanfiction. Try Silentstep. :) It rolls off the tongue nicely.
Darkstripes]
Is there any reason as to why 'Darkstripe' is in the plural? Take off the final 's'.
RainClan]
LOL. RainClan? Why don't you just throw in the actual Clans. They're not as stereotypical. XD
Blondpaw]
Cats can only view two distinct colors-green and blue-so try to avoid any prefix that's color-related.
Swiftwind]
Butt out 'wind', and it'll look like less of an atrocity.
Rainstar-dark grey tom with bright blue eyes.]
Incorrect. It should be...
"Rainstar: a dark gray tom with a set of brilliant blue eyes."
The adj. 'bright' is too recycled. DX You also forgot that hyphens connect only two words or an incomplete thought.
-
Well, that's some critique for now.
J.B.,
Of Fateful Fireheart
6/24/2009 c1
2xxouchibitmytonguexx
Terrible names much... Seriously. Blondpaw? You didn't even spell it right! It would be Blondepaw.

Terrible names much... Seriously. Blondpaw? You didn't even spell it right! It would be Blondepaw.