Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Time Travel

11/16/2019 c2 4eragon95159
Continue and update please soon.
10/12/2017 c2 Dnicky01
Please update soon it sounds really good can't wait to read the rest!
2/17/2013 c1 21Guinevere137
he should bring Garrow back. nuff said.
2/2/2013 c2 jokstar
the only excuse for this kind of delay is if you're dead
4/23/2011 c2 1
wtf
3/18/2011 c2 Kilana89
plz finnish
2/15/2010 c2 10Addy.is.not.a.Laddy
well, if you really want my help, then I got a few tips. First, make your chapters longer. If you can't think of anything, then reread the books, or ask reviewers for opinions. Generally the reason that stories fail so often is that one loses inspiration, so yeah. Also, on the 14th line fron the top, not counting spaces, you spelled minute minuet. A minuet is a type of song. Please read over your fic carefully before you publish it to ensure that all such mistakes not caught by spell check can be fixed... Complete all your sentences and thoughts, and balance all of that dialogue with a bit more action. It will help bring you story to life. That will transform a fic. See below for an example.

“Hello Eragon,” said Angela.

“Hello, fine morning isn’t it,” said Eragon.

“Yes it is, well I must be going I need to collect some toadstools for a stew I’m making. See you around Eragon.”

“Kay, see you around Angela,” said Eragon. When he walked into Nasuada’s tent Nasuada was talking to Arya.

“Hello Eragon,” said Arya and Nasuada.

To this. (With various editing)

“Hello Eragon,” Angela glanced at him, before she continued stirring one of the many steaming pots in her tent intently.

“Hello, fine morning isn’t it,” Eragon said offhandedly, wondering vaguely what Angela was making.

“Yes it is. Well, I must be going I need to collect some toadstools for a stew I’m making." She pulled the long wooden spoon she was using to stir the pot out, and set a large lid on said pot. "See you around Eragon.” She hurried out to collect her toadstools.

“Oh, well then I'll see you later.” Eragon said slowly. That had been rather abrupt. He followed Angela out of her tent and began walking aimlessly through the maze of tents. He reached Nasuada's eventually, and pulled up the front flap, entering casually. He notices Arya was there instantly, and it took him a moment to realize she had been talking to Nasuada, but stopped when he had walked in.

“Heil, Shur'tugal." She commented mildly, and flashed him a small smile, before waiting to hear why he had come.

-

I only did up to that part because I don't agree with where this story is going, and so it would turn out much more drastically changed than I think that you want. You say "Eragon said" or "Arya said" too much.
2/9/2009 c2 2fieryhairedmaiden
This story is good. You should continue it. Original idea!
10/1/2008 c1 Dragga12
Cool story justyou rush way to fas. But I liked it :D yay claps for twilight!
9/25/2008 c2 1firedragon315
hey um please write longer chapters
9/25/2008 c1 tavisa
Good idea! I hope you continue your story.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service