for The Litany6/2/2009 c1 
9Amrun
I like the idea of this; it's cute. I like how it captures Bleeker's passive aggressiveness.
However, short as this piece is, it's rife with mechanical issues. Your punctuation is faulty, especially in association with dialogue. You also have a lot of erroneous commas.
The concept was good but it was ruined for me by grammar problems. The great thing about grammar problems, though, is that they are easily fixed! :]
9AmrunI like the idea of this; it's cute. I like how it captures Bleeker's passive aggressiveness.
However, short as this piece is, it's rife with mechanical issues. Your punctuation is faulty, especially in association with dialogue. You also have a lot of erroneous commas.
The concept was good but it was ruined for me by grammar problems. The great thing about grammar problems, though, is that they are easily fixed! :]
10/12/2008 c1 1WeirdDolly
Aww, poor Bleek. Some parents should learn to put what their kids want before what they want.
Great job at capturing Bleeker's feelings. Your good at Juno fics.
1WeirdDollyAww, poor Bleek. Some parents should learn to put what their kids want before what they want.
Great job at capturing Bleeker's feelings. Your good at Juno fics.
10/4/2008 c1 3Cinnamon Cigarettes
I really love the way you write Paulie. This sounds like things I can really imagine going through his head. Especially the way he compares himself to Leah and Juno.
It seems like he thinks he comes up short. But at the same time, he knows what he's good at. And that's good enough for him.
3Cinnamon CigarettesI really love the way you write Paulie. This sounds like things I can really imagine going through his head. Especially the way he compares himself to Leah and Juno.
It seems like he thinks he comes up short. But at the same time, he knows what he's good at. And that's good enough for him.
10/1/2008 c1 6oranges and cigarettes
I really love the way you write Polly. I think you just get him, especially things like, "He’s not Juno – he can’t fight her down and then stalk to his room like a champion.
He’s not Leah – he can’t raise an eyebrow, put a hand on his hip and sass her to humiliation, and then walk to his room with his held high.
He’s just Bleeker. Paulie Bleeker, who knocked up his best friend, had his heart broken and none of it was his fault. Paulie Bleeker, who wants things, and never has the courage to get them.
Paulie Bleeker, and the only thing he was good at was running."
6oranges and cigarettesI really love the way you write Polly. I think you just get him, especially things like, "He’s not Juno – he can’t fight her down and then stalk to his room like a champion.
He’s not Leah – he can’t raise an eyebrow, put a hand on his hip and sass her to humiliation, and then walk to his room with his held high.
He’s just Bleeker. Paulie Bleeker, who knocked up his best friend, had his heart broken and none of it was his fault. Paulie Bleeker, who wants things, and never has the courage to get them.
Paulie Bleeker, and the only thing he was good at was running."