for A Beautiful Disaster11/18/2013 c9 
5ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor
I finally got back to reading this and discovered that I hadn't reviewed the last chapter.
This is good because it means I can give you a review of my re-read.
As we discussed on line, I think that once you are done you may be able to make the overall story less confusing by condensing some info and getting rid of scenes that are not advancing the story or developing character.
Only you can know which ones are essential and which are not, but you maybe able to combine the best things of a character development chapter with a chapter which advances the story and gives essential clues as to the mystery of Celia's origens.
This is a really good story though. I feel like there is a very 'them and us' feel about coming from Evan, which is making Celia feel even more miserable, especially regarding her relationship with Phillip.
I really don't want to let go the idea of the two of them marrying, but I don't know how that would work with the hostility of the voices in the wind and all that.
I feel like Philip needs her beside him, and that once she has healing from her fears she would be a great queen: bringing so much peace to the kingdom.
There is something else I would love to see happen. That is Sven turning out to be a friend instead of just a nasty old gossip. I have just been watching Sense and Sensibility again (Emma Thompson version), and it struck me how Mrs Jennings was actually a very loving kind woman even though she was very inappropriate and interfering at times and a notorious gossip. It is such a good thing for people who live with fear like Celia does, to discover that those she thought of as enemies, are actually well meaning, just insensible to the harm their loose tongues do others. Sometimes it is because they have accepted the prejudice of others, sometimes it is thoughtlessness on their part, never imagining the pain that slander could have on others. He needs to learn a lesson, as does Faye, but it would be good if they were not beyond redemption... An annoying person who you can't really trust, but who you CAN tolerate and even enjoy in small doses, is much better than a person to dread and cower from.
Anyway, all the best of love and prayers for the re-write.
May God guide your mind, and fingers (?), along paths that he would have you go.
Love from
Eva
5ElvishKiwis Venerated AncestorI finally got back to reading this and discovered that I hadn't reviewed the last chapter.
This is good because it means I can give you a review of my re-read.
As we discussed on line, I think that once you are done you may be able to make the overall story less confusing by condensing some info and getting rid of scenes that are not advancing the story or developing character.
Only you can know which ones are essential and which are not, but you maybe able to combine the best things of a character development chapter with a chapter which advances the story and gives essential clues as to the mystery of Celia's origens.
This is a really good story though. I feel like there is a very 'them and us' feel about coming from Evan, which is making Celia feel even more miserable, especially regarding her relationship with Phillip.
I really don't want to let go the idea of the two of them marrying, but I don't know how that would work with the hostility of the voices in the wind and all that.
I feel like Philip needs her beside him, and that once she has healing from her fears she would be a great queen: bringing so much peace to the kingdom.
There is something else I would love to see happen. That is Sven turning out to be a friend instead of just a nasty old gossip. I have just been watching Sense and Sensibility again (Emma Thompson version), and it struck me how Mrs Jennings was actually a very loving kind woman even though she was very inappropriate and interfering at times and a notorious gossip. It is such a good thing for people who live with fear like Celia does, to discover that those she thought of as enemies, are actually well meaning, just insensible to the harm their loose tongues do others. Sometimes it is because they have accepted the prejudice of others, sometimes it is thoughtlessness on their part, never imagining the pain that slander could have on others. He needs to learn a lesson, as does Faye, but it would be good if they were not beyond redemption... An annoying person who you can't really trust, but who you CAN tolerate and even enjoy in small doses, is much better than a person to dread and cower from.
Anyway, all the best of love and prayers for the re-write.
May God guide your mind, and fingers (?), along paths that he would have you go.
Love from
Eva
8/31/2012 c4 13The Little Blue Fairy
Argh! I'm confused! I want Evan to be nice to Celia and them to fall in love and live happily ever after! :( It's not happening...
13The Little Blue FairyArgh! I'm confused! I want Evan to be nice to Celia and them to fall in love and live happily ever after! :( It's not happening...
8/31/2012 c3 The Little Blue Fairy
Hey Reanad! I am loving your story! Just a bit confused about this chapter. Why is she feeling guilty about the storm? It seems as if she feels she was the one who made it come to Eldon. Hmm.. I'll read the next chapter and see what happens! P.s. I like the white rose! :D
Hey Reanad! I am loving your story! Just a bit confused about this chapter. Why is she feeling guilty about the storm? It seems as if she feels she was the one who made it come to Eldon. Hmm.. I'll read the next chapter and see what happens! P.s. I like the white rose! :D
11/2/2009 c9 7Mockingbyrd's Tune
This was a sweet chapter. Aw, she can't remember the story. Hopefully, she'll remember it soon and it will help her. - M.T.
7Mockingbyrd's TuneThis was a sweet chapter. Aw, she can't remember the story. Hopefully, she'll remember it soon and it will help her. - M.T.
11/2/2009 c8 Mockingbyrd's Tune
I like how Evan sees emotions in colors. Now, I'm getting a little more background behind Evan. Celia has a curse on her? Evan will be killed if he goes back to the elders of his people? Hard times, indeed. - M.T.
I like how Evan sees emotions in colors. Now, I'm getting a little more background behind Evan. Celia has a curse on her? Evan will be killed if he goes back to the elders of his people? Hard times, indeed. - M.T.
11/2/2009 c7 Mockingbyrd's Tune
There were many revelations in this chapter. I'm not sure I caught everything that was going on.
The Queen dying and Phillip being so attentive to Celia was hard to grasp. Phillip was obviously upset about his mother's death. I don't know, it didn't feel real because he was so all about Celia. Then, her wanting to go home, but not having a house. Why didn't anyone mention that?
Is Evan always adjusting her emotions? She jumps so frequently from being in pain to throwing a pillow and sticking out her tongue, from shock at her torn-down home to ogling over Evan's eyes again. I'm searching for the real emotions here.
Ah, she's a fairy. That's cool. - M.T.
There were many revelations in this chapter. I'm not sure I caught everything that was going on.
The Queen dying and Phillip being so attentive to Celia was hard to grasp. Phillip was obviously upset about his mother's death. I don't know, it didn't feel real because he was so all about Celia. Then, her wanting to go home, but not having a house. Why didn't anyone mention that?
Is Evan always adjusting her emotions? She jumps so frequently from being in pain to throwing a pillow and sticking out her tongue, from shock at her torn-down home to ogling over Evan's eyes again. I'm searching for the real emotions here.
Ah, she's a fairy. That's cool. - M.T.
11/2/2009 c6 Mockingbyrd's Tune
I think this is my favorite chapter. The importance of the sky blue eyes explained. So, is Evan supposed to be a guardian angel or something? - M.T.
I think this is my favorite chapter. The importance of the sky blue eyes explained. So, is Evan supposed to be a guardian angel or something? - M.T.
11/2/2009 c5 Mockingbyrd's Tune
Now, I'm beginning to feel the fog lift. Evan has come to protect Celia. Interesting.
Queen Camille is delightful. I've known that soft voice with the words that slice. Great description of her.
Will Phillip rebel? I wonder... - M.T.
Now, I'm beginning to feel the fog lift. Evan has come to protect Celia. Interesting.
Queen Camille is delightful. I've known that soft voice with the words that slice. Great description of her.
Will Phillip rebel? I wonder... - M.T.
11/2/2009 c4 Mockingbyrd's Tune
I have no idea what just happened in this chapter. She runs out in her nightgown, becomes completely enamored with Evan's eyes. Sven sees her, she's embarrassed and frustrated - so why does she keep standing there? Evan seems to understand her embarrassment, then laughs at her.
She has a pity party, which can be woefully fun in the right atmosphere, I'll admit. Then she's angry because it's pity Celia day. I mean, her pity party went viral! How cool is that? (I'm kidding. I like Faye, btw - well, I like the way she speaks.)
Then she bumps into Evan again. He has an annoying habit of standing in her way and laughing at her. She asks him a bunch of questions, seems to think he's behind the voice in the storm. (I didn't even catch that.) Then he's finding a private, forbidden place to scold her because he thinks treating her like she's used to being treated will make her quit asking questions.
This is a roller coaster of emotions chapter with Evan's reactions making no sense. But I have come away with another quality to add to my "what makes Celia relatable" list: ultra dependent. I've got to read the next chapter to figure out what's going on. - M.T.
I have no idea what just happened in this chapter. She runs out in her nightgown, becomes completely enamored with Evan's eyes. Sven sees her, she's embarrassed and frustrated - so why does she keep standing there? Evan seems to understand her embarrassment, then laughs at her.
She has a pity party, which can be woefully fun in the right atmosphere, I'll admit. Then she's angry because it's pity Celia day. I mean, her pity party went viral! How cool is that? (I'm kidding. I like Faye, btw - well, I like the way she speaks.)
Then she bumps into Evan again. He has an annoying habit of standing in her way and laughing at her. She asks him a bunch of questions, seems to think he's behind the voice in the storm. (I didn't even catch that.) Then he's finding a private, forbidden place to scold her because he thinks treating her like she's used to being treated will make her quit asking questions.
This is a roller coaster of emotions chapter with Evan's reactions making no sense. But I have come away with another quality to add to my "what makes Celia relatable" list: ultra dependent. I've got to read the next chapter to figure out what's going on. - M.T.
11/2/2009 c3 Mockingbyrd's Tune
Aw, the blanket was on her. But the rose? Hm...
Yeah, Evan's not what he seems.
She has a good deal of guilt and fear. I'm attached to her already. - M.T.
Aw, the blanket was on her. But the rose? Hm...
Yeah, Evan's not what he seems.
She has a good deal of guilt and fear. I'm attached to her already. - M.T.
11/2/2009 c2 Mockingbyrd's Tune
I was very worried about those horses.
So, who was calling her name? And what was the language Evan spoke in? And what did he say? Did he stop the storm? I'm questioning who he *really* is.
Guess I'll just have to read on. - M.T.
I was very worried about those horses.
So, who was calling her name? And what was the language Evan spoke in? And what did he say? Did he stop the storm? I'm questioning who he *really* is.
Guess I'll just have to read on. - M.T.
11/2/2009 c1 Mockingbyrd's Tune
I like the beginning of this story. I'm a romantic. Can't be helped.
There is this animosity in me for the name, "Sven." I can't say why, though. (shrug) Why is a gossip-y man so much worse than a gossip-y woman? Ugh.
"They were as close as any brother and sister would be." Right.(grin)
I think you did a lovely job with this chapter. But, I know what you mean about feeling like you could change it and never be satisfied. The thoughts of an artist. - M.T.
I like the beginning of this story. I'm a romantic. Can't be helped.
There is this animosity in me for the name, "Sven." I can't say why, though. (shrug) Why is a gossip-y man so much worse than a gossip-y woman? Ugh.
"They were as close as any brother and sister would be." Right.(grin)
I think you did a lovely job with this chapter. But, I know what you mean about feeling like you could change it and never be satisfied. The thoughts of an artist. - M.T.
10/24/2009 c9 22Frogster
I'm so glad you're back! It's nice to know you haven't fallen off the face of the earth, and that you're back and ready to write again. As always, love your descriptions...I think those are what really make the story move.
I hope you update soon!
22FrogsterI'm so glad you're back! It's nice to know you haven't fallen off the face of the earth, and that you're back and ready to write again. As always, love your descriptions...I think those are what really make the story move.
I hope you update soon!
7/8/2009 c8 4Queen of the Fairytales
wow. it's been a long time since i've been on fanfiction.
nice chapter! i really like your story.
4Queen of the Fairytaleswow. it's been a long time since i've been on fanfiction.
nice chapter! i really like your story.