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for From hated to loved

12/17/2008 c1 2Purplestarz
oh! what a cute story! ^^
11/25/2008 c1 42Kyrandis
I noticed several grammatical errors upon reading this fanfiction. I'm no grammar pro, but I at least know most grammar rules. If you're using Microsoft Word, it should have a grammar check. Use it. If you don't, get a beta or something.

I'd observed a lack of quotation marks. I was...a tad confused, wondering whether or not they were really speaking or...?

Example:

[Firestar, Brambleclaw, and some other cats came out. They looked at me then my sister yelled out Hatedsoul. They all had a surprized look on their face. I shook my head and said my name is not Hatedsoul it is Lovedsoul, now can you please get out of my territory. Firestar stepped up. I got ready just in case he tried to attack me, but he just looked into my eyes and asked if ThunderClan could stay here. I had to think real hard about this, and I said yes.]

Moving on to the names. Hatedsoul? Lovedsoul? First off, 'soul' is not a good suffix. It shouldn't ever be used. Ever. Second off, the prefixes...hated? Loved? Hatedkit?

Goldensun? What does the suffix represent about the cat...?

Flamingwind...Flamingkit? The -ing disrupts the name's flow.

Sunspots and Sunnyheart? Sun/Sunny are not to be used as prefixes.

Demonstar? Demonkit? O.o

[I am a icey blue she-cat with crimson eyes.]

Is that possible? I've never seen a cat with red eyes. Warriors is fantasy and fiction, yes, but it's realistic as well.

By the way, it's 'icy,' not 'icey.'

[I look nothing like my mom, dad, brother, or my sister.]

Um...ever hear of something called 'coat genetics'?

Hm...I think I've covered everything. Try not to look at this review as a flame, but more so as constructive criticism.
11/4/2008 c1 aurora
wow this is awesome... :D

I like it! Keep writing stories - you keep getting better and better! Will you continue this?

-auroraflight
11/1/2008 c1 7Juri-Chan of WishClan
aww wow your storylines are really good!
10/19/2008 c1 We Fave the Shit
Ugh. Another story worth enough to go on our "favorites" list.

God, you need help.
10/18/2008 c1 1Kokoyumi
Why do you hate grammar?

Seriously, this story goes above and beyond the call of duty to make grammar mistakes. Giving up on writing would only be a start for the crimes that you have committed against the English language by writing this story.
10/15/2008 c1 Silent Memento
Your grammar fails, and this isn't nearly good enough to get away with having less than one-thousand words.
10/12/2008 c1 1Xx-Fax to the Max-xX
hmm...your writing has very much improved. Yet i still cannot say that it is good. No. You still have a long..long...LONG way to go before your ideas and stories become longer and much, much better. Good luck.
10/12/2008 c1 2Darkened Shadows of the Night
Average n00b fic. I lost count of how many errors I could find.
10/12/2008 c1 4NanixLanix
Once again, your skills have shocked me! I loved this stry out all of yours, it was very touching at the end. Now, let me help you correct:

1( i am, is I am, and if the I is by itself in a sentence, then it's captital.

2) They all have golden brown fur with white or brown paws/sploches, and they have green eyes, is how it should be.

3) It's fine to say AM but sometimes it's better to make it italiziced.

4) It should be dad's not dads. Same with mom's, sister's, and brother's.

5) I was far away from the clan new home, sounds kind of strange. Maybe you could change it up?

6) I now have a new name, it is Lovedsoul. That is how it should be.

7) I just heard something shocking clan cats were coming this way, doesn't sound quite right.

8) And many places to sleep, it even has a waterfall is how it should be.

9) When I spelled ThunderClan, I did. Is it should be.

10) Make sure you make the My as my.

11) It is Lovedsoul, now can you please get out of my territory, is how it should be.

12) Incase should be in case, it isn't supposed to be together.

13)About this, and I said yes, is how it should be.

14) Agian is spelled again.

15) Alot is NEVER together, it's like this: a lot. Don't worry, I totally messed up with that too. :)

16) Clan once that, is how it should be.

17) The clan really likes, is how it should be.

18) I had to show them, is how it should be.

Okay, that's it! Nice story in all! Now, I have an idea for you, before you post your next story, send it to me by private message so I can edit it for you first. That way, you'll get mre readers!
10/12/2008 c1 15blueskiesahead
Okay. The first two sentences are awesome. Very gripping.

But there are some major issues with this story:

1. Hatedsoul- a cruel name that no mother would give her kit. And cats don't know about souls; they believe in spirits.

2.Sunspots, Golensun, Sunnyheart, Flamespirit- both names are impossible. The sun is sacred to the cats of the clans; therefore, they do not use them when naming cats. Flame is an acceptable prefix, but spirit is generally not, since spirits are also sacred.

3.Grammar- In a sentence, "I" should always be capitalized. Also, watch out for run-on sentences. Although they can be used for dramatic effect, they can also be the downfall of many a writer.

4.Dialouge- Proper formatting with dialouge is important. Always use quotation marks and commas. When writing dialouge, each quote is a seperate paragraph.

5.Pacing- If the names, grammar, and dialouge were better, this would have been much better. When writing, though, keep pacing in mind. A rushed story can bore readers just as much as one that is too long.
10/12/2008 c1 Virtuous Wanderer
Wow... You have so many spelling, and grammar errors - it isn't even funny. X_X I'm a tad bit too lazy to give some con crit right now, so I think I'm just going to tell you that your name: Hatedsoul is horrible...

In this fandom you have to use either nouns or adjectives for names...

*sigh* If I were you I would delete this and make a new one.

The one and only~

-Hawk
10/12/2008 c1 1Voxxx
Well, this definitely better than all your other stuff, but, uh...

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