for Broken Promise1/7/2010 c1 
6ZukoFlame
Hello! This is ZukoFlame from The Muse Bunny. Your story was very cute! I think you captured Edward and Winry's relationship well, and the dialogue also sounded very natural, as if this scene was an epilogue, of sorts, to the story. However, there were a few things that I noticed that didn't seem to fit, such as when you wrote, "...the blonde questioned him, hatred dripping off every word." The word "hatred" is very strong, and seeing as how for most of the story the two are having such a loving an passionate relationship, the word doesn't seem to fit at all. "Annoyance" and "anger" would best describe her feelings, I think. Also, try to watch the cliches, such as "Their tongues fought each other for dominance." It's used quite often in fanfiction when describing making out scenes, so maybe it's just me, but I think it's a bit overused.
But anyway, despite all of that, your story was still an enjoyable read. It was very cute, as I said before, and certainly makes the female readers wish they could be Winry!
~ZukoFlame
6ZukoFlameHello! This is ZukoFlame from The Muse Bunny. Your story was very cute! I think you captured Edward and Winry's relationship well, and the dialogue also sounded very natural, as if this scene was an epilogue, of sorts, to the story. However, there were a few things that I noticed that didn't seem to fit, such as when you wrote, "...the blonde questioned him, hatred dripping off every word." The word "hatred" is very strong, and seeing as how for most of the story the two are having such a loving an passionate relationship, the word doesn't seem to fit at all. "Annoyance" and "anger" would best describe her feelings, I think. Also, try to watch the cliches, such as "Their tongues fought each other for dominance." It's used quite often in fanfiction when describing making out scenes, so maybe it's just me, but I think it's a bit overused.
But anyway, despite all of that, your story was still an enjoyable read. It was very cute, as I said before, and certainly makes the female readers wish they could be Winry!
~ZukoFlame
11/15/2008 c1 6alchemichelper101
this story is hot! And I luv it!
You should write more of this! Awesome job dude!
XD
6alchemichelper101this story is hot! And I luv it!
You should write more of this! Awesome job dude!
XD
10/18/2008 c1 Orange Singer
I do love pure fluff! Why can't there be more stories like this? Best pairing ever, and lots of contact! Great job!
I do love pure fluff! Why can't there be more stories like this? Best pairing ever, and lots of contact! Great job!