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for Roswell Conspiracies: Caught in the Crossfire

5/30/2009 c15 Pico
A bit too fast, but still good. Of course, you're going to have to explain why Ling turned bad again. If I remember right, he was with the Alliance helping to prepare a counterattack against the Shadoen at the end of the series.

Looking forward to more on Travis' past. I get the feeling that with Valra out, a lot of problems are going to start. A number of scenarios come into mind.

1 - She leads a group of Vampires, blood-controlled slaves, and a few Sioux in resuming her plans - creating a new Dark Empire that need not fear the light. In that case, attacks on Banshee outposts and enclaves throughout Europe begin to take place. This really has to become a rising priority in Alliance affairs, and I think Myrna becomes a recurring character if this scenario is explored.

2 - At the same time, Valra would have made it her mission to abduct Banshee to pioneer the teleportation technology Hanek was working on and to create Banshee/Vampire hybrids. I think this might spur Li'Kara to break from the unholy alliance and muster a terrorist force of Banshee devoted to destroying humans and Vampires alike.

3 - On the Vampire side, a civil war between families is also likely to occur. Raknor's leadership would be challenged with Valra's return, and the Vampires may be loathe to accept Alliance aid in a personal matter. Yarin would be pressured by a number of things (his uncle's reputation, his responsibilities to his people, his service in the Alliance).

4 - In a sidenote, trouble stirs from the Lycanthropes as anti-Alliance resentment begins to build up. Orion would be facing pressure between siding with his people and serving as an envoy for the Alliance. This would be compounded if the leader of his pack turns out to be his older brother or a cousin, and he too is skeptical of the Alliance's capacity to maintain peace. A bit of background information concerning Athos' work in the Alliance could be introduced and explained.

5 - Moving on to South America, another group of Vampires may be working to awaken another of their winged kindred resting in a pyramid from the Mayan or Incan civilizations.

6 - As this goes on, a pact may be arranged in the Far East. Vampires and Oni may establish a business partnership as they gear up for a war with the Alliance. The Branches in Japan, China, Korea, and the Philippines may call for assistance on the matter. Also, other alien races based off local mythical creatures might be featured.

7 - With the sudden hostilities intensifying, the Alliance may have to deal with the Conduit on relocating alien communities away from violent hotspots. Prometheus from the Tribune may be a co-leader of the confederation alongside that golem (what's his name, again?), and though a good friend to Nick Logan since the Shadoen Invasion, he is growing concerned on the worsening situation. Journalist Charles MacGavin and the soldiers operating Area 51 should also be feature/mentioned as allies of the Alliance, who help out from their respective fields.

8 - With Raine's powers out, there's a chance that she may suddenly lose control of them (due to a certain reason, you specify) and go berserk. Also, being a Half-Banshee, she may also be a target of Valra's (considering what happened between her and Sh'lainn). I think Sh'lainn would be furious if that Vampire ever tried to kidnap her daughter.

What do you know, I had a lot to offer this time! Hope you enjoy playing around with the concepts :D
5/6/2009 c14 Pico
Nice!

A bit straightforward in the transition, but well done :D
4/25/2009 c13 Cassy
Hey there, I'm here again ;)

Hadn't much time in the last month, but today I could read the last chapters.

Your story gets better und better! I really liked the whole Siberia-plot. The small intermezzo in Ireland (if I remember correctly) was a little bit confusing. Haven't totally understood, why and how Banshees and Vampires work together. Isn't the hate to each other bigger than the hate to the Aliance? Perhaps its the small language problem here. I understand everything but maybe I didn't get the small thing in the sentences a native speaker would see.

Now Travis and John have to work together. I really love that! I think I know, why John is so rally relaxed at the beginning when Travis said "lets do this and exactly that way". Normally he would have freaked out, but I think a certain woman have to do with his relaxed ... mind (?).

How did the Guys know where do find John and Travis? Poor men! Tortured and beaten *snif*

I can't figure out, how Sh'lainne, Nick and Rainne will react, when they see the video about John. Why didn't the bad guys ask John and Travis a few questions, when the drug is working? I mean, they only have to ask them and they would give them all details about thier life, the Aliance etc.. So, bye. This window is a little bit bitching! I can't write a word, without this freaking thing flipping up and down *grr*

Till the next chapter ;)

Lg Cassy
4/21/2009 c13 Pico
Well, this is cery interesting. You really had a long time spent to make this. As for the Vodun, it couldn't possibly be that guy (Samedi, wasn't it?). I mean, he died when Sh'lainn wailed in the very frequency that kills Vodun. I would really like to see how you would pull off his revival. Maybe the Vodun, Agasa, and a small number of her people might have worked with the Shadoen or Sioux to bring their dead lord back to life.

And I am right to say that the next chap will involve Travis' past bounty in Taiwan. Good add with the truth serum. It's bound to get a lot of secrets out from the two of them.

Next, I am really going to like it if I read up a part where Nick, Sh'lainn, the whole human contingent of Alliance soldiers, and several Banshee and Vampires, storm right into the Vodun's base.

Lastly, you might want to get John to tell Travis more stuff about the Alliance's past (aka what happened in the series, and what might have happened after). Well, that's all I've got right now, so I'll be leaving you to play around with the ideas.
4/1/2009 c12 Pico
Well, I got to say good job with the chapter. I hardly see any errors in grammar at all. So we got an insane Banshee known as Li'Kara who thinks she's doing the right thing, and we've got a Vampire called Malik who nearly destroys Intracom. I wonder why he turned in the first place, same thing or for money? If this keeps up, we may have dissidents from the major races at this rate. And seriously, I think Nick is making it a point of pairing the two so they could get along.

So here are my suggestions and questions:

1 - On the 'get to know one another', are we expecting a lot of flashbacks from John? Memories concerning several characters, like Athos and such? And are you going to expound a bit on Orion and his family tree? I'm sure that the Lycanthrope will be good friends with him.

2 - Another big question. How did the Alliance manage to resolve the alien encounter fiasco with the Shadoen invasion? It's not like it was an isolated event. A Shadoen ship blasted the Whitehouse to pieces. It would have taken a lot of work (plus the help of Nima, Fitz, that newsreporter Carl MacGavin, and the guys at Area 51, or whatever group nearly blew the Alliance's cover and briefly held Ti-Yet captive twenty years ago) to make the whole planet not believe that it was an alien invasion.

3 - For Travis, are we going to see flashbacks from his time in prison as well? The reviewer 'Cassy' had said in a review of chap 7 that he was 14 years old when he was sent to jail.

The next chapter will definitely offer more on the pasts of these two characters. I know it :D
3/14/2009 c11 Pico
Well, this is where I have to say this: this chap needs some serious grammar improvement, and some descriptions could have been added for the characters. I mean, after all, Travis is introduced to Queen Mab. Don't you think it a good idea to describe the Queen of the Banshee, blue robes, green hair, and purple pupiless eyes. Anyway, it's still good.

And how did the Vampires get into Banshee territory? Mab and her people would be making sure that their portals are guarded from intruders, especially Vampires. Unless... ooh, someone just used the teleporter devices that Hanek first developed, and that the Vampire attackers are kidnapping Banshee to power them up. I wonder... you think they'll have further refined the device?

And Yarin. My take on Orion's family problem sounds like a really bad problem for the Lycanthrope, but Yarin, he is the nephew of Hanek, leader of Intracom, and probably the greatest Vampire despised and feared by the Banshee. I could imagine the scene where the two races are convening, with Sh'lainn and Yarin presiding over the talks. The Banshee would regard Yarin coldly and with open hostility, and maybe one might openly state the atrocities his uncle committed.

So here are a number of questions to answer:

1 - Why doesn't John possess any Banshee powers? That's a question I mentioned last time.

2 - Who are the Banshee and Vampire attackers? For the Vampires, it could be a different family for all I know, but the Banshee... Oh, this is where the mystery deepens. I suppose one would say that while most Banshee now regard Sh'lainn as their savior, there may still be some who see her as a 'traitor and a danger'. Maybe you should write that the attackers are targeting Sh'lainn and Mab.

3 - Seeing as werewolves are a mythical creature in England, does that mean we may have an appearance of Orion, his pack, and maybe a cousin or older brother who leads the pack? My suggestion about the Lycanthrope's background is still yet to be used.

4 - If question 3 is answered with a yes, has Travis already seen Orion in human form? If yes, write how Travis is still a bit unnerved at his shapeshifting ability. If no... I could imagine the shock, especially if Travis mistakes him for John. Oh, the mixups.

Well, that's all I have to ask. I can't wait to see how you write down this plot.
2/16/2009 c10 Pico
Well, this is a great fic, but there are still some grammatical errors and lack of punctuation marks. Still, it's still good :D

The way you showed the Shadoen was quite sudden, but it kinda makes sense; stragglers wanting revenge (and maybe try to call in a 3rd invasion).

Here's some suggestions for your next set of stories:

I think it would be nice to set the next hotspot in the British Isles. You said that the Sioux were enemies of both the Banshee and the Vampires, right? So how about this plot.

1 - While there's a tenuous peace between the two races, old hatreds still remain among the Banshee led by Queen Mab, and the Vampires formerly under Hanek. It is only through the efforts of Sh'lainn and the Vampire ambassador that an actual war does not break out. However, even they have their own misgivings, and there still stands the fact that there are Vampires that operate independently and carry on their conflicts against the Banshee.

The actual story centers on this. An incident between the Vampires and Banshee on the British Isles has escalated tensions to the point that Ambassador Sh'lainn Logan has been asked to come to Ireland to provide assistance. However, upon arrival there are factions among the two races that do not wish for peace to continue... and that the Shadoen may have an involvement.

2 - It would be nice for Travis to get an assignment to another base. I think the British Branch would have a higher presence of races like the Banshee and the Lycanthropes. Also, it would be nice to introduce the Banshee character that I had suggested prior.

3 - Here's another nice suggestion: add the Vodun to further spice things up, and then the Sioux for some more meddling and manipulation.

Keep up the good work!
1/31/2009 c9 Pico
Nicely done!

Excellent writing, but there's some grammatical errors you might want to correct. Ti-Yet being one of the designers for Alliance equipment makes some sense, and I bet Rascalov is related to Alascano (his grandson or grand-nephew maybe). If not, then maybe a former lab assistant.

Raine really has to stay alive, but I've got a number of suggestions in mind.

1 - Ti-Yet and the Yeti would make a larger appearance in the next chapter, considering how they're adapted to living in the arctic regions.

2 - The Banshee are also another option. Note, you could write them wearing a variation of their robes (thicker for arctic environment and with hoods). Maybe you should introduce a full-blooded Banshee character (a close friend to Raine) as well. Btw, I suggest a first-time encounter if you're going to do this (explain that she had been working in the Ireland section of the Alliance's UK branch, although what she was doing there is up to you)

3 - Sh'lainn, John, and Katya should also appear. I'd imagine their reactions upon finding out what happened. John, in particular, would be practically furious as any overprotective older brother would be over his sister.

4 - Seeing as he is also Half-Banshee, you might want to clarify if John has powers or not. If so, then to what extent. Maybe you should introduce it through a question from Travis. Next, is he the leader of the S.T.A.R. teams, like Trueblood was?

5 - Orion and the Lycanthropes would also be a good pick to make an appearance. You might want to expound on Orion's personality as you do so. For an extra, do not write him as leader of the pack (give it instead to another family member: an older brother or a cousin, and make his atitude lean somewhat, if not very similar to, Ruck's). That would make Orion's job as ambassador for his clan a difficult job, and greatly affect him.

6 - As any Alliance mission may tend to attract attention, it falls to cover-up teams to divert attention from the people. Nema and Fitz, who are yet to make an appearance, could be mentioned when that subject comes up. They certainly wouldn't want the Kremlin to pick up wind of covert alien activity (especially from the Sioux).

There are so many suggestions I could give, but again I can't seem to blurt them all out. Oh well, feel free to follow any one of these suggestions.
1/15/2009 c8 Pico
Well, this one seems to to have a really big timeskip. You do have a number of grammatical errors to correct, though, and there are some things I would like to recommend.

Here's my first suggestion. This is kind of way too far ahead of time. A few months. I think you might want to retrace events prior to this one. Write about Travis' first days in the Alliance.

Next, I'm pretty sure that the Alliance would have to bear a number of problems to deal with. Considering that the other races are now members, friction ought to take place.

1 - The Banshee and the Vampires would probably be at each other's throats. I'd imagine Sh'lainne having difficulties keeping Queen Mab and the others from becoming hostile with the Vampire presence, and she herself might feel a bit unwelcoming with them. That the two peoples have been bitter enemies can't just simply be erased by at least 26 years of working together. I'm very sure that the Alliance would have had to intervene when territory disputes and personal fights erupt from time to time. And if the Vampires that were under the control of Hanek, his second, and the renegade Valra are the only ones in the Alliance, there's the fact that other Vampires (like the ones in Egypt) are openly hostile.

2 - Lycanthropes live for ten years. Athos would have been long dead at this point in time. If Orion is related to him, he would have to be his grandson. And since Athos based his human form on Nick (and that Lycanthrope males take after their fathers or paternal figures), Orion's human form could be like his grandfather's. Oh, I'd imagine the surprise Travis had if he encountered both Orion (in human form) and John in the same room.

3 - The Yeti might also have some old hatreds for the Lycanthropes. If they are a long-lived people, Ti-Yet should be there as leader and representative of his people. Also, I don't know much about the Sasquatch (except for the bit that they were mostly wiped out) but is it possible that there are more than one (I'm assuming) Sasquatch still surviving. If so, are they allied to the Alliance or not?

4 - The Tribune is the only alien race not based on Earth. It would be nice to see how the Alliance works with them. Is it possible the Tribune may have helped to build a moonbase? Ok, now that's getting wierd.

5 - The Aesiri had only two members featured in the show, which leaves for the introduction of more. And what if there was a previous event wherein the Minotauri all broke out from stasis and (possibly) are a recurring menace for the Alliance. It would be terrifying if there was an alliance between the Aesiri and Minotauri, and how it would affect the Banshee.

6 - Also, what is the state of the Fusion breed and the Vodun at the timeline of your story? I'm sure they, too, are typical problems for the Global Alliance.

7 - The Shadoen may have had more sleeper agents aside from Rinaker and that other guy. Not all would have died following their second defeat in conquering Earth, so what of the remaining stragglers?

I could name a lot of other things in this comment, but I just can't get them on the tip of my tongue. Oh well, I've offered up a lot of suggestions, so feel free to use them :D
1/11/2009 c7 Cassy
Hey,

sorry for not reviewing for so long, but I was at home for vacancies and there was no time to surf in the internet ^^

So, where do I start?

First: Are there two kinds of vampires? You said something about "a sort of snake" and thats how I would discribe such a thing. But it is not the same like Travis hunted before, if I get it right. So I'm a little bit confused ^^

Travis reaction at the needle-incident is really interesting. I think it is somehow connected to his lost memories and his nightmares. Perhaps he was in some kind special force (from his country or mercenary)and somehow gets in the way of somebody? Or he voluntarily came forward for some kind of experiment, where they tried to copy Nicks abilities? And as he wasn't the good boy 'they' wanted, 'they' made sure he would stay for his entery life in this prison. Just my thoughts ^^

But wait, forget that. You wrote, that Travis was five years in prison, one year in underground and four years hunting bad guys. So he would be 14 years as he was send to jail! Good god, what sort of sick bastard would do something like this (sending a kid into hell)? I can't wait to get the answer.

There was a sweet hint for a realationship between John and Katya. I liked that. Yeah, I'm a romantic girl ^^

The meeting between Travis and Sh'lainne was interesting. I thought he would be a little bit more freaked out (hope you understand what I mean). But on the other hand, he saw so much scarry and supernatural things, that Raines familie couldn't shock him any more. So a good meeting between them. ;)

Suggestions? I think my Pre-Reviewer (or how you call it ^^) Pico made a good point. I like to see something about Orion (or Jim). And for the places (Philippines sounds good) I have to add something like Siberia, Canada, Hawaii (Hula dancing John *lol*), France (Paris, la ville d'amour) or perhaps Germany (big cities or big woods, mountains or sea, theres everything you need. Do you now know where I come from ^^ Myths: Grimms Märchen/Grimms Faery Tales.) But the UK is great too. I like Scottland, beautiful countryside!

Hope you say in the next chapter about the two 'vampires'. Hope to read something from you soon.

Bye, Cassy
1/8/2009 c7 Pico
Oh yeah, one more suggestion.

This is partly influenced by Doctor Who, TMNT, and several other shows, but I think you should also make mention of othe branches of the Alliance. It is 'Global' after all :D

Perfect Locales:

United Kingdom (inspired by Doctor Who)

- London

- Cardiff

- Wales

- Ireland

United States

- Roswell (Already taken, of course)

- New York (inspired by TMNT)

- I don't know, just someplace interesting

Asia

- Japan (with all the Oni around, why wouldn't they?)

- China (All mystique :D)

- Philippines (My home does have a lot of interesting myths)

There are many places for the Alliance to have bases, but you get to decide :D
12/31/2008 c7 Pico
Excellent chapter! Aside from a few missing letters and a lack of caps in names, this turned out really nice. You did a good job doing Travis' reaction on seeing Banshee.

In regards to ideas, I think some expounding is needed first. One, is the snake thing really a Vampire? If so, I think you might want to further develop on the Vampire presence in the Alliance and how it affects with relations with the Banshee.

My next suggestion would be to introduce more info on another character mentioned in previous chapters, Orion. I'm curious about how you intend to make his personality.
12/18/2008 c6 Pico
Sweet :D I can't wait to see what else you put up.
12/17/2008 c6 Cassy
Wow, that was fast, even so it's a very short chapter.

If got a question about Travis character profile: what kind of prison he was in? I mean, why isn't the police looking for him and the other two guys?

*lol* Yes Travis and John made it VERY clear, that they don't like each other and don't trust each other. Hope they won't have to team up together - or at a second thought, that would be perfect for the reader: I think it would be fun to see them resentfully starring at the other man and always watching their backs.

Can't wait till the next chapter. Hope you post soon ^^

Cassy
12/14/2008 c5 Cassy
No need to be afraid, I didn't get it wrong ^^

So, to your story. Interesting storyline. So Raine and Travis have caught Smythe (or how he was called) and nearly get themselve killed. Thanks to the Alliance they were saved. I think Nick have observed all the steps both took, he won't let his daughter get lost with a man he don't know.

I'm curios what Travis will find out about his history. Is he a remote relative of Nick (that would explain how he got the same ability as Nick).

What will Travis say, when he meet the first time with Sh'lainne? Espacially when he finds out, that she's Raines mother ^^ I think a Banshee will give him the creeps.

Hope you can post another chapter this week. I'm waiting ;)

Lg Cassy
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