11/28/2008 c2 13HorseRidersHaveMoreFun
It's an interesting concept, but script stories are really hard to read and follow. They don't flow well and constantly switching back and forth from bold to regular type sucks for the reader. It'd be better if:

1) you wrote it in a different style. Read some of the other stories and try to find one style that works for you. While script style writing might be easy for you, it's very hard on your reader.

2)get a beta reader. There are lot of them out there and just because someone might not be a beta for your category, doesn't mean that they won't do it for you. Just ask.

3) quit using the bold all caps. I know why you're doing it, but it's not necessary. That's why italics and stuff can be used for.

4) tell the story from a different point of view, but not as an announcer. Scripts are for TV shows. Stories are to describe images in such a way that the reader makes up his own images that coincide with what they are reading.