for dark beginnings4/22/2010 c8 
5Darth Necron
Ah, nice return chapter hahah. Takorog is, interesting, being able to handle the Smash cast and Sora and Riku all at once shows he has strength all right haha.
Nice fight, but one thing, it would make reading the chapter a lot cleaner if you spaced out the talking from the actions, like how I do it in my story. Just a suggestion along with a few punctuation and spelling issues haha. I can see Takorog being in my upcoming Enji Budokai, but, don't expect him to last to long hahaha.
All in all, while not a perfect chapter, has potential and hopeful the next chapter does not take as long to take out hahah. Oh yes, one last thing, its best you don't ask pepole not to flame, it just entices them to flame more from what I seen. Oh well, with that, keep it up, and till next time.
5Darth NecronAh, nice return chapter hahah. Takorog is, interesting, being able to handle the Smash cast and Sora and Riku all at once shows he has strength all right haha.
Nice fight, but one thing, it would make reading the chapter a lot cleaner if you spaced out the talking from the actions, like how I do it in my story. Just a suggestion along with a few punctuation and spelling issues haha. I can see Takorog being in my upcoming Enji Budokai, but, don't expect him to last to long hahaha.
All in all, while not a perfect chapter, has potential and hopeful the next chapter does not take as long to take out hahah. Oh yes, one last thing, its best you don't ask pepole not to flame, it just entices them to flame more from what I seen. Oh well, with that, keep it up, and till next time.
7/6/2009 c7 Darth Necron
Ah, I can see your skills are improving. This battle with Lord Genocide looks like fun. Keep up the good work, and till next time.
Ah, I can see your skills are improving. This battle with Lord Genocide looks like fun. Keep up the good work, and till next time.
2/7/2009 c3 Darth Necron
Um, not a bad start, but lets just say there is a lot of room for improvement. Spacing and spell check would help this be more neat a lot, and i am a bit confused at just what is going on. Still, not a bad start. Also, for my story, I will add a few more characters, but ah, twenty at once maybe not. One thing I learned is that if you add to many at once it becomes a little crowded so
I try and spread it out like in the Justice League show lol.In any case this indeed has the potential so keep it up and till next time.
Um, not a bad start, but lets just say there is a lot of room for improvement. Spacing and spell check would help this be more neat a lot, and i am a bit confused at just what is going on. Still, not a bad start. Also, for my story, I will add a few more characters, but ah, twenty at once maybe not. One thing I learned is that if you add to many at once it becomes a little crowded so
I try and spread it out like in the Justice League show lol.In any case this indeed has the potential so keep it up and till next time.
11/9/2008 c2 83Super Saiyan Crash
As you wish. Heh. Nice chapter so far. You need to work more on the details, but great work.
83Super Saiyan CrashAs you wish. Heh. Nice chapter so far. You need to work more on the details, but great work.
10/29/2008 c1 CherrySoda
This sounds very interesting.I'd love to read more.I won't have any problem with whatever you write so long as you keep the characters in character and don't ruin them by making them gay.I don't hate gay people,but I hate it when characters who are straight get turned gay by people who'claim' to be fans.As long as a person respects the characters and try to keep them as close to in character as possibly out of respect for the creators,then I'm good.I am now going to offer some constructive critism and advice./This story starts with many people all at once noticing major changes in their everyday lives.Changes so big and so catastrophical,that they still feel better than ever before it's strengthened blast.A blast from the path for what some would like to choose.But for everyone it's something so new and dangerous that they would rather run away and hide.Unfortunately,they can't because they you see are...heroes./In one of the dark alley ways of Shibuya.A single,lone boy is walking along,just walking.Stolling along as though he has never done and never will do anything else.His name is Neku Sakuraba.He is dressed in a blue t-shirt,a blue jacket,white shorts,(or I guess you could put him in blue jeans cause you never mentioned his pants)and black and blue shoes.He is also wearing a pair of blue headphones on his head.He is an interesting boy.One who has experienced death and come back to life again.A feat some would imagine to be impossible.But he had experienced such a feat,but not without great changes he's had happen in his life.He thinks about what has happened in the past,before he suddenly screams out."JOSHUA.YOU BASTARD."Which causes a pin that is on his jacket to suddenly glow before creating a black explosion that consumes him,but then deactivates to reveal a surprised,yet unharmed Neku.He looks at the pin the very picture of death modeled on it before gasping out in shock."What!How did this pin work?And why did it do that?Don't tell me it has started in the RG now too.NO.No,This is something far worse.I can feel it.I've got to warn the others."With that Neku takes off running only to be stopped suddenly by a figure clad in a colored robe.The robe somehow is colored with a mixture of pure white and pure black co-existing as one on the garment of clothing./Okay that's my constructive advice.I noticed some spelling errors and made mild changes to help you see a way that the story could be written to help it to flow better.I'm working to become a writer too.So I thought I would offer some advice cause I really want to see just how good you can become.Just so you know I did like this and am not trying to take over your story or anything.This is just some friendly advice.I hope you will continue writing.This idea sounds interesting and I'd love to see where you plan on taking it.Take care and I hope you will keep at this.
This sounds very interesting.I'd love to read more.I won't have any problem with whatever you write so long as you keep the characters in character and don't ruin them by making them gay.I don't hate gay people,but I hate it when characters who are straight get turned gay by people who'claim' to be fans.As long as a person respects the characters and try to keep them as close to in character as possibly out of respect for the creators,then I'm good.I am now going to offer some constructive critism and advice./This story starts with many people all at once noticing major changes in their everyday lives.Changes so big and so catastrophical,that they still feel better than ever before it's strengthened blast.A blast from the path for what some would like to choose.But for everyone it's something so new and dangerous that they would rather run away and hide.Unfortunately,they can't because they you see are...heroes./In one of the dark alley ways of Shibuya.A single,lone boy is walking along,just walking.Stolling along as though he has never done and never will do anything else.His name is Neku Sakuraba.He is dressed in a blue t-shirt,a blue jacket,white shorts,(or I guess you could put him in blue jeans cause you never mentioned his pants)and black and blue shoes.He is also wearing a pair of blue headphones on his head.He is an interesting boy.One who has experienced death and come back to life again.A feat some would imagine to be impossible.But he had experienced such a feat,but not without great changes he's had happen in his life.He thinks about what has happened in the past,before he suddenly screams out."JOSHUA.YOU BASTARD."Which causes a pin that is on his jacket to suddenly glow before creating a black explosion that consumes him,but then deactivates to reveal a surprised,yet unharmed Neku.He looks at the pin the very picture of death modeled on it before gasping out in shock."What!How did this pin work?And why did it do that?Don't tell me it has started in the RG now too.NO.No,This is something far worse.I can feel it.I've got to warn the others."With that Neku takes off running only to be stopped suddenly by a figure clad in a colored robe.The robe somehow is colored with a mixture of pure white and pure black co-existing as one on the garment of clothing./Okay that's my constructive advice.I noticed some spelling errors and made mild changes to help you see a way that the story could be written to help it to flow better.I'm working to become a writer too.So I thought I would offer some advice cause I really want to see just how good you can become.Just so you know I did like this and am not trying to take over your story or anything.This is just some friendly advice.I hope you will continue writing.This idea sounds interesting and I'd love to see where you plan on taking it.Take care and I hope you will keep at this.