Just In
for The Last Time

11/25/2008 c1 lexynolongerwrites
This works as a very nice opener. It has enough ambiguity to lead the reader on and can go in a lot of directions. Can I suggest some visual editing to make the pacing a little more active and highlight the emotions in the text? “Love? Is it too much to ask for?” His voice rasped in the unusually cool summer’s night. PARAGRAPH BREAK His hair was falling over his face; you could see the tear streaks running down his pale face glistening like crystals. A young Severus Snape turned and faced the castle. The castle he called home for the past seven years, Hogwarts. His heart cried out in sorrow over his loss, the loss of his first love, James Potter. PARAGRAPH BREAK That was the last time Severus Snape ever cried. lexy

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