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4/29/2012 c1 5Monster the Vamelfaer
I kind of wish I knew more to her story you know? Normally people don't write about cats comitting suicide... But it's good. =)
4/29/2012 c1 Monster the Vamelfaer
I kind of wish I knew more to her story you know? Normally people don't write about cats comitting suicide... But it's good. =)
10/11/2009 c1 moonnight
no we hav the same b-day!i feel so ununique!
8/16/2009 c1 6Marshpelt
It'd be cool if you made this into a real story instead of a short. Nice job.
7/14/2009 c1 7M-S The Master Pokemon Trainer
Wow. What a horrible story.
6/12/2009 c1 Little Tim
This sucks. Not all short stories are even this short. Get a beta.
1/30/2009 c1 1Xx-Fax to the Max-xX
Well you've come a long way from your first story, and this is certainly the best. Definitely. But uh, a cat that doesn't exist doesn't really interest readers so much. Sorry to say, but you still need lots of work to do to become a good FanFiction writer.
1/28/2009 c1 aurora
This is good! You seem to be good at writing oneshots... Try writing some more but include the characters in the actual series.

Not all of us actually use grammar correctly... I know high school students who are in IB or Honors classes and they still don't have "perfect" grammar.

Somebody is begging for reviews... Nope, I don't have a problem with it. It happens every 2 or 3 fanfictions out of 5 anyway. XD

-auroraflight
12/30/2008 c1 2Purplestarz
Oh! this is so good! aw, ur stories are so sort but so good ^^
12/24/2008 c1 T0M Serv0
Please ignore those who say mean things to you? I bet you'll do that regardless of what Pink Kitty s.hit says, supposedly.

Well, it's not horribly, horribly bad, but it needs work. You need to develop a hook, first off all. As much as it seems cool to make each 'paragraph' one measley sentence to keep the reader more interested, it lacks when the solution isn't meriting the attention. You also have spelling mistakes.

Writing a one-shot about a cat who isn't cannon kills the story, I believe. Becuase the audience could care less.
11/28/2008 c1 4NanixLanix
Don't listen to any of the others who told you rude things. I think this was a very great story, with a good moral. You just a bit of grammar mistakes, but not a lot(Regretted Fallen Angel overreacted). If you want to, I can beta-read for you. Just send me your story before you submit it, and I'll help!

~PKC
11/28/2008 c1 6Cinnamonpool
The choppy sentences were hard to read, but all in all, better than your previous fics. But still, may I recommend getting a beta for your grammatical mistakes?
11/27/2008 c1 42Kyrandis
[Well I hope this one is real good . Plz tell me if you see any mistakes I would be glad to fix them. Plz review my story. Even though it might be horrible. Plz plz plz review. Thank you for who ever dose.]

Alrighty. First off, stop with the chatspeak in your author's notes. It should look like this:

{Well, I hope this one is real good. Please tell me if you see any mistakes; I would be glad to fix them. Please review my story, even though it might be horrible. Please, please, please review. Thank you for whoever does.}

But, then again, that sounds an awful lot like you're begging for reviews, huh?

- - -

[This name is what cats fear most about me beside my pitch black fur with my stricking icy blue eyes.]

I believe you mean 'striking,' as I have never heard the word 'stricking' before.

By the way, cats with dark gray or black fur cannot have blue eyes unless there is some amount of white on them.

- - -

[My name is Silentrose.]

Silentrose? Silentkit? ._.

- - -

Now for some grammatical errors I noticed. The corrections will be in between {this type of bracket}, and the original(yours) will be in between [this type].

[A perfect name you might say, well its not.]

{A perfect name, you might say. Well, it's not.}

[This name is what cats fear most about me beside my pitch black fur with my stricking icy blue eyes.]

This name is what cats fear most about me, besides my pitch black fur and striking blue eyes.

...

By the way, what's fearful about black fur and blue eyes, besides the fact that it's not possible?

[Thunderclan really.]

{ThunderClan, really.}

[Well its not.]

{Well, it's not.}

[I am a killer some might say.]

{I am a killer, some might say.}

[No matter what I do everyone will still think that I do everything for power.]

{No matter what I do, everyone will still think that I will do anything for power.}

[Maybe if I wasn't born everyone will be alot happier.]

{Maybe if I wasn't born, everyone would be a lot happier.}

[So I decided to end my life.]

{So, I decided to end my life.}

[Well whats done is done.]

{Well, what's done is done.}

[I was to.]

{I was, too.}

[Well at least I can look over my clan like I been trying to do all my like.]

{Well, at least I can look over my Clan like I've been trying to do all my life.}

Do you only know how to use commas when listing something, or what?

O.o

- - -

[I was welcomed in to StarClan.

Shocked.

I was to.]

I don't get this part. StarClan was shocked?

- - -

Uh. You really need to work on being consistent to the tense you're writing in. Once again, you're switching between past and present tense.

- - -

This really doesn't seem like a story, if you ask me. More like a drabble, I suppose. But this doesn't really tell much. It's just a bunch of thoughts.

- - -

My last thought/opinion/whatever to include in this review:

I recommend that you get a beta reader.
11/27/2008 c1 33Cara Lea Abel
that's sad, but the moral shows a point, which makes this, i think, your greatest short-story yet!
11/27/2008 c1 Virtuous Wanderer
*shudders* So many grammar mistakes... You really need a beta reader.

Yours truly,

Hawk~
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