for Mabinogi: The Goddess Knights7/4/2011 c53 
19AKAAkira
Very nice story.
Like I said before, I commend your dedication to this 50+ chapter story even in spite of a relatively low number of reviews. I hope you feel very proud of your tenacity.
I didn't think the plot wasn't original, but it was still nicely thought out and executed rather well. The last chapter was a nice touch, giving details into each of the heroes' future gave me a sense of closure.
Most important detail for you to work on is just the organization of a lot of paragraphs - remember, new person speaking, new paragraph. Other than that, and some spellings that I think I already pointed all out, you seem to be fine.
Excellent job writing. Have fun working your current stories!
19AKAAkiraVery nice story.
Like I said before, I commend your dedication to this 50+ chapter story even in spite of a relatively low number of reviews. I hope you feel very proud of your tenacity.
I didn't think the plot wasn't original, but it was still nicely thought out and executed rather well. The last chapter was a nice touch, giving details into each of the heroes' future gave me a sense of closure.
Most important detail for you to work on is just the organization of a lot of paragraphs - remember, new person speaking, new paragraph. Other than that, and some spellings that I think I already pointed all out, you seem to be fine.
Excellent job writing. Have fun working your current stories!
6/27/2011 c38 AKAAkira
Haha...not like you need to know this anymore (probably), but there are some notable corrections I just can't resist making.
Elleham is NOT Elleham, nor is it Elleha, it's actually Elatha.
And "double gangers" are supposed to be dopplegangers. ^^
Plot's going along nicely, the twists in here aren't bad. And you describe some things pretty well, like the sword in this chapter. I think most of the problem of this fiction is just the way you organize the proceedings, mostly sentences that are all in a paragraph which really should be fragmentized.
Next time I review would probably be the last chapter...so, 'til then.
Haha...not like you need to know this anymore (probably), but there are some notable corrections I just can't resist making.
Elleham is NOT Elleham, nor is it Elleha, it's actually Elatha.
And "double gangers" are supposed to be dopplegangers. ^^
Plot's going along nicely, the twists in here aren't bad. And you describe some things pretty well, like the sword in this chapter. I think most of the problem of this fiction is just the way you organize the proceedings, mostly sentences that are all in a paragraph which really should be fragmentized.
Next time I review would probably be the last chapter...so, 'til then.
6/7/2011 c19 AKAAkira
I suppose it's time for me to review again, just to say I HAVE been reading this and haven't forgotten about it. (Not for a super-extended period of time, anyways...)
Actually, I was about to say something about spelling/grammar and then I realized, no, this chapter's pretty good on that part. So good job on that.
Still some punctuation/flow issues, I think, as when someone new speaks you probably should hit the Enter button.
One last thing for now - I'm pretty sure Cichol is a lot more formal than the impression you're giving me. For example..."Alright, no funny business". I was like... o.O Is that something I can imagine Cichol saying? Sorry, not really. Suggestion: "One false move and I will personally make sure to expose your innards to Noitar Arat". Something like that, anyways.
Good job so far, I'll get back to you later.
I suppose it's time for me to review again, just to say I HAVE been reading this and haven't forgotten about it. (Not for a super-extended period of time, anyways...)
Actually, I was about to say something about spelling/grammar and then I realized, no, this chapter's pretty good on that part. So good job on that.
Still some punctuation/flow issues, I think, as when someone new speaks you probably should hit the Enter button.
One last thing for now - I'm pretty sure Cichol is a lot more formal than the impression you're giving me. For example..."Alright, no funny business". I was like... o.O Is that something I can imagine Cichol saying? Sorry, not really. Suggestion: "One false move and I will personally make sure to expose your innards to Noitar Arat". Something like that, anyways.
Good job so far, I'll get back to you later.
4/5/2011 c4 AKAAkira
Meh...I suppose the review's slightly premature, but I did want to congratulate you on being one of the only two complete multi-chapter Mabinogi fic on this site. And the other one's only seven chapters. I commend your effort.
Like I said this review was premature, so you might have improved later, but so far I have seen several paragraphs that might have been better to separate into smaller components, as well as enough spelling mistakes to mildly disturb my read through - the most noticable two being "Errin" which should be "Erinn" and "Formor" which should be "Fomor".
Plot-wise it's okay so far, I'm looking forward to seeing the other eight heroes.
It'll be a while before I finish reading this story...but finish this I will, so 'till then.
Meh...I suppose the review's slightly premature, but I did want to congratulate you on being one of the only two complete multi-chapter Mabinogi fic on this site. And the other one's only seven chapters. I commend your effort.
Like I said this review was premature, so you might have improved later, but so far I have seen several paragraphs that might have been better to separate into smaller components, as well as enough spelling mistakes to mildly disturb my read through - the most noticable two being "Errin" which should be "Erinn" and "Formor" which should be "Fomor".
Plot-wise it's okay so far, I'm looking forward to seeing the other eight heroes.
It'll be a while before I finish reading this story...but finish this I will, so 'till then.
10/25/2009 c21 abby2read
man, I just looked at the lenght of other mabi fanfics, and man, it sucks. Congrats on page numbers!
man, I just looked at the lenght of other mabi fanfics, and man, it sucks. Congrats on page numbers!
8/24/2009 c53 3AyaC
I really like the ending with Jack. Been reading for like an hour and half straigth and my eyes are all dried o.=
3AyaCI really like the ending with Jack. Been reading for like an hour and half straigth and my eyes are all dried o.=
7/2/2009 c53 1Mikez
This was a great story you have a great ability at writing these I can't wait to see what ya write next!
1MikezThis was a great story you have a great ability at writing these I can't wait to see what ya write next!
5/27/2009 c53 5The Fable
This is one of the most enjoyable stories I've read. Comedy, action, romance... it's like a very, VERY good book. A few typos here and there but nothing serious. My only wish is that there was a sequel.
5The FableThis is one of the most enjoyable stories I've read. Comedy, action, romance... it's like a very, VERY good book. A few typos here and there but nothing serious. My only wish is that there was a sequel.
3/16/2009 c53 millet crunch jr
Dude, you would seriously profit by getting yourself a good beta reader that has no mercy.
Dude, you would seriously profit by getting yourself a good beta reader that has no mercy.
1/4/2009 c20 3AyaC
O.O;... I was as bit sqweamish about the fleshy blood and stuff... Nice drama though. The story is going really nicely! I hope you dont stop!
3AyaCO.O;... I was as bit sqweamish about the fleshy blood and stuff... Nice drama though. The story is going really nicely! I hope you dont stop!
12/31/2008 c19 AyaC
wooh climaxing! its awesome how you update so fast. It's a real shame nto many ppl read mabinogi ff.. =S
wooh climaxing! its awesome how you update so fast. It's a real shame nto many ppl read mabinogi ff.. =S
12/26/2008 c15 AyaC
WoOh! YEA Nice chapters real quick o.o. Best Chapter Ever!(Lol get it? The chapter title and teh review, it's a play on words and and... Oh forget it -_-;)
WoOh! YEA Nice chapters real quick o.o. Best Chapter Ever!(Lol get it? The chapter title and teh review, it's a play on words and and... Oh forget it -_-;)