for MPL6/29/2021 c1 Guest
Pleaseeee this is good 3
Pleaseeee this is good 3
12/1/2017 c1 
3LxLight4ever
Me : Update were are you ?
Update : I don't know. I'm lost in the years...
3LxLight4everMe : Update were are you ?
Update : I don't know. I'm lost in the years...
7/21/2016 c1 Guest
Nice but maybe not so much detail, the way you do detaile is really good though just in fanfics I mean ;b
Nice but maybe not so much detail, the way you do detaile is really good though just in fanfics I mean ;b
4/18/2016 c1 Guest
Love it,pls keep writing
Love it,pls keep writing
5/19/2013 c1 anti-uke-L
please tell me that this story is not going to be crap lightxl, is that this kind of story you like, stupid, metete to ukeL ass.
please tell me that this story is not going to be crap lightxl, is that this kind of story you like, stupid, metete to ukeL ass.
5/3/2013 c1 Mahita
sera que esto es un Lxlight decente y no una porquería lightxl ? solo falta que termine on el detestable ukeL
sera que esto es un Lxlight decente y no una porquería lightxl ? solo falta que termine on el detestable ukeL
5/1/2013 c1 6Kyritus Snow
I'd be interested in what happens next, it looks like it could be an interesting story. you should continue, I'm looking forward to the next chapter :)
6Kyritus SnowI'd be interested in what happens next, it looks like it could be an interesting story. you should continue, I'm looking forward to the next chapter :)
10/14/2010 c1 Sadistic-Kit
I hope you up date this story I love it so far, and I'm excited for possible future chapters.
I hope you up date this story I love it so far, and I'm excited for possible future chapters.
6/21/2010 c1 10op1223
This was really good! This line had me laughing:
“would most likely get raped by his stalkers some day if he was single."
I really like this! Up-date soon! Thanks for writing!
10op1223This was really good! This line had me laughing:
“would most likely get raped by his stalkers some day if he was single."
I really like this! Up-date soon! Thanks for writing!
5/27/2010 c1 1ShyClown
:) this looks like a really good story I hope you continue it I like it lol and wow is misa just one strange person, who goes up to someone and ask to be their boyfriend and not know anything about them.
1ShyClown:) this looks like a really good story I hope you continue it I like it lol and wow is misa just one strange person, who goes up to someone and ask to be their boyfriend and not know anything about them.
2/20/2010 c1 Anonamouse
This is a pretty good beggining. Most of your mistakes were with grammer, and that can be edited later. When writing a story, first you should just write, get it on the page. Then you make adjustments to make it better. One way to do that would be to change 'gat' to 'got' in the Chibi Flashback. The line was something like "because you gat perfect scores" Please keep writing this story, because it sounds interesting.
This is a pretty good beggining. Most of your mistakes were with grammer, and that can be edited later. When writing a story, first you should just write, get it on the page. Then you make adjustments to make it better. One way to do that would be to change 'gat' to 'got' in the Chibi Flashback. The line was something like "because you gat perfect scores" Please keep writing this story, because it sounds interesting.
8/17/2009 c1 3Super Goat Grl
Hiya! I heard from frnight that you really liked my art, thank you so much! ^^ It makes me feel so amazing whenever someone tells me that.
So, since I read this chapter/story, I guess I'll start my review now. XD
I really like the concept of this story, but I do believe your flow could use some work. Your sentences are choppy, and they seem to jump around and it made things rather confusing to read. I agree with what several other reviewers for this story have said, that the plot moves way to fast. You need some more details and to explain things, but don't give away why Light is in an average, lower-end, public school. Leave it as a mystery for the readers to try and figure out, and then later on in the story explain it.
It would also be better if you used child Light, instead of Chibi Light, since even though that is a rather commonplace term in most anime/manga fans' vocabulary, some readers have only recently been introduced to FanFiction and don't understand all things "otaku".
This wasn't really in Light's POV, but as someone else already said, it was third person focused on Light. If you are going to call it Light's POV, try using first person, it really gives a story an interesting twist.
I also think that all of the characters, except for Sayu, are a bit OOC, but that may just be me. :3
Some of the ways you word things is a tad bit weird, and your grammar and spelling could use some work, but I really think that this story could become something simply fantastic! ^^ All it needs is some revision, and it would be a good idea if someone looked over it for you.
I think that's all I really have to say. I really hope you don't take this too harshly; I just want to help your writing bloom. Thanks again for the wonderful compliments, they make me blush so badly. ^()^
Grinning like a fool,
SuperGoatGrl
3Super Goat GrlHiya! I heard from frnight that you really liked my art, thank you so much! ^^ It makes me feel so amazing whenever someone tells me that.
So, since I read this chapter/story, I guess I'll start my review now. XD
I really like the concept of this story, but I do believe your flow could use some work. Your sentences are choppy, and they seem to jump around and it made things rather confusing to read. I agree with what several other reviewers for this story have said, that the plot moves way to fast. You need some more details and to explain things, but don't give away why Light is in an average, lower-end, public school. Leave it as a mystery for the readers to try and figure out, and then later on in the story explain it.
It would also be better if you used child Light, instead of Chibi Light, since even though that is a rather commonplace term in most anime/manga fans' vocabulary, some readers have only recently been introduced to FanFiction and don't understand all things "otaku".
This wasn't really in Light's POV, but as someone else already said, it was third person focused on Light. If you are going to call it Light's POV, try using first person, it really gives a story an interesting twist.
I also think that all of the characters, except for Sayu, are a bit OOC, but that may just be me. :3
Some of the ways you word things is a tad bit weird, and your grammar and spelling could use some work, but I really think that this story could become something simply fantastic! ^^ All it needs is some revision, and it would be a good idea if someone looked over it for you.
I think that's all I really have to say. I really hope you don't take this too harshly; I just want to help your writing bloom. Thanks again for the wonderful compliments, they make me blush so badly. ^()^
Grinning like a fool,
SuperGoatGrl
6/2/2009 c1 10lil joker 1989
OK i like this story please update soon i have to know whats going to happen next ^-^
10lil joker 1989OK i like this story please update soon i have to know whats going to happen next ^-^