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for The begining of something more

7/2/2015 c15 Daddys little crazy bitch
love love love
:).
4/7/2015 c15 27CharlieBoneFan
Cute.
4/15/2013 c1 Guest
Ok forget it your grammar is ...We won't go there. And you need to make up your mind on how your going to tell your story in first person or third person I couldn't get past the first chapter. Read more and practice writing. Get someone to beta your work or at least proof read before you post. Hoping this doesn't sound like a flame or anything but really practice more both reading and writing. Reading because it will improve your vocabulary and grammar and writing because it improves your cognitive skills. Your stories will come out better. Don't forget to make new paragraphs when your character is finished talking or when the subject matter changes or when someone else is talking and remember your punctuation.
11/16/2012 c10 4mfaerie32
I have to say, his inner thoughts are a little OOC. He kinda sounds like a teenage boy instead of Dracula.
11/28/2011 c15 16Melody Lynn Kamiya
aw I loved that was so cute
8/8/2011 c15 kitten
AWWW so cute! what a good story well done! this story is great! :3
7/28/2011 c15 Ryuketsu no Hana
me encanto! :3
9/21/2009 c15 10Konoha's White Fang
Ok...um...good story with a good plot. The over-all drama was fine and the action was good. And for your first story, you did well but I think that I have to draw your attention to a few points that will ensure more success to your upcoming stories, and I promise that I won't be harsh.

The first few chapters had dire problems in grammar while the rest had some minor problems but they can be easily fixed with some revising. And I noticed that you tend to make the characters talk about their actions then in the next line you would narrate what the characters are doing, which in all honesty confuses the reader. Therefore, you should choose whether you’re going to narrate the events in your story or you’re going to allow the characters to tell what they’re doing, to avoid confusion.

You’re spelling is not in its best shape, as you have quite a number of mistakes that can totally change the meaning or have no meaning at all, you have to fix them quickly.

The punctuation is a little bit off but it can be fixed with some help of a beta reader.

Now, that the technical errors are done, on with the plot of the story!

The characters could use some originality because they looked absolutely out of character, especially Alucard. I can never imagine him acting the way he did in this story, that’s for one and Walter even though he’s an old man, he doesn’t tire out that easily just from mountain climbing. However, I can somewhat imagine Seras acting the way she did, because she’s human and all, and maybe because she sometimes sounds like an emotional person but you could at least lessen the drama she went through.

Well, that’s it. I hope that I didn’t bother you with my review; I only want the best for you and your stories. Good luck with your work and keep up the good job.

~KWF~
8/25/2009 c15 yaoigirl89
damn it!they didn't even do it! I thought it was gonna be R like sex but no!I like when seras was feeding blood to alucard in da mouth.:)
8/21/2009 c1 Nina
You really need to revise this. There are many grammar mistakes and you keep flitting between the 1st and 3rd person. Also, you do not spell damn with an "e". I think this has the potential to be a really good story. I like the plot so far. However, you need to explain more about Seras' feelings. You can't just say she fell in love, and then base an entire story off it. When these mistakes are fixed, I think you will get a lot more readers. I look forward to the next chapter.
8/19/2009 c15 SpiffyNoodles9
wow truly amazing! luvd it very much! though i think seras being asleep for 2 weeks was a little long
7/3/2009 c14 8SteelShadowFang
AWESOME PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE!
6/11/2009 c14 letitia
please write more thank you it is so good
6/9/2009 c2 KrnYong
the story is pretty interesting, but it's distracting how u keep on switching between 1rst and 3rd person
5/24/2009 c14 ShadowFire71392
OMG SERAS NO! PLEASE UPDATE AGAIN SOON.
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