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1/6/2009 c5 14Incomprehensible
Dun dun dun duhh! Oh, no! A review! =o

A moment of insanity to match your own, 'eh?

The oneshots are good on their own, I enjoyed reading them, but there are a few things you could improve on, if you have the time.

For one, use proper punctuation! I know it's hard to get a grip on, especially since commas, semicolons, exclamation marks and the like are hard to spot sometimes, but (and I know this sounds silly), read your lines out loud before you put them up. I know it's a very first-grader suggestion, but it really does help. Where you find yourself pausing (naturally, not because you ran out of air when you missed the last comma-spot), there are probably some kind of punctuation marks.

Another thing you could try to do is separate those paragraphs. I noticed that you tend to use run-on paragraphs, and tend to not divide where you probably should, but it's harder to do if you're not used to it, so don't worry about it, too much. They also tend to get a little long in regards to length.

In this last chapter, Nuts, I noticed that you used "nuts" too many times. For example, fourth paragraph in, there are five or six mentionings of the word. I don't know about you, but that's a few too many for me in such a short period of time. Try using a thesaurus and finding synonyms for "nuts" or other words when it comes to words too commonly used, it helps, and doesn't make the paragraph look weird and out of context.

I have a question about their time period. Where are they? Is it the Feudal Era or the Modern Era? I'm only asking because you mention a park, and I'm pretty sure they don't have many of those in the Feudal Era. Or baskets (unless Kagome brought it). Oh! And I don't exactly know much about Japan, but I do know that meats are very expensive in Japan, the modern Japan, at least, and turkey would be a harder commodity to access. Never mind expensive as hell.

You used the phrase "Oh woe me" third to last sentence. I was wondering if you meant something else? The traditional phrase is "Woe is me", if you're going after that. If you mean "Woo me", then they are two different things, and the latter doesn't fit at all. Or you could mean something entirely different, and if so, please feel free to yell at me. =)

Overall, though, it's a good collection and I'm glad I read it.

Thanks for the read!

~ Incomprehensible
12/26/2008 c5 13Alternative Angel
~opens mouth~ ...

~shuts it~

~open it again~ ...I don't know what to say about that...

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