3/8/2010 c4 Kisa-Chan
Okay, I'm sorry but I think you definitely rushed this chapter. I can see a lot of grammar mistakes and spelling issues, fragments etc. Actually - ignore the fragments thing I don't give a shiet about fragments ha ha. But it felt choppy and was extremely short (that though, is personal preference - I prefer 1,0+ chapters or one-shots at minimum so this you could probably disregard this comment) but about the choppy part - a lot of your sentences felt jumbled together, rushed and didn't flow properly.

The ideas flowed right, but the sentences didn't seem to flow right to me. :\ Compared to your other one-shots, that is - they all seemed to just flow right and this one just didn't.

But, anyway, spelling and grammar are both HUGE pet peeves of mine (sorry, this is just personal preference so quite frankly you could totally ignore this part as well) and there were just strange words stuck in there that shouldn't have been there. I can make out what you're trying to say but it feels like some jumbled engrish.

This was a fantastic plot idea - I really loved it! It was a good combination of angst and acceptance. But there were so many mistakes I feel like it distracted away from the awesome-ness of the plot and story.

"stuck with an idol who stilled" should just be "still"

"to" - "too"

"Samuri" to "samurai"

"deseted" to "deserted"

And "avioded" is supposed to be "avoided"

"but after Amu's please started talking to him again."

I'm assuming Amu's "please" is supposed to be "pleads"?

There should be an "at" before "First, it was hard" to make it "At first, it was hard"

"She stilled" should be "She still"

And the last part "Huant him in his dreams." - that fragment kind of bothers me, not to mention "huant" should be "haunt". It seems choppy and kind of just thrown in the mix with disregard to whether or not it belonged there.

You could have added it on to the last sentence, saying something like "While Kukai, plays soccer, his wife goes on tours, and dreams of Yaya and how their life together should have been, haunting him in his dreams."

ANYWAYS - sorry for the horrendously long review. I loved your story - and all the one-shots that are part of your "Untold Moments" series - but the mistakes in this one were way more noticeable since this was such a short chapter - and they really took away from how awesomely amazing this chapter was.

Yeah - I loved this chapter! It was a nice take on a real-life situation that could happen to the two (slash four, including Kairi and Utau) and their acceptance of their fates. The angst was fantastically added in - I love angst. xD Especially with this couple.

Anyways, I'm excited to read more!

Sorry this review was so long.

If you want to mail me a response about my review (Perhaps if you thought I came off rude or something [I apologize right now if I did sound rude :\]) you can e-mail me at .

:3

2/7/2010 c3 patri-300
so far ive liked this one best 5/5

2/7/2010 c1 patri-300
They wernt out of character.

Good story my friend ^^

6/20/2009 c4 purplefetish19
.i love it! it was great! all of them.. most especially the chapter 3.. haha.. :] anyways, it was cute.. love it!

4/26/2009 c4 8windlady
Hey! CattyGothLoli-chan, this one’s sad. You have depicted their emotions well but… mmf.. it’s really a sad ending? That’s not like your usual works ne? anyway, I congratulate you on being able to change the tone of this story! ^_^

P.S. Chapter 2: The Puppet’s Puppeteer of my story, Artificial love, has arrived!

~windlady

4/11/2009 c4 60ThanksAgain
I love these! Their so cool!

4/10/2009 c1 Akatsuki Girl
Loli-chan, what was that site you went to that told you your Japanese name. I wan't to try. Please reply. .

(I'm anonymous so I couldn't message you. T^T I'm working on joining though.)