for forever blurred6/24/2009 c7 
6Kointoss
Spazy Naruto,
I'm not going to lie, your writing skills leave much to be desired, but i can tell from your last story that they are getting better. Trust me, i know what it's like not to want to feel like you're rambling, i had a chapter in my fic that was i think over 10k words, it took me two weeks to write. Afterwards i felt so drained i took like a month off, but for you, you need to keep writing.
this story can be really good, it already IS good. At least you have a story line tat you're going off of. I was pretty much flying by the seat of my pants when i wrote mine. Of course i had a few scenes in my head that i needed to work to, but all in all, i think i made my point.
If you want my help, just let me know. Send me where you want to go with this and i will see if i can figure out a way to get there. Also on a side note, i can come up with some pretty good explanation for things. But if you DO want my help, i'm going to tear your story apart. give me your email address and ill proofread your entire thing at once. Trust me, it's going to be colorful, but i think helpful in the long run.
anways, until then.
Kointoss
6KointossSpazy Naruto,
I'm not going to lie, your writing skills leave much to be desired, but i can tell from your last story that they are getting better. Trust me, i know what it's like not to want to feel like you're rambling, i had a chapter in my fic that was i think over 10k words, it took me two weeks to write. Afterwards i felt so drained i took like a month off, but for you, you need to keep writing.
this story can be really good, it already IS good. At least you have a story line tat you're going off of. I was pretty much flying by the seat of my pants when i wrote mine. Of course i had a few scenes in my head that i needed to work to, but all in all, i think i made my point.
If you want my help, just let me know. Send me where you want to go with this and i will see if i can figure out a way to get there. Also on a side note, i can come up with some pretty good explanation for things. But if you DO want my help, i'm going to tear your story apart. give me your email address and ill proofread your entire thing at once. Trust me, it's going to be colorful, but i think helpful in the long run.
anways, until then.
Kointoss
2/9/2009 c4 Paul Evans
Sorry for not reviewing when you first came out with your sequel but I couldn't remember the title and couldn't find it again.
I like how things are going so far. I'm glad Naruto doens't appear to have forgiven her yet and I hope she really has to work for his forgiveness. I was actually glad when Naruto hurt her and did it without any remorse or regret, it was awesome. Keep up the good work.
Sorry for not reviewing when you first came out with your sequel but I couldn't remember the title and couldn't find it again.
I like how things are going so far. I'm glad Naruto doens't appear to have forgiven her yet and I hope she really has to work for his forgiveness. I was actually glad when Naruto hurt her and did it without any remorse or regret, it was awesome. Keep up the good work.
2/8/2009 c4 J.J
wow nice chapter pls. update soon
wow nice chapter pls. update soon
2/8/2009 c4 Data lover
Ok. First I would like to say that the plot seems solid. That said spell check is a must for you. For example did you mean "hokage" instead "hokagai". Spelling errors such as these make the story all the more harder to read. The next and last problem is the lack of detail, from the first to the second chapter something was definitely lost in the translation. To fix this problem add more detail in the next chapter to bridge the gap between chapters.All in all this story has potential, wow i am starting sound like an english teacher oh well. Good luck.
Ok. First I would like to say that the plot seems solid. That said spell check is a must for you. For example did you mean "hokage" instead "hokagai". Spelling errors such as these make the story all the more harder to read. The next and last problem is the lack of detail, from the first to the second chapter something was definitely lost in the translation. To fix this problem add more detail in the next chapter to bridge the gap between chapters.All in all this story has potential, wow i am starting sound like an english teacher oh well. Good luck.
12/11/2008 c2 3Hakkyou no Yami
well... I don't mean to offend you but I really didn't understand a thing from both chapter maybe the first about naruto's parents but the second I have no idea what just happened, also if it wouldn't much trouble could make the chapters a bit more longer.
3Hakkyou no Yamiwell... I don't mean to offend you but I really didn't understand a thing from both chapter maybe the first about naruto's parents but the second I have no idea what just happened, also if it wouldn't much trouble could make the chapters a bit more longer.