for Satisfy7/2/2016 c1 Yun Foxi
Defying all other expectations, I like how you put it in RP format. Makes things a lot simpler for the writer, ne?
Defying all other expectations, I like how you put it in RP format. Makes things a lot simpler for the writer, ne?
9/16/2014 c1 McKennaLyre
Couldnt help but blush during the whole time i was reading my friends are getting my into Yaoi. It was good i cant stop smiling (Im weird i know) and laughing in embarrassment but its wasnt bad it was actually awesome
Couldnt help but blush during the whole time i was reading my friends are getting my into Yaoi. It was good i cant stop smiling (Im weird i know) and laughing in embarrassment but its wasnt bad it was actually awesome
4/15/2012 c1 Kara kun
They're gonna catch a cold If they sleep in the tub...
But anywho's the formats a little odd but more like an RP or something but I really like it.
Ignore those jackasses insulting you, this is great espiscily considering it's your first time
They're gonna catch a cold If they sleep in the tub...
But anywho's the formats a little odd but more like an RP or something but I really like it.
Ignore those jackasses insulting you, this is great espiscily considering it's your first time
2/2/2012 c1 
17Kuro Shiro Sama-Sama
the grammer's kinda bad, but it's still a good story. i give it a 3 1/2 out of 5. you did your best!
17Kuro Shiro Sama-Samathe grammer's kinda bad, but it's still a good story. i give it a 3 1/2 out of 5. you did your best!
6/5/2010 c1 3nita1993
The story itself works very well for a oneshot or a short intro, I found it extremely cute from both characters like any other story where it involves sexual themes that they were both on their first times on everything.
The format, as before, is not very good if you want the readers to enjoy the story and keep it simple enough for them to like it enough to review.
It was fun to read though, different styles are always fun xD Pretty cute Neku by the way! I loved him the most lol
3nita1993The story itself works very well for a oneshot or a short intro, I found it extremely cute from both characters like any other story where it involves sexual themes that they were both on their first times on everything.
The format, as before, is not very good if you want the readers to enjoy the story and keep it simple enough for them to like it enough to review.
It was fun to read though, different styles are always fun xD Pretty cute Neku by the way! I loved him the most lol
2/15/2010 c1 lilacbird
I agree- lose the script format. It does make certain things awkward to read. Still, not bad for a first try. Pay no attention to the ignorant, sexist reviewer who seemed to be against men liking yaoi.
I agree- lose the script format. It does make certain things awkward to read. Still, not bad for a first try. Pay no attention to the ignorant, sexist reviewer who seemed to be against men liking yaoi.
4/27/2009 c1 blonohorror
Uhm, well, your English needs some work, but overall, I liked it a lot. I think that if you practice, you'd be an amazing author!
~Kitsune
Uhm, well, your English needs some work, but overall, I liked it a lot. I think that if you practice, you'd be an amazing author!
~Kitsune
4/26/2009 c1 TwoTailedMoon
Your first? D8
That was pretty good. Maybe cause sexual interaction in showers and baths are my favorite. Idk. Great description. You set up the climax of the story and the characters very well. I applaud you! :D
Your first? D8
That was pretty good. Maybe cause sexual interaction in showers and baths are my favorite. Idk. Great description. You set up the climax of the story and the characters very well. I applaud you! :D
1/9/2009 c1 28Writing Keeper
Um... this is kinda written in a play format and well... i don't know. Another thing there's no such word as "mans" um it's called "men". That stands for more then one man.
28Writing KeeperUm... this is kinda written in a play format and well... i don't know. Another thing there's no such word as "mans" um it's called "men". That stands for more then one man.
12/28/2008 c1 True Blue Dreams
I'd say it was okay for your first attempt, but you might want to consider something not so.. I don't know how to say it, challenging, I guess, for a first time thing, because it makes the story feel awkward seeing as you might not be used to even the thought of like two guys together. You might know about it, but it isn't really seen in this. It is good for a first try no matter what anyone else says, just practice with more of a story format and try not to just "jump into it" because it might just make it harder to read for the people who look at it. Consider getting a beta as well they can be helpful with more than just spelling and punctuation, often times if you ask them they'll give you their opinion and try to tell you how to make it flow better or ideas if you have writer's block.
Don't give up, keep practicing and don't be afraid of asking for help if you need it. :)
-Ballad
I'd say it was okay for your first attempt, but you might want to consider something not so.. I don't know how to say it, challenging, I guess, for a first time thing, because it makes the story feel awkward seeing as you might not be used to even the thought of like two guys together. You might know about it, but it isn't really seen in this. It is good for a first try no matter what anyone else says, just practice with more of a story format and try not to just "jump into it" because it might just make it harder to read for the people who look at it. Consider getting a beta as well they can be helpful with more than just spelling and punctuation, often times if you ask them they'll give you their opinion and try to tell you how to make it flow better or ideas if you have writer's block.
Don't give up, keep practicing and don't be afraid of asking for help if you need it. :)
-Ballad
12/24/2008 c1 DeeBaDee
Are you trying to kill me?
Sure, it was pretty good for your first try, but to start off with yoai is a big step. And kind of strange, considering you're male.
Try not to get attached with the script-read writing you used in this, it almost made me not want to read it. Try writing it like how a story would look!
Enough with the putdowns, try your best and I'm pretty sure you'll be AWESOME!
Are you trying to kill me?
Sure, it was pretty good for your first try, but to start off with yoai is a big step. And kind of strange, considering you're male.
Try not to get attached with the script-read writing you used in this, it almost made me not want to read it. Try writing it like how a story would look!
Enough with the putdowns, try your best and I'm pretty sure you'll be AWESOME!
12/18/2008 c1 Fangirl
This is the most poorly written piece of crap ever.If your going to write something like this then do it right give it some believability.This looks like crap hormones and poor writing ability gone wild.
This is the most poorly written piece of crap ever.If your going to write something like this then do it right give it some believability.This looks like crap hormones and poor writing ability gone wild.