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1/24/2009 c1 5Anne7
You need to change your summary - fast. Because I thought the "was bored" was part of the sentence - that *Fuuma* was bored - I thought, "Oh, this author isn't even able to write a sentence which makes sense, the story can't possibly be any good!" And now that I *have* read your story, I know it really doesn't deserve that impression. Remember, the summary is what every potential reader sees first, and if it doesn't capture their attention and makes them curious about the story, they won't read it - which is a real pity.

Well, about the story itself - I liked it, but you already know my interpretation of Fuuma is totally different, and it's kinda hard for me to accept this contradictory one. The problem is that consensus in fandom holds that the Dark Kamui, is, in fact, also Fuuma - a part of him which was suppressed before his awakening, but not a different person. This isn't clear in the anime, but there are quite a few hints in the manga. If you haven't read that yet, do so - it's a hell of a lot better than the anime, particularly for a Fuuma fan. He just doesn't have anywhere near as much depth in the anime *hearts Fuuma*.

Oh, and you have a few spelling errors in your story - in the part I can see while I write this, it's "caressed" instead of "carrassed", "piece" instead of "peice" and "that's" instead of "thats".

To end on a more positive note, I thought the language in this was quite beautiful. And though the format was a little hard to read, it added to the story's atmosphere. Good work!

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