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for Shades of Grey

1/19/2009 c5 7abovetheserpentine
I thought the interaction during the Potions tutoring was very interesting... the way Hermione is luring Tom into thinking she respects and trusts him is quite cunning. Asking permission, bowing; it's giving him a false sense of security which I think will be very important later on.

I liked how you got Tom to see her memories... however, he's a very quick-witted person, and also very intellectual. I was surprised he wasn't more suspicious, or even figured more things out. However, I understand the need to lengthen and deepen the plot.

I'm not a fan of Ron/Hermione AT ALL, but I don't mind what you're writing. Like you said, it shows how close they were/are.

Liked this chapter. You always write well. :)
1/18/2009 c5 jeanne
oh, why did tom feel the need to reveal his parseltongue gift? wouldn't that tie him to the opening of the chamber of secrets and hence the death of myrtle? or is this a shared secret among slytherins?

glad that loneliness is creeping in on hermione finally. such a poignant scene with ron.

tom is observative and reflective, always in control of whatever situation, emotions always checked-but is he ever gonna show any sadistic/sinister behaviour or is he going to stay subtle and suave like a politician? feeding his lackeys their fantasies in order to secure their loyalty? maybe he's keeping a low profile because he's at his last year of school.

anyways, i have no problem with the pacing of the story, or its length. don't worry about updating, no one's pressuring you, you don't want your story to be written haphazardly. and reviews take time to accumulate...and so now, we wait...with bated breath, heheh...
1/18/2009 c5 16Falke-ness
Great story you have here. I was hooked from the start.
1/18/2009 c5 11Kako
Your review guilt-trip is working, lol. I'll do my best to give you the concrit you want^ ^ Although you shouldn't feel so bad about your hits to review ratio, 10% is actually quite good as far as that goes.

One: The story is really cute. Although it is your standard time-travel romance, I like the believability and set-up of your opening setting and your explanation of Hermione's sorting into Slytherin. I also like how you differentiate the idea of the Head Dormitories by giving it an unusual transportation method. Those descriptions are really cool.

Two: You should probably proofread this story a little more thoroughly, as there were several hanging sentences and formatting errors. Examples include:

1) Barney snorted and the resemblance to Ron grew stronger. ‘She just wants to look good.” - there needs to be a double quote before "She."

2) Slughorn beamed at her and she smiled wanly back. “That’s wonderful, my dear! Tom will be so pleased—he’s a member, you know, and quite fond of. “What did you want to talk about, sir?”

Slughorn you.” - Not sure what's really going on here, but I don't think you meant to include the "Slughorn you" part or the "quite fond of." Plus, there's an unneeded quote before "what."

3) “”She’s right about the potion, you know. -there's an extra quote before "She's"

4) Tom and the little kiddiesshould be along in a tick.” -there should be a space inbetween 'kiddies' and 'should.'

5) he going off to Europe, she to London. . -there's one extra period after 'London.'

This chapter had the most grammatical mistakes I think, but you could probably just go back through the previous chapters easily enough. I’d recommend proofreading right in the document upload section to make sure the formatting errors aren’t happening when you upload the chapter (ex: maybe if you’re using a really new version of Microsoft Word, or you use an Apple, etc—I’m not sure if that actually makes a difference, but since these errors are so easily seen, I thought I’d throw that out there)

I think this promises to be a really interesting story. I can’t wait to see the significance of the writing on the snake and see how exactly Tom and Hermione fall in love (the genre says ‘romance!’ I’ll be waiting for that! xD)

Update soon!

1/18/2009 c5 Charlotte232
I love the chapter!

When Riddle read her thoughts I was like "SNAP OUT OF IT HERMIONE HE"S READING YOU MIND!"


I'm glad that the fanfic is goig to be long, because I love this kind of fanficts. :)

I just hope that Hermione is NOT going to end p with Ron... S:

Cause to tell the true, I REALY DON'T like Ron... Never did.

But if she's going to end up with him AW then don't tell me!

I want to find out at the end of the story! :D
1/18/2009 c5 miki
I agree with the sentiment of not reviewing, though i confess to do it myself. lol.

At some point, i can understand where you're taking this and the emotions that Hermione is struggling with over Ron. Yet i'm still waiting for Harry. I feel you haven't fully explained where he is or his situation, which is altogether worrisome. I would assume she would miss him as much, despite her past with Ron. Though this focuses on Hermione, I would have expected to see a bit more of him, even if it is just memories or dreams. Sorry if I'm dragging on, I just can't get over this tidbit. It's driving me insane.

I do like how you phrase things. Some of the grammer is charming, I think.

So that was my review. :)
1/17/2009 c4 12Blue-Starlight92
I like this. I was a little iffy about it at first- but I kept reading and I like it quite a bit.

You do a good job with having Hermione a little awkward about the forties, but not painfully so- and then having her slowly get more and more comfortable.

I'm a little confused about the whole thing with wandless and the sorting hat though...
1/17/2009 c4 1hermonine
nice story
1/16/2009 c4 jeanne
Thank you for this story. Really, you give your readers too much power. Anyway, I'd like to give my thoughts...

From the tone and mood of your story, as well as the characterizations of Tom, Hermione, and Harry, this is indeed geared towards a sweet ending, as you originally planned. Idk why taking such a path would be less believable. Many think that Tom is a hopeless case, that the past or future cannot be changed because the future self would cease to exist. That there's only one outcome possible for any given decision or action. But, this is potterverse, could magic coexist with science? Time travel is impossible to begin with, why stop there? If one's decisions have consequences on one's future, then why can't Hermione effect a change? Honestly, there are so many fics (many great) that end with Hermione changing nothing, believable, yes, but it's kinda frustrating to see the same outcome every time. Tom is condemned over and over, what's the point of going back? How come the principles of time travel escape Albus' intellect and wisdom? Why is it always a wrong decision to mess with time? Where's the imagination, the what could be? Far as I know the only thing absolute and final is death.

A happy ending doesn't require fluff. But it requires intense character development, as you know. Tom is a teenager, not an adult. As such, he's skeptical, not cynical. He's still open-minded, although calculating. Tom is still learning, making mistakes, testing his limits. He could go either way, depending on which company he keeps or choices he makes. He's no saint or prince, but he's redeemable. He needs someone to show him that power is not all about control or intimidaton, that power can be used for the greater good, or to effect a change. He needs to discover that loneliness is not a weakness, but a blessing, that happiness doesn't always depend on success. I want Tom to rise above all defeatism and adversity.

Your Hermione sees the bigger picture. She realizes that it is not just Tom she needs to change, it's the perception and prejudice prevalent in this time period. As Tom realizes his vision, Hermione discovers her purpose. It's a battle of intellect, wit, will and skill, of two opposites. Your injection of humor is not overdone, I like it.

I like your Tom's musings, though he's a bit too transparent to the reader. Tom is a conundrum, he hides behind his apathetic mask yet is glad that Hermione can see through this mask. Please don't make Tom too easily persuaded, or eager to trust.

Too angsty would give the ending away. But I understand the other two paths/options would require more emphasis on plot than character development.

What I really want to say is, I think you were doing fine on your own. (I'm so biased) I agree with your original vision: this should end happy, fluff-free, but sweet and full of hope. Despite these ramblings, more importantly, write an ending you would be proud of. Thank you for allowing me to bore you with my opinion. :)
1/15/2009 c4 7Akira M
great story. I am glad to see so well written and intresting ff with Hr and TR. hope to see your updates soon:D
1/15/2009 c4 3amorreal
i like were its going so far! keep it up! pls update real soon!
1/15/2009 c4 Chi0303
Regina! I don't even know where to begin to tell you how great your story is. For instance, your writing style is so witty and fluent, that makes reading it truly a great reading pleasure. There are not all that many great fanfictions on this particular ship, so finding your story really made my day^^. I love your characterization of Tom Riddle, ruthless, cold, cunning, but able to put forward a charming and winning facade. It is just the right balance to make it intriguing. I can't wait to see more interaction between him and Hermione (did I already mention, that I love this ship. Just think about their combined brain power...).

Don't want to pressure too much, but I cannot wait to read their potions tutoring lesson.

And out of curiosity, what does Lacrimarum mean? Is it Latin? (i had latin at school, but i must be losing my touch...).

1/14/2009 c4 7abovetheserpentine
Any of those paths seem good... but I'm inclined to the latter two. I don't know, but there doesn't seem to be something right with a sweet ending in Tom/Hermione. Ultimately, it's up to you, though.

I'm really enjoying this story, so I'm sure anything you pick will be entertaining. :)

1/14/2009 c4 eeeekk
long story w/ a happy ending, please!

i really like your writing style :)
1/11/2009 c3 Lady-Isowen
I'm really enjoying this story thus far. Please update very soon! :D
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