1/27/2009 c2 13sylvir
It started very strong but the length of the second chapter is disapointing but I still can't wait to read more. Really Really good please update soon.
It started very strong but the length of the second chapter is disapointing but I still can't wait to read more. Really Really good please update soon.
1/27/2009 c2 62Jelp
Hmm, I didn't expect this. I thought Naruto would be able to make it back to his place safe and sound with Sasuke, but nope! He was interrupted. I wonder if Sasuke will have to be the one that soothes Naruto down.
If he wakes up anytime soon, lol.
~ Jelp
Hmm, I didn't expect this. I thought Naruto would be able to make it back to his place safe and sound with Sasuke, but nope! He was interrupted. I wonder if Sasuke will have to be the one that soothes Naruto down.
If he wakes up anytime soon, lol.
~ Jelp
1/26/2009 c1 6blugirlami21
Well I wasn't expecting that at all. I thought there would be a chase, a chat, and a little fighting but I got something totally unexpected. Even though Sasuke felt some pleasure in the end, he was still violated in the end, it will be interesting to see what both his reaction and Naruto's reaction will be when they get back to Konoha.
Well I wasn't expecting that at all. I thought there would be a chase, a chat, and a little fighting but I got something totally unexpected. Even though Sasuke felt some pleasure in the end, he was still violated in the end, it will be interesting to see what both his reaction and Naruto's reaction will be when they get back to Konoha.
1/24/2009 c1 62Jelp
Overall the chapter was very intriguing: what made Naruto go after Sasuke? How/why did Kyuubi's chakra start leaking into him?
I liked how you explained that Sasuke did try and fight back with a chidori, but was stopped by this newer Naruto. Makes sense that Sasuke couldn't do much as he was probably still pretty drained. If he'd fought Naruto and hadn't yet made it to Orochimaru, it's very likely that his chakra hadn't recovered.
A suggestion: there are some pretty obvious grammar and spelling errors (ironically enough, mostly concentrated in the summary and the first few paragraphs) that should be fixed. Perhaps get a beta reader. Once you do that, I think you'll get a lot more readers for this piece! (And you might want to just say NarutoSasuke once - having it three times seems a bit much.)
Other than that, good job! I'm interested to see how Sasuke reacts to what Naruto did to him. I have a feeling he won't be too happy. X_X ~ Jelp
Overall the chapter was very intriguing: what made Naruto go after Sasuke? How/why did Kyuubi's chakra start leaking into him?
I liked how you explained that Sasuke did try and fight back with a chidori, but was stopped by this newer Naruto. Makes sense that Sasuke couldn't do much as he was probably still pretty drained. If he'd fought Naruto and hadn't yet made it to Orochimaru, it's very likely that his chakra hadn't recovered.
A suggestion: there are some pretty obvious grammar and spelling errors (ironically enough, mostly concentrated in the summary and the first few paragraphs) that should be fixed. Perhaps get a beta reader. Once you do that, I think you'll get a lot more readers for this piece! (And you might want to just say NarutoSasuke once - having it three times seems a bit much.)
Other than that, good job! I'm interested to see how Sasuke reacts to what Naruto did to him. I have a feeling he won't be too happy. X_X ~ Jelp