
1/13 c20
12MacMan3679
I was enjoying this story immensely, right up until you took Sakura's Fire Talisman away. Why give it to her, just to take it away, it makes no narrative sense?

I was enjoying this story immensely, right up until you took Sakura's Fire Talisman away. Why give it to her, just to take it away, it makes no narrative sense?
1/12 c11 MacMan3679
I have always believed the rankings for jutsu and missions were abbreviations; for jutsu the rankings were: E- for Effective, D- for Demonstration, C- for Competition, B- for Better, A- for Advanced, S- for Super, and now, you have added a new ranking N. Could N be short for Nightmare?
I have always believed the rankings for jutsu and missions were abbreviations; for jutsu the rankings were: E- for Effective, D- for Demonstration, C- for Competition, B- for Better, A- for Advanced, S- for Super, and now, you have added a new ranking N. Could N be short for Nightmare?
10/26/2024 c12 Animeworld2.0
Hello, I hope you're doing well!
This is "Fiction Life" YouTube channel, where I share fanfiction stories with an audience that loves listening to them. I recently came across your story and found it so captivating that I would love to share it with my subscribers.
Channel link: FictionLife-zl3oc
With your permission, I would be honored to create a video of your story. I will give full credit to you as the original author in the video description and provide a link back to your original work. Additionally, I will share the video link in the comments of your story so you can see it for yourself.
I genuinely believe your story deserves to reach an even wider audience. Our channel is supported by the community, allowing us to continue spreading great stories like yours to new fans. If you have any suggestions, such as a preferred "What If" title or any other changes you'd like, I'd be more than happy to accommodate them.
Please let me know if this would be okay with you. Thank you so much for considering my request, and I hope to hear from you soon!
Best regards,
Fiction Life!
Hello, I hope you're doing well!
This is "Fiction Life" YouTube channel, where I share fanfiction stories with an audience that loves listening to them. I recently came across your story and found it so captivating that I would love to share it with my subscribers.
Channel link: FictionLife-zl3oc
With your permission, I would be honored to create a video of your story. I will give full credit to you as the original author in the video description and provide a link back to your original work. Additionally, I will share the video link in the comments of your story so you can see it for yourself.
I genuinely believe your story deserves to reach an even wider audience. Our channel is supported by the community, allowing us to continue spreading great stories like yours to new fans. If you have any suggestions, such as a preferred "What If" title or any other changes you'd like, I'd be more than happy to accommodate them.
Please let me know if this would be okay with you. Thank you so much for considering my request, and I hope to hear from you soon!
Best regards,
Fiction Life!
7/27/2024 c27 Visionless1
very good story so far. hopefully, you continue it at some point. I will chek the "follow story" box, but given that this platform doesn't send timely updates, I will have to check back frequently.
very good story so far. hopefully, you continue it at some point. I will chek the "follow story" box, but given that this platform doesn't send timely updates, I will have to check back frequently.
6/8/2024 c2 Binge Reader
Man, the 14 Yo energy is strong here
Man, the 14 Yo energy is strong here
6/3/2024 c8 DarkHunter10
Kakashi's summing up everything sounds a lot like "hellsing abridged"... "Let me get this straight, last night you went on a walk and ..."... "A very energetic walk". ROFL.
Why in the hell is the STUDENT creating techniques for the TEACHER?.. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense... Is naruto powerful or not?... If Kakashi is more powerful then him, then he damn sure wouldn't be getting techniques from him! Remember, at this time THEY Are not EQUAL... And if in this story they ARE equal... WTF is he on this team for? You do NOT have the "Student' instructing the "sensei".. that DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! There is NO POINT to it! There is no point to the ENTIRE SITUATION if you do that! You might as well, throw naruto into the ANBU and just have him "coming along" with a team 7 because he's bored!
Kakashi's summing up everything sounds a lot like "hellsing abridged"... "Let me get this straight, last night you went on a walk and ..."... "A very energetic walk". ROFL.
Why in the hell is the STUDENT creating techniques for the TEACHER?.. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense... Is naruto powerful or not?... If Kakashi is more powerful then him, then he damn sure wouldn't be getting techniques from him! Remember, at this time THEY Are not EQUAL... And if in this story they ARE equal... WTF is he on this team for? You do NOT have the "Student' instructing the "sensei".. that DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! There is NO POINT to it! There is no point to the ENTIRE SITUATION if you do that! You might as well, throw naruto into the ANBU and just have him "coming along" with a team 7 because he's bored!
5/31/2024 c5 DarkHunter10
No matter what he did, he couldn't escape the ANBU... And "put the sword down"...Um not to much of a "kami blessed and divine weapon".. If he can be pinned down and unable to use it by simple ANBU is it? (anbu tend to just be "red shirts"... Easily killable, entirely overhyped) VERY underwhelming... I think you might be OVERDOING the humor now. A little is a good thing, like a good spice... Add too much? and you begin to really ALTER the dish your making.
I've always wondered WHY the gennin are so "confused" and freaked out about Kakashi suddenly reappearing... I mean they've SEEN "replacement jutsu" since they were little, little kids... Heck sasuke GREW UP AROUND IT!(family/house members using it)... Naruto probably did too, considering how much time he's supposed to have been around the hokage...
You'd think naruto would be getting a LITTLE TIRED of "voices in his head".. I gotta admit, it's getting kinda tiresome... You've already got: the fox, the sword, kami and now a new one... This is on TOP of: his mother and father left a piece of themselves, probably a bit of the shinigami... I mean it's gotta be getting AWFULLY "crowded" in there. No wonder he can't "think".. His brain has NO ROOM!
It was NEVER sakura that was effected by the KI... That was sasuke! He was the one that almost committed seppuku... Too bad he was stopped, huh? It went to SHOW that he was ENTIRELY too spoiled by the village. His MIND was weaker than that of a civilian! (partially because of pampering, partially because of the genjutsu from Itachi)
No matter what he did, he couldn't escape the ANBU... And "put the sword down"...Um not to much of a "kami blessed and divine weapon".. If he can be pinned down and unable to use it by simple ANBU is it? (anbu tend to just be "red shirts"... Easily killable, entirely overhyped) VERY underwhelming... I think you might be OVERDOING the humor now. A little is a good thing, like a good spice... Add too much? and you begin to really ALTER the dish your making.
I've always wondered WHY the gennin are so "confused" and freaked out about Kakashi suddenly reappearing... I mean they've SEEN "replacement jutsu" since they were little, little kids... Heck sasuke GREW UP AROUND IT!(family/house members using it)... Naruto probably did too, considering how much time he's supposed to have been around the hokage...
You'd think naruto would be getting a LITTLE TIRED of "voices in his head".. I gotta admit, it's getting kinda tiresome... You've already got: the fox, the sword, kami and now a new one... This is on TOP of: his mother and father left a piece of themselves, probably a bit of the shinigami... I mean it's gotta be getting AWFULLY "crowded" in there. No wonder he can't "think".. His brain has NO ROOM!
It was NEVER sakura that was effected by the KI... That was sasuke! He was the one that almost committed seppuku... Too bad he was stopped, huh? It went to SHOW that he was ENTIRELY too spoiled by the village. His MIND was weaker than that of a civilian! (partially because of pampering, partially because of the genjutsu from Itachi)
5/28/2024 c4 DarkHunter10
Not sure about all this explanation... It's kinda like giving naruto a cannon... Then explaining EVERYTHING about gunpowder and wicks and the metallurgy to make cannon balls... Just seems a BIT much... You don't need advanced mathematics and the history of explosives, just to point and shoot the thing! Just seems like ENTIRELY too much of an INFO DUMP to a TEENAGER (or pre-teen), who is essentially a soldier first! Not a scholar. He's getting "life, death, the REAL world and EVERYTHING in between" suddenly dumped on him, and his goals right now are figuring out how to kick people in the face better! Seems a TOUCH "disconnected", no?
"Your a few miles outside of the village and much more exposed when compared to the average person..."? REALLY?! Naruto's ONLY worry is THE PEOPLE OF THE VILLAGE! He was in more danger IN the village, then he is OUT of the village... Not sure why this is such a difficult concept to comprehend for the old man, when the hokage has 13 YEARS of proof of the fact! He just can't seem to grasp it... Like beating his head into a stone, OVER AND OVER.. He's already bloodied his head, flattened his skull, busted his nose and had his eyes fall out, but he just keeps BASHING his skull over and over still.
INCREDIBLE... The third killed a group of civilians for acting terminally stupid, FINALLY... A small semblance of a BACKBONE begins to peek through... Was he sick? Did he mix up his weed stash(I mean, PIPE TOBACCO) with something else? Did he have a stroke?
"the furry equivalent of a extremely sharp, extremely violent, out-of-control blender"... That was a great turn of phrase... I laughed.
Yeah not sure this is too good a direction... Naruto has to make his OWN legend and he really HASN'T even started yet.. Saddling him with a kid this early on, REALLY shoots him directly in the foot... It gives him a pretty GLARING weakness, before he even gets STARTED doing anything, also shifts a LOT of the focus off of him, when it's HIS story.. He's not even a teen yet, so tying someone else to him, just seem so UNNECESSARY. (as he hasn't even figured out how to take care of HIMSELF yet).
Not sure about all this explanation... It's kinda like giving naruto a cannon... Then explaining EVERYTHING about gunpowder and wicks and the metallurgy to make cannon balls... Just seems a BIT much... You don't need advanced mathematics and the history of explosives, just to point and shoot the thing! Just seems like ENTIRELY too much of an INFO DUMP to a TEENAGER (or pre-teen), who is essentially a soldier first! Not a scholar. He's getting "life, death, the REAL world and EVERYTHING in between" suddenly dumped on him, and his goals right now are figuring out how to kick people in the face better! Seems a TOUCH "disconnected", no?
"Your a few miles outside of the village and much more exposed when compared to the average person..."? REALLY?! Naruto's ONLY worry is THE PEOPLE OF THE VILLAGE! He was in more danger IN the village, then he is OUT of the village... Not sure why this is such a difficult concept to comprehend for the old man, when the hokage has 13 YEARS of proof of the fact! He just can't seem to grasp it... Like beating his head into a stone, OVER AND OVER.. He's already bloodied his head, flattened his skull, busted his nose and had his eyes fall out, but he just keeps BASHING his skull over and over still.
INCREDIBLE... The third killed a group of civilians for acting terminally stupid, FINALLY... A small semblance of a BACKBONE begins to peek through... Was he sick? Did he mix up his weed stash(I mean, PIPE TOBACCO) with something else? Did he have a stroke?
"the furry equivalent of a extremely sharp, extremely violent, out-of-control blender"... That was a great turn of phrase... I laughed.
Yeah not sure this is too good a direction... Naruto has to make his OWN legend and he really HASN'T even started yet.. Saddling him with a kid this early on, REALLY shoots him directly in the foot... It gives him a pretty GLARING weakness, before he even gets STARTED doing anything, also shifts a LOT of the focus off of him, when it's HIS story.. He's not even a teen yet, so tying someone else to him, just seem so UNNECESSARY. (as he hasn't even figured out how to take care of HIMSELF yet).
5/28/2024 c3 DarkHunter10
Ahh yes, naruto doesn't need hand signs, so the sharringan cannot steal his techniques... But um, you do realize the sharringan CAN steal his taijutsu too right? It's the main reason I can't see naruto focusing on this particular field of study... Just seems redundant for naruto to spend CHAPTER AFTER CHAPTER, learning to throw punches and kicks (essentially all taijutsu is), only for the uchiha to take ONE LOOK at him and *bing* got it all, without going through all the training. ..
The "hidden meaning" of the bell test, while kinda OBVIOUS is also quite IMPOSSIBLE... To take three teens, that have up until this point, for their entire LIVES, been in competition with EVERYBODY their age and expect them to INSTANTLY start using teamwork is just STUPID... Especially when you consider the uchiha and the uzumaki DON'T LIKE ONE ANOTHER... It's utter foolishness to think there will be "instantaneous" teamwork.. Again, that's NOT how human psychology works. Also with them finally PASSING, that means they (somehow) have teamwork... So what's the POINT of giving them "teamwork training"? That just seems "busy work"... Or just a cop-out on kakashi's part. I'm gonna guess the second one.. Because kakashi is up there, second only to the third... In terms of "brains oozing outta their ears, from DISUSE". "Showed the ability to be true comrads to each other.".. Um NO, they showed the ability to work against a common enemy, when they all have a goal and motivations that align together... THAT'S IT. Not really "rocket science" here, or even TRUE teamwork... Then there is kakashi's speech... It's "pretty" and flowery... But it's UTTER CRAP.. Naruto KNOWS it's utter crap.. All that stuff about "being supported"? Naruto KNOWS first-hand how "supportive" konoha really can be! Naruto should be "rolling his eyes" through that speech, so hard that they should be physically HEARD. And "trusting" a team? Trusting an uchiha? Yeah... No thanks, that doesn't seem good for the health/life expectancy. and "similar prowess"? Didn't you already say naruto was kinda "leagues above" those two? So they DON'T have "similar prowess"... Again, "pretty speech", utter lies.. But pretty.
I think you've had sasuke say more "coherent words" in this one chapter then he said in the ENTIRE first series of canon!We'll see how this new "personality" works. At least in this one, naruto doesn't have to do all the "heavy lifting" with the team.
Ahh yes, naruto doesn't need hand signs, so the sharringan cannot steal his techniques... But um, you do realize the sharringan CAN steal his taijutsu too right? It's the main reason I can't see naruto focusing on this particular field of study... Just seems redundant for naruto to spend CHAPTER AFTER CHAPTER, learning to throw punches and kicks (essentially all taijutsu is), only for the uchiha to take ONE LOOK at him and *bing* got it all, without going through all the training. ..
The "hidden meaning" of the bell test, while kinda OBVIOUS is also quite IMPOSSIBLE... To take three teens, that have up until this point, for their entire LIVES, been in competition with EVERYBODY their age and expect them to INSTANTLY start using teamwork is just STUPID... Especially when you consider the uchiha and the uzumaki DON'T LIKE ONE ANOTHER... It's utter foolishness to think there will be "instantaneous" teamwork.. Again, that's NOT how human psychology works. Also with them finally PASSING, that means they (somehow) have teamwork... So what's the POINT of giving them "teamwork training"? That just seems "busy work"... Or just a cop-out on kakashi's part. I'm gonna guess the second one.. Because kakashi is up there, second only to the third... In terms of "brains oozing outta their ears, from DISUSE". "Showed the ability to be true comrads to each other.".. Um NO, they showed the ability to work against a common enemy, when they all have a goal and motivations that align together... THAT'S IT. Not really "rocket science" here, or even TRUE teamwork... Then there is kakashi's speech... It's "pretty" and flowery... But it's UTTER CRAP.. Naruto KNOWS it's utter crap.. All that stuff about "being supported"? Naruto KNOWS first-hand how "supportive" konoha really can be! Naruto should be "rolling his eyes" through that speech, so hard that they should be physically HEARD. And "trusting" a team? Trusting an uchiha? Yeah... No thanks, that doesn't seem good for the health/life expectancy. and "similar prowess"? Didn't you already say naruto was kinda "leagues above" those two? So they DON'T have "similar prowess"... Again, "pretty speech", utter lies.. But pretty.
I think you've had sasuke say more "coherent words" in this one chapter then he said in the ENTIRE first series of canon!We'll see how this new "personality" works. At least in this one, naruto doesn't have to do all the "heavy lifting" with the team.
5/28/2024 c2 DarkHunter10
I've always been very confused by something... How does one "pass out", if they are in the mindscape? Wouldn't that kinda destroy/blank out the area? Since it IS his mind and passing out, means the mind shut down... Just seems really bizarre to have someone pass out/get knocked out, if they are ALREADY in their minds. Kinda a chicken/egg problem. Kinda like falling asleep in a dream.
Reading Naruto's mind.. While INSIDE his mind?.. Umm, wouldn't that just be "look around and see the words floating in the air"?
Kyuubi responsible for naruto's abysmal childhood? WAS IT REALLY kyuubi's fault? Because kushina had kyuubi in her and it wasn't really that bad.. SOOOO... It's kinda more Obitdo's fault and the third's fault... Obitdo's for OBVIOUS reasons... The third's for telling anyone anything, WHEN HE DIDN'T HAVE TO.. Also for NOT telling anyone the "good part" of the information to balance it out, AND for not DOING ANYTHING to help naruto! (which is REALLY just STUPID)... So really, those two did LOADS more to screw up naruto's childhood, WAAAAAAY more then kyuubi ever did.
I've always been very confused by something... How does one "pass out", if they are in the mindscape? Wouldn't that kinda destroy/blank out the area? Since it IS his mind and passing out, means the mind shut down... Just seems really bizarre to have someone pass out/get knocked out, if they are ALREADY in their minds. Kinda a chicken/egg problem. Kinda like falling asleep in a dream.
Reading Naruto's mind.. While INSIDE his mind?.. Umm, wouldn't that just be "look around and see the words floating in the air"?
Kyuubi responsible for naruto's abysmal childhood? WAS IT REALLY kyuubi's fault? Because kushina had kyuubi in her and it wasn't really that bad.. SOOOO... It's kinda more Obitdo's fault and the third's fault... Obitdo's for OBVIOUS reasons... The third's for telling anyone anything, WHEN HE DIDN'T HAVE TO.. Also for NOT telling anyone the "good part" of the information to balance it out, AND for not DOING ANYTHING to help naruto! (which is REALLY just STUPID)... So really, those two did LOADS more to screw up naruto's childhood, WAAAAAAY more then kyuubi ever did.
5/28/2024 c1 DarkHunter10
"unfortunitly, sakura wasn't thinking along the same lines"... Interesting, DOES sakura think in the first half of the series? I'm pretty sure if you shined a light in her left ear, the light would come out her right ear... She gets BETTER later... But that beginning is ROUGH... You know how most people think guys sometimes think with their... um... "smaller heads"? Well MOST if not ALL of her motivations and actions/talks seem rooted in her...um.. You get the idea. It's really kinda disturbing.
"Its strange, even after everything the village has done to me, I still want to protect it"... That's not exactly how psychology works... Depending on WHAT the village has done, the more REALISTIC thing that would have happened, is naruto would have become a self-fulfilling prophecy... and PROBABLY either left it, or wiped it out entirely... As it is.. I never really understood the whole "protect the village".. Simply because, he HAS NO TIES to the village! It's always been DUMB to me.. Jinchuriki are SUPPOSED to be connected to the kages.. It's supposed to be KNOWN, so that they will HAVE TIES... As it is, there really is NO REASON for naruto to have any loyalty to the village. If he DOESN'T hate the place... (if what they've done, isn't really that bad), he also has NO REASON to love it either. Even canon kinda mentions that he doesn't really HAVE a reason to care for the place and that without Iruka, he just would have been another Garaa.
"naruto knew he wasn't the most attractive person".. Um wasn't the fourth kinda considered a "heart throb"? And naruto is a FRICKIN' CLONE of him! It is truly BAFFLING how UTTERLY BLIND, everyone in konoha is...It really makes their obsession with eyeballs kinda IRONIC... Maybe they all KNOW they are more blind then bats? -"What did the jounin and anbu have that he didn't"?... Easy.. "PLOT ARMOR"... Naruto will ALWAYS get beaten half-to-death with the nerf bat with authors... While the Uchiha and the other villains of the story will always just "get" powers. Disheartening, but more often then not... TRUE.
"that would be showing a lot of favoritism"? NO, IT DOESN'T.. He's the jinchuriki... THE ULTIMATE WEAPON OF THE VILLAGE and he hasn't been trained AT ALL! (which is BEYOND STUPID) Would have been KINDA awkward if IWA had sent Han and Roshi to Konoha to attack and the only one that could stop them is another jinchuriki.. But THEY NEVER TRAINED THEIR JINCHURIKI! All konoha could do is go.. "ooops, sorry, we had an extreme case of TERMINAL STUPIDITY! Could you maybe come back in a few years, now that we've had our collective heads pulled out of our asses?"
"unfortunitly, sakura wasn't thinking along the same lines"... Interesting, DOES sakura think in the first half of the series? I'm pretty sure if you shined a light in her left ear, the light would come out her right ear... She gets BETTER later... But that beginning is ROUGH... You know how most people think guys sometimes think with their... um... "smaller heads"? Well MOST if not ALL of her motivations and actions/talks seem rooted in her...um.. You get the idea. It's really kinda disturbing.
"Its strange, even after everything the village has done to me, I still want to protect it"... That's not exactly how psychology works... Depending on WHAT the village has done, the more REALISTIC thing that would have happened, is naruto would have become a self-fulfilling prophecy... and PROBABLY either left it, or wiped it out entirely... As it is.. I never really understood the whole "protect the village".. Simply because, he HAS NO TIES to the village! It's always been DUMB to me.. Jinchuriki are SUPPOSED to be connected to the kages.. It's supposed to be KNOWN, so that they will HAVE TIES... As it is, there really is NO REASON for naruto to have any loyalty to the village. If he DOESN'T hate the place... (if what they've done, isn't really that bad), he also has NO REASON to love it either. Even canon kinda mentions that he doesn't really HAVE a reason to care for the place and that without Iruka, he just would have been another Garaa.
"naruto knew he wasn't the most attractive person".. Um wasn't the fourth kinda considered a "heart throb"? And naruto is a FRICKIN' CLONE of him! It is truly BAFFLING how UTTERLY BLIND, everyone in konoha is...It really makes their obsession with eyeballs kinda IRONIC... Maybe they all KNOW they are more blind then bats? -"What did the jounin and anbu have that he didn't"?... Easy.. "PLOT ARMOR"... Naruto will ALWAYS get beaten half-to-death with the nerf bat with authors... While the Uchiha and the other villains of the story will always just "get" powers. Disheartening, but more often then not... TRUE.
"that would be showing a lot of favoritism"? NO, IT DOESN'T.. He's the jinchuriki... THE ULTIMATE WEAPON OF THE VILLAGE and he hasn't been trained AT ALL! (which is BEYOND STUPID) Would have been KINDA awkward if IWA had sent Han and Roshi to Konoha to attack and the only one that could stop them is another jinchuriki.. But THEY NEVER TRAINED THEIR JINCHURIKI! All konoha could do is go.. "ooops, sorry, we had an extreme case of TERMINAL STUPIDITY! Could you maybe come back in a few years, now that we've had our collective heads pulled out of our asses?"
5/11/2024 c23 Autobot-Wolfsketch
This is possibly one of my most favorite chapters. The fights were absolutely crazy. Is he insane and that remember the name song reference was perfect
This is possibly one of my most favorite chapters. The fights were absolutely crazy. Is he insane and that remember the name song reference was perfect