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2/24/2009 c1 41e-pony
Hey, Jeannie!

Well, your grammar and spelling are definitely cleaner here, and this is certainly a feel good-type story.

I hope to see your style keep maturing and look forward to reading your next fic. Perhaps something darker and grittier or an adventure story?

Pony
2/13/2009 c1 122cheride
I agree with Owl, that there's been obvious improvement in your writing. I'm glad to see you incorporating more dialogue, rather than simple narrative prose.

If I could make one suggestion, it would be to drastically reduce the number of times you use a character's name, especially in conversation. Most people don't really address each other directly when speaking in RL, and it makes the dialogue sound a bit unnatural. Even in the narrative, it isn't necessary to use the name repeatedly; a blend of proper and improper nouns, as well as pronouns (Milt/the judge/he) can give your writing a more natural flow.

And a slightly belated congratulations on your first anniversary of writing.
2/10/2009 c1 165owlcroft
I know how hard you worked on this one, and it does show. There's been a definite improvement in your writing over the last year. I would advise saying the lines of dialogue out loud; see if you can "hear" their voices saying those words.

The more you write, the better you'll get and the more betas you have look your stories over, the more input you'll get on how to improve. Keep learning, keep going!

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