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for How to Empty a Commissary

1/17/2015 c1 19Smiling Seshat
There are some minor issues with punctuation I think you might find nice to know:

"So, did you hear the news?" Lt. Lisa Jones asked her one of her fellow nurses.

('her one of her fellow nurses' sounds weird. I think you should take off that first 'her', it seems out of place.)

"It seems that SG1 just got back from some planet where they found somebody of some importance around here." Lisa said shrugging.

(Should be: '"(...) around here," Lisa said, shrugging.' The dot after 'here' should be a comma, and there should be a comma after 'said'.)

"Who?" Rebecca asked becoming curious since it was SG1 involved.

(There should be a comma after 'asked'.)

"I do not know who, I just overheard one of the Marines mention someone they call something doc." Lisa said shrugging again in puzzlement.

(There should be a dot instead of a comma after 'I do not know who.' After 'doc,' it should be a comma instead of a dot. There should also be a comma after 'said'.)

"Uhm, Lisa, this is important…which Marine and what exactly did he or she say?" Lt. Gabriela Green asked with a shaky breath.

(There should be a space after the elipsis. 'Which' should have a capital letter since it's a new sentence.)

It's not that important to correct these things, but I thought you might want to know, since it could be useful for you.
8/29/2010 c1 EccentricRage
loved it. id so be one of thos people. lol
8/21/2010 c1 1Lord of No Fate
my memory may be a little fuzzy over the actual episode, but this is pretty funny and it does effectivle answer the question that the title poses. so good job.
10/31/2009 c1 22campylobacter
Every nurse and orderly and other personnel

that had been in the room were running out the door

heh heh heh

Don't ask, don't tell. Everyone wants to get into Daniel's pants!
3/31/2009 c1 19SweetXSacrifice
It's funny how daniel is completely oblivious to all the nurses' obsession over him.
2/14/2009 c1 1Lady Onya
LOL...you know I love this one. :)
2/13/2009 c1 spacegypsy1
Very nice! Roc Doc! And the great exodus! perfect. B
2/13/2009 c1 75drgemini86
lmao... reminds me of Last Crusade where Indy had to climb out of a window to escape all those students. hehe. lol. Rock doc... sure fire way to empty the Commissary (esp. if any men in there swing that way... ;o) Mind you, he seems to be well-liked if the Marines have given that pet-name).

Nice work!

: )
2/13/2009 c1 64Bunnylass
Lol, I can actually see something like that happen! It's always the little moments that are the best.

This was great, thanks for sharing! :)

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