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for The Unseen Shadow

1/24/2010 c8 5Inushuik
It's good, but all it really is, is your cats getting apprentice/warrior names. I dont entirely see a plot going on here. You have to many things that have nothing to do with each other all happening at one time, take it slower.

If you work on this, I think it could be an amazing story.

-Inushuik
6/13/2009 c1 Bobby
Ur pic is awsome and I luv ur stry update soon. :D I cnt wit 2 gt a fn fction accunt...
5/4/2009 c1 The Awesome Squiggle
can you clean up on your cat names they are very messy
5/3/2009 c9 3Shy Summer Wind
not to be rude, but this was really boring a short. update asap!
5/3/2009 c9 4NanixLanix
This chapter was nicely put together! No, there weren't twenty million mistakes. :) You only need to make sure your sentences make sense, some were run on sentences. Maybe a bit more paragraphs, and just one typo. Your doing great on the story! Keep it up, please!
4/27/2009 c8 3Shy Summer Wind
show, don't tell...you don't need to describe every cat in detail whenever you mention a new cat, you already did that in the Alligences. Great story, update asap!
3/15/2009 c7 1ShadowInYourEyes
Wow! I like it so far. Where does this take place? The old forest, by the lake, or a new location? Keep up the good work. I can't wait for the next chapter.
3/12/2009 c5 2Jarrtail
Heh. In a way, I'm almost glad of your writing. It gives me something that might encourage people to set up a SueSlaying or PPC department in this fandom.

Is the subtle nuances of this getting through you thick skull? Let me try to say it simpler. YOU SUCK. Really. You either use the enter key too much or to little. You butcher correct grammar and spelling. And you blatantly ignore canon facts. Get an intelligent beta reader, (Not that sychofantic Pink Kitty Cat. She is not an asset. She does not improve your writing. Am I getting through here?) and read the entire warriors series until you've got those actual facts of canon through your head. And then, maybe you won't get all these flames.

Good luck,

-Jarrtail
3/9/2009 c7 2Iceshadow27
Sorry I haven't read the story sooner, I've been busy. Anyways your story sounds great and I can't wait to read more. :)
3/4/2009 c7 Flamer01
Your names are too repetitive. I stopped reading the list cus i saw 'Storm' 'Blood' and 'Scar' more times in the first few lines then i should in the entire Alliances. Get a Beta, or and English/Creative Writing teacher...they help.

-Flamer01
3/4/2009 c6 Flamer01
Must i write? and I'll have you know i do not ENJOY hurting people. I simply do when i need to...like during this story. Write a good story, and you might get to see the nice side of me rarely seen on this sight, seeing as most of the stories are Bulls.hit

-Flamer01
3/4/2009 c5 Flamer01
You CANNOT expect good reviews, can you? hahaha. I see I jinxed (or would have if I'd reviewed when the story came out) the good formatting of this "Fic" Another Poem format. Oh well.

-Flamer01
3/4/2009 c4 Flamer01
Hm...better formatting. still S.hitty plot, though. Grammar is terrible as well...still. i recommend a Beta. and one who actually has writing skills, NOT someone like Pink Kitty Cat who thinks she, and you, have writing skills. have a nice day.

-Flamer01
3/4/2009 c3 Flamer01
MY EYES! Oh God, did i just read, ahh, what did i just read! the prologue was a block, and this is written in poem format! there's a 'tab' button, u know. we use THAT little wonder for something called 'indenting' (in-dent-ing) your Grammar, spelling, and formatting could all use some work, it wouldn't hurt to improve your plot as well. I flame to help, not to hurt. Best of luck.(oh, and i WILL get an account, so u want to take your rage at my "Pointless" flames, send me a PM)

-Flamer01
3/2/2009 c5 27Qzil
You fail at dialogue, plot, and use of the enter key.
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