Just In
for Price to pay

8/23/2016 c1 USMCWannab3
Ok, where shall I start. I like the concept of the varden being defeated, the last egg hatching for Galbatorix and Eragon and Saphira having to flee/find help. I wish there was more, but after seven years of no activity, I can only hope you will decide to finish. Now for the critique portion of this review. One, was Saphira wounded before or after reaching the desert? Because it seems like she was impaled after she landed. Although, by whom the story doesn't say. I would bet on the "Arya" in the shadows being the culprit. Which brings me to another issue. I give Eragon three strikes for his actions in this story. One, chasing after a mysterious shadow (who he believes to be Arya), which is idiotic, because 1. how could that be Arya? Did you see her follow you on dragon back? How did she keep up or get there before you? 2. You left your dragon, who you presumably love above all else, alone with a spear in her leg and 3. You made Saphira cry. Three strikes, you're an asshole Eragon. Also, why would Dearicon guard the tomb of someone who committed genocide against his race? If Darkclaw was dead there would be no point, because you wouldn't defend the tomb of a genocidal elf from grave robbers or defilers and if he was alive it would only be to to ensure he never escaped. But that doesnt make sense because Dearicon tells Saphira how to open the sarcaphogus, Darkclaw is housed in. Also, I like how Saphira brings up that she doesn't have a mate when Darkclaw asked why she summoned him. I'm not sure if Darkclaw would be able to help you with that part, but, who knows. Also, I know Galbatorix is evil but, unless this AU had the dragons serve him willingly, instead of being name-slaves I wouldn't consider them evil. Finally, now you've got me dying to know what did Saphira agree to, to get Darkclaw's help,
2/1/2013 c1 dragongirl
luv it but write moooooooooooore
8/18/2012 c1 1DaedalusInc
Second chapter please?
6/14/2011 c1 x0DragonObsession0x
Ya I don't see how Arya would happen to be in the same mountain range as them by coincidince. And the fact that Eragon would leave Saphira so easily.

Anyways it's good so far
12/10/2010 c1 Obliterator1519
i like this story plz update soon
4/24/2009 c1 2RaneInfernum
Eragon may love Arya, but why would he just abandoned Saphira? And where did the spear come from? I don't mean to be rude, but this is NOT a good story.
3/17/2009 c1 2Path Unknown
This isn't a bad first chapter, but only from the last paragraph did I really understand what was goin on... Usually the first paragraph of a story lines out what has happened and the real plot starts many chapters later, but good effort since most of the other things you have written are just poems.

As far as the grammar and such is, telling apart who is speaking was tough as it should follow the rule of "New speaker, new line." That is one things that makes many stories confusing to follow.

When Eragon left Saphira the words that described her emotion were good, and her reaction, by assumption, would be exactly what you have.

Overall, I like the way this story could go, and if you plan on making 150+ chapters, this could be really good...

I'll be waiting...

2/21/2009 c1 14Optomistic Emo Kleptomaniac

update pwease^^

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service