for If Darks Tamer Was A Girl7/2/2010 c1 
39Ai Star
cool! what a twist! nice one! a spelling mistake on the bottom of the page but still very good, a nice start to the story. keep up the good work update soon! ^w^
39Ai Starcool! what a twist! nice one! a spelling mistake on the bottom of the page but still very good, a nice start to the story. keep up the good work update soon! ^w^
4/23/2010 c1 rini anointed436
Though this is not very original, I'd like to see your own interpretation of the anime. You have good sentence structures. You also did a good job on the descriptions. However, it's best to get a beta to look over the grammar and punctuation errors for you if you don't feel like proofreading your work before submitting it. Please don't let a certain "criticism" prevent you from continuing. The most important thing is that you're trying to do the best that you can in your first attempt at writing a D.N.Angel fic. I wonder how the relationship will be like with Dark having to share a girl's (Rei's) body. I hope you'll continue this fic someday.
In a sentence like this one, capitalization isn't necessary at the beginning of the phrase after the dialogue unless it's the name of the person:
"I won't let you go." He said getting closer to her and pinning her arms and legs down.
Correction: "I won't let you go," he said, getting closer to her and pinning her arms and legs down.
Though this is not very original, I'd like to see your own interpretation of the anime. You have good sentence structures. You also did a good job on the descriptions. However, it's best to get a beta to look over the grammar and punctuation errors for you if you don't feel like proofreading your work before submitting it. Please don't let a certain "criticism" prevent you from continuing. The most important thing is that you're trying to do the best that you can in your first attempt at writing a D.N.Angel fic. I wonder how the relationship will be like with Dark having to share a girl's (Rei's) body. I hope you'll continue this fic someday.
In a sentence like this one, capitalization isn't necessary at the beginning of the phrase after the dialogue unless it's the name of the person:
"I won't let you go." He said getting closer to her and pinning her arms and legs down.
Correction: "I won't let you go," he said, getting closer to her and pinning her arms and legs down.
4/9/2009 c1 6Koikokoro
Okey, i've gotta admit, I was a little sceptic (sp?) about this story, but it was actually really good! It was a little confusing at first, but it didn't take long to understand it all. Anyway. You are a very good writer, and I really like this story! I'd like to know how Rika & Dark will get along?
Update soon, please :)
6KoikokoroOkey, i've gotta admit, I was a little sceptic (sp?) about this story, but it was actually really good! It was a little confusing at first, but it didn't take long to understand it all. Anyway. You are a very good writer, and I really like this story! I'd like to know how Rika & Dark will get along?
Update soon, please :)
4/3/2009 c1 40Jack C. Trade IV
Ok, this is getting kind of anoying.With Dark's tamer being female. Not very orignal, you stick to the Anime too much that it doesn't make sence. Does thst mean Daisuke and Rika share the same birthday?
You need to rewrite this to make it better. You can if you try to make it make sence. How it is is just a copying the real thing with Daisuke as Dark's tamer. Throw in some diffrent lines. It's to much mess up.
40Jack C. Trade IVOk, this is getting kind of anoying.With Dark's tamer being female. Not very orignal, you stick to the Anime too much that it doesn't make sence. Does thst mean Daisuke and Rika share the same birthday?
You need to rewrite this to make it better. You can if you try to make it make sence. How it is is just a copying the real thing with Daisuke as Dark's tamer. Throw in some diffrent lines. It's to much mess up.