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2/29/2016 c1 6sueodeluna2
me dejas muda
7/3/2012 c1 Guest
I would like to see another chapter from Q's point of view
7/3/2012 c1 Xander Floyd
I didn't quite get it. I'm not saying that it wasn't good, I'm just saying that I didn't quite get it. Maybe I'll read this again while listening to the song or something... But anyway, nice work. It's very clear that Huntress has been shot in the heart with this issue and that she will have a hard time recovering from it. Anyway, to each their own. I liked it, and that's what matters in my opinion.

Alexander XIII aka "Xander"
7/1/2012 c1 Guest
So sad :(
7/2/2012 c1 Sloan33
Okay, so I'm gonna go off a whim here. So, I only know Huntress from the TV show Birds of Prey, and only a few comics, so I'm not sure if she was in character or not. I definately felt an emotional jarring, maybe a little /too/ much, if you know what I mean.
Her love for 'Q' seems to be very strong, and I'm hoping that they got together after this.
There's just a bit of awkwardness in some of the writings here.
For instance, 'silentness'. Couldn't you just put silence? It would give the story a better opening than it has. The bold is a little much, too. Italics would do the job!
All in all, a good little fic about Huntress' heartbreak and her love for Q. Well worth the time reading it!
Awesome job. :)
7/1/2012 c1 12The Death Frisbee
I'm fandom-dumb in your fandom as well, so please pardon me if any suggestions seem unthematic.

The tone of this is good and the length is appropriate. Not knowing the fandom, I nonetheless get an emotional depth here, and the emotions you describe of someone who's just had an affair are valid.

I would like a bit more description of the city at the end. I feel like it could be any city, and I'd recommend some detail there, because otherwise it feels a bit jarring to move from the personal and detailed to the very anonymous and insigniicant.

The 'she had a flashback' phrasings feel like they could be a bit more elegantly handled. I think what's bothering me is the word 'flashback' - it feels a bit too clinical for the rest of your narration. 'Memory,' 'dream,' anything along those lines would seem more fitting in my book. Matter of taste, though.

SPAG below. Hope the suggestions are helpful!

***

SPAG:

Silence swirled in the atmosphere.

She didn't mean to have (the/an) affair

the thing was, a part of her

But, she knew, as badly as she wanted to think otherwise, she knew that he wasn't coming back. - You have two she knews in here. If this is stylistic, I'd add a third 'she knew' to make it clearer that the thought is repeated.

with the 'from the's in that same paragraph, be consistent with the commas - either separate them or not.

Losing someone that good hurt. (past-tense)

really vivid - too casual. 'Quite vivid' or 'extremely vivid,' maybe?

It was a roller coaster she didn't want to end. - (Soon is unnecessary, and you're missing an 'a'.)

Never again would she love someone like she had loved Q.

as bad as she.

he asked; the rage in his voice rung with every word.

she said, refusing

in the room she was in - awkward. Which room?
7/1/2012 c1 41Tune4Toons
If someone hasn't mentioned this already, copyright lyrics can cause serious trouble around here, and could get this fic deleted. Thought you should know that. I'm also recommending against the bold, because it appears jarring since it takes the attention away from the story itself.

As for the story, I did enjoy it; you can feel her anguish from her mistake, and I liked the comparison between Question and Richard. A few nitpicks here: you had [Your] when it should be [you're/you are] and [persons'] when you meant [person's (singular)]. There were also a few moment's where you had some comma splices such as [She couldn't blame him, it was partially her fault also.] where the comma was connecting two complete sentences where it should be a period or semicolon.

Other than that and the lyrics, you did a nice job on this. Cheers!

Tune
6/30/2012 c1 1bunnibits
You do know that copyrighted lyrics are against the site rules, right? I suggest that you remove them once you get a chance.

Now as for the actual story, it wasn't that bad. I really the descriptions that you used. It's been a while since I last read a Justice League fic (not counting Young Justice), though so I'm a little rusty when it comes to the characters. Aside from the distracting lyrics, it was quite enjoyable. xXKiraUzumakiXx
7/2/2011 c1 scarletwitch0
Hopefully he'll forgive her in time and they'll get back together. She'll learn from this not to hurt the ones we love. She didn't know how good she had it, until she decided to "test the waters."
12/19/2010 c1 8CharmedSerenity
Couldn't ask you from a private message, but would you be in interested in a JLU RPG forum?
3/14/2009 c1 1Melima
It was really good, poor Q though.
3/14/2009 c1 QuestionHuntressSoulmates
It was sad and great at the same time.You should have wrote another.
3/7/2009 c1 1storyforgeter49
i loved it! it was really interesting!
3/7/2009 c1 25Miles333
Wow, that was a really well-written story. I found myself feeling sorry more for Question than Huntress, though. ;) Great work! :D

-M3

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