for Going Home11/13/2022 c28 Shukushaka
Great...simple...and just great
Great...simple...and just great
7/21/2022 c16 Jane F
Well now who's nosy! It's not like she suspected Snape of hurting her daughter.
Well now who's nosy! It's not like she suspected Snape of hurting her daughter.
7/21/2022 c15 Jane F
I understand why this chapter is as it is, but the lack of any background supporting it makes it stick out a little. We don't know that much about Hermione's parents, but I don't remember there being anything about their hate for magic, I mean, they let her go to the school for 7 years and payed for all the books, cauldron, etc. Why would her father suddenly behave like that?
I understand why this chapter is as it is, but the lack of any background supporting it makes it stick out a little. We don't know that much about Hermione's parents, but I don't remember there being anything about their hate for magic, I mean, they let her go to the school for 7 years and payed for all the books, cauldron, etc. Why would her father suddenly behave like that?
7/21/2022 c11 Jane F
This was definitely a good one, and in character!
This was definitely a good one, and in character!
7/21/2022 c9 Jane F
And here I had a painful flashback :) pretty much all the children tend to like me, whether they are related to me or not. And as much as I like them back, being hunted down and made to play-talk-read, etc, while parents are enjoying such fun time without having to do anything at my expense at some point becomes increasingly annoying. Now I have somewhat of a grudge against parents like that. And the interaction at the table is one of the reasons a three year old should not be allowed at the high table...
And here I had a painful flashback :) pretty much all the children tend to like me, whether they are related to me or not. And as much as I like them back, being hunted down and made to play-talk-read, etc, while parents are enjoying such fun time without having to do anything at my expense at some point becomes increasingly annoying. Now I have somewhat of a grudge against parents like that. And the interaction at the table is one of the reasons a three year old should not be allowed at the high table...
7/21/2022 c8 Jane F
The writing keeps getting better! That's wonderful. Some things still bug me logic-wise though, like Samantha being at the high table, that's entirely unrealistic, even the best behaved three year old would be often disruptive, and it's not something to demonstrate to the entire school, it's not fair to the child, not fair to the teachers. I understand that you wanted to use her for group interactions, but it's the beauty of HP world, that if one closes eyes on the magical part, it actually fairly realistic, so to have something unrealistic done purely for plot development when it could be achieved by another means, is a bit disappointing. Especially since yhe writing is good.
The writing keeps getting better! That's wonderful. Some things still bug me logic-wise though, like Samantha being at the high table, that's entirely unrealistic, even the best behaved three year old would be often disruptive, and it's not something to demonstrate to the entire school, it's not fair to the child, not fair to the teachers. I understand that you wanted to use her for group interactions, but it's the beauty of HP world, that if one closes eyes on the magical part, it actually fairly realistic, so to have something unrealistic done purely for plot development when it could be achieved by another means, is a bit disappointing. Especially since yhe writing is good.
7/20/2022 c6 Jane F
The writing is getting better and better.
On the other hand, things went a bit too easily with the parents, if they are the kind of people who would actually throw her out, of course. I think, it would be more believable if they pressed her to get an abortion (it still needs explaining why she didn't, surely there has to be some analog of a morning after pill), and she left angrily and avoided them for the next few years.
And again with the overly charming child. A headmistress having a few free hours to play a babysitter two days before the beginning if a school year, really?
The writing is getting better and better.
On the other hand, things went a bit too easily with the parents, if they are the kind of people who would actually throw her out, of course. I think, it would be more believable if they pressed her to get an abortion (it still needs explaining why she didn't, surely there has to be some analog of a morning after pill), and she left angrily and avoided them for the next few years.
And again with the overly charming child. A headmistress having a few free hours to play a babysitter two days before the beginning if a school year, really?
7/20/2022 c4 Jane F
Sorry, it's one of my sore spots so I can't stop myself from commenting: that's not how legimency works! Snape says it loud and clear in the books. It's not mind-reading, it's memory-watching, so people can't talk using it. It would be one thing if it wasn't explained in the books, but it very clearly was.
Not to mention, there was no indication that she noticed Snape, so it's a bit out of the blue that she uses it against him. Him coming to see her parents seems out of character too. Sorry, rant finished.
You are good at writing language-wise, but some consistency would be nice too. Again, sorry, too many people make this lazy mistake this legimency, it's a bit maddening.
Sorry, it's one of my sore spots so I can't stop myself from commenting: that's not how legimency works! Snape says it loud and clear in the books. It's not mind-reading, it's memory-watching, so people can't talk using it. It would be one thing if it wasn't explained in the books, but it very clearly was.
Not to mention, there was no indication that she noticed Snape, so it's a bit out of the blue that she uses it against him. Him coming to see her parents seems out of character too. Sorry, rant finished.
You are good at writing language-wise, but some consistency would be nice too. Again, sorry, too many people make this lazy mistake this legimency, it's a bit maddening.
7/20/2022 c2 Jane F
Why would a single mother avoid using magic in general? Raising a child is a full time job. It is rewarding, yes, but hard even with the support system. I know that washing dishes is therapeutic for many, so I understand that bit, but avoiding magic in general when one is tired and didn't sleep through the night in weeks as it happens with very young children, and the magic can make your life just a little bit easier... no, that I cannot believe. Sorry :)
Why would a single mother avoid using magic in general? Raising a child is a full time job. It is rewarding, yes, but hard even with the support system. I know that washing dishes is therapeutic for many, so I understand that bit, but avoiding magic in general when one is tired and didn't sleep through the night in weeks as it happens with very young children, and the magic can make your life just a little bit easier... no, that I cannot believe. Sorry :)
7/20/2022 c1 Jane F
Thank you, it is a nice start to the story, it does need a bit of editing, but not too much. The mystery is established, the heroes met. All is going well. I'm glad there was no character bashing so far. I'm not a fan of Molly's but it is annoying how so many make a monster out of her instead of a person with good sides and bad.
As for constructive criticism, I'm not sure about Snape's hatred, he didn't really show that much hatred in the books, and here while he is snide, those are not really the words of hate (and why would they be?), so the interpretation seems a bit exaggerated. And a bit too much of Samantha's presence. It is obvious that she'll play an important role in the story, but there is no need to repeat so many times how adorable she is and how everyone falls in love with her to the detriment of plot development. Not to mention it actually could make her less likeable and more of a child Mary Sue. I hope there will be teachers that don't really care if she's there or not as long as she doesn't bug them, and she throws a tantrum or two to make things more realistic :)
Thank you, it is a nice start to the story, it does need a bit of editing, but not too much. The mystery is established, the heroes met. All is going well. I'm glad there was no character bashing so far. I'm not a fan of Molly's but it is annoying how so many make a monster out of her instead of a person with good sides and bad.
As for constructive criticism, I'm not sure about Snape's hatred, he didn't really show that much hatred in the books, and here while he is snide, those are not really the words of hate (and why would they be?), so the interpretation seems a bit exaggerated. And a bit too much of Samantha's presence. It is obvious that she'll play an important role in the story, but there is no need to repeat so many times how adorable she is and how everyone falls in love with her to the detriment of plot development. Not to mention it actually could make her less likeable and more of a child Mary Sue. I hope there will be teachers that don't really care if she's there or not as long as she doesn't bug them, and she throws a tantrum or two to make things more realistic :)
5/16/2022 c21 Ariela00
I like this interpretation of Molly. So much better than the ones where she’s obsessed with Hermione making Ron happy or just being outright nasty to her.
I like this interpretation of Molly. So much better than the ones where she’s obsessed with Hermione making Ron happy or just being outright nasty to her.