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for Sick Feeling

7/10/2010 c1 18Party-Shoes16
I thought that was cute. Leave it to Two-Bit to come up with something like that.

I think Darry and Soda would have noticed, but then again they're so used to predicting their baby brother that maybe they'd miss him growing up.
6/14/2009 c1 WordsANDpaper
Hey you should write more stories like this!

Good job
4/15/2009 c1 1Zoe Nightshade
I think that you are a great writer, but other than some grammatical errors, It is a little out of character. I know that you admit in your author's note that Ponyboy is OOC, but the idea of him being OOC because a of a girl is awkward. I know that the rest of the gang is made up of his friends, but still, they probably wouldn't help him that much with Patricia. They would probably tease his a bit and then apologize; some of them, anyway. Also, while you were having Ponyboy remember the day he met the girl, I think you should have used it in dialogue of him telling Two-Bit. I also don't think it would make him sick. You should put more detail too. You should tell us why he is in love with the girl, and maybe his feelings on Dally and Johnny. Keep writing,

3/22/2009 c1 3Steph36
Well, Pony had a crush on Cherry after just meeting her, so I don't think that it's ooc for him to crush right away. I would have maybe put a few more sentences of dialogue between them, even just about her catching up on work something. One sentence seemed a little short to develop a crush. I thought the story was really good, though!
3/21/2009 c1 2LillyAnnSkigh
i don't like the story
3/21/2009 c1 10lala999
the story is ok.

the thing i don't get is that how can Patricia be a greaser girl if she is is new to Tulsa.
3/21/2009 c1 1White Lion 18
Cool! you wrote a story for The Outsiders!
3/21/2009 c1 deaddd account
Overall I do like the idea for this.

Just a couple things.

1) You wrote: "I rubbed my eyes and scowled, but I got out of bed, anyway." Delete the comma before anyway.

2) The gang wasn't always at the Curtis's. They do have homes of their own.

3) You wrote: "I knew what he was thinking: the anniversary of Johnny and Dally’s deaths was a couple weeks away, but I was sure it wasn’t that." You might want to get rid of the colon and simply capitalize the. It would make more sense.

4) You don't need so many dialogue tags. Don't worry I used to put a ton in my story too. Someone pointed out to me and it was a helpful tip. It makes the writing flow more naturally. I thought I'd share the advice with you.

5) You wrote: “Hey, I promise I’m fine, all right? Really, I am!” all right should be one word, alright? Ha! Sorry.

6) You wrote: “I told you. I feel sick to my stomach, distracted, kind of dizzy, and unable to sleep. Why?" There shouldn't be a period after you.

7 "My face got hot. Two-Bit was right. I remembered that day clearly." could easily be "My face got hot as I realized Two-Bit was right. I remembered that day clearly." It flows nicer this way. Not as choppy.

Overall I did like it. Sorry to nitpick the little things. Your grammar is decent. We all miss things here and there. I do hope you update. As I'm interested to see where this goes.
3/21/2009 c1 Skittles 271981
This is good! I don't remember if you've ever written anything for the Outsiders

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