for The So Unknown10/12/2014 c17 Michele O'S
I know it's been quite a while since you finished this story, and I have full intentions of reviewing once I'd finished. Alas, I had to stop and send a pre-review.
This story has had me smiling, cringing, nearly in tears, and a few giggles along the way. The relationship you've developed between Jasper and Bella is an emotional maelstrom of awesomeness. And it is breaking my heart! *grins* I rarely get emotionally invested to the point I want to scream at the couple and tell them to get their heads out of their asses!
Okay, I'm calm now... I just wanted you to know this story has been such an emotional roller coaster. You've woven such an intricate turn of events, and amazing chemistry between characters, that I am truly in awe.
Anyway... Thank you! And a full review will be done at the end.
Michele
I know it's been quite a while since you finished this story, and I have full intentions of reviewing once I'd finished. Alas, I had to stop and send a pre-review.
This story has had me smiling, cringing, nearly in tears, and a few giggles along the way. The relationship you've developed between Jasper and Bella is an emotional maelstrom of awesomeness. And it is breaking my heart! *grins* I rarely get emotionally invested to the point I want to scream at the couple and tell them to get their heads out of their asses!
Okay, I'm calm now... I just wanted you to know this story has been such an emotional roller coaster. You've woven such an intricate turn of events, and amazing chemistry between characters, that I am truly in awe.
Anyway... Thank you! And a full review will be done at the end.
Michele
10/11/2014 c24 
6lookimacloud
I didn't like that Alice and Edward HELPED get the two together. Alice I guess I might be able to see, but Edward? In any case, the ending was only so so for me. It's like you flipped the switch and instead of having B be completely wishy washy and miserable, J got that displeasure. I think that was a bit OOC for him as well. Yes, the explanations for it were perfectly explained, however, he just gave up. Jasper never gives up on anything. I've never been a fan of the whole school dance scenes, so that could be affecting me mood a bit, but all in all, I liked your story. I thought the beginning was amazing, the actual love story was okay, the ending just kind of trudged along, bit the over all feeling of the story is pleasant. Thank you very much for the enjoyable read. I hope that my comments have not offended you overly much. I tried to give you my honest opinions of the story's progress throughout, and I hope that even if you don't agree, you at least find them somewhat helpful. Much love. -Cloud
6lookimacloudI didn't like that Alice and Edward HELPED get the two together. Alice I guess I might be able to see, but Edward? In any case, the ending was only so so for me. It's like you flipped the switch and instead of having B be completely wishy washy and miserable, J got that displeasure. I think that was a bit OOC for him as well. Yes, the explanations for it were perfectly explained, however, he just gave up. Jasper never gives up on anything. I've never been a fan of the whole school dance scenes, so that could be affecting me mood a bit, but all in all, I liked your story. I thought the beginning was amazing, the actual love story was okay, the ending just kind of trudged along, bit the over all feeling of the story is pleasant. Thank you very much for the enjoyable read. I hope that my comments have not offended you overly much. I tried to give you my honest opinions of the story's progress throughout, and I hope that even if you don't agree, you at least find them somewhat helpful. Much love. -Cloud
10/11/2014 c23 lookimacloud
So much for being independent Bella. ;) But yeah, I get it. As much as I'd like for her to be, I'd like for her to be with Jasper too. I guess she can't have both.
So much for being independent Bella. ;) But yeah, I get it. As much as I'd like for her to be, I'd like for her to be with Jasper too. I guess she can't have both.
10/11/2014 c22 lookimacloud
It was good of you to have Alice and Edward both be the ones to let Jasper and Bella go, though it's still a bit OOC of Edward. I do understand though that the story is coming to a close and that the time frame needed to bring Edward to that conclusion realistically, just wasn't possible without a rewrite. I think at this point, that the story is very heavy handed. Perhaps in the editing process, you will be able to bring some lighthearted moments to it that don't make the chapters seem so daunting to read at times. Even your loving moments have a bitter tinge of drama to them. I for one love drama and angst, but there does need to be balance. Your story as a whole could benefit for making the highs high, and the lows low. In doing this, you can create a remembrance in the reader of what made these characters truly happy without having to state it several times. Right now, other than going by B's word, I really can't tell the difference in her love between J and E.
It was good of you to have Alice and Edward both be the ones to let Jasper and Bella go, though it's still a bit OOC of Edward. I do understand though that the story is coming to a close and that the time frame needed to bring Edward to that conclusion realistically, just wasn't possible without a rewrite. I think at this point, that the story is very heavy handed. Perhaps in the editing process, you will be able to bring some lighthearted moments to it that don't make the chapters seem so daunting to read at times. Even your loving moments have a bitter tinge of drama to them. I for one love drama and angst, but there does need to be balance. Your story as a whole could benefit for making the highs high, and the lows low. In doing this, you can create a remembrance in the reader of what made these characters truly happy without having to state it several times. Right now, other than going by B's word, I really can't tell the difference in her love between J and E.
10/11/2014 c21 lookimacloud
Bravo Bella. I am proud of her and happy that you allowed her that. Not many writers do. As for the battle, I was actually okay that it was an E/J battle. I also thought you did a good job describing it. It wasn't very descriptive, but you allowed each vamp, and even some wolves, to have their moment. I thought the dance was beautiful. I am particularly happy with the end result. I like that Sam died, even though it was a sadish moment. I like that 'someone' died. It would have been very unrealistic had they all walked away willy nilly. And to have Emmett of all vamps to get his arm torn off. That was the best bit of dark humor you added to this so far. He will never live it down. For this chapter, you did a good job.
Bravo Bella. I am proud of her and happy that you allowed her that. Not many writers do. As for the battle, I was actually okay that it was an E/J battle. I also thought you did a good job describing it. It wasn't very descriptive, but you allowed each vamp, and even some wolves, to have their moment. I thought the dance was beautiful. I am particularly happy with the end result. I like that Sam died, even though it was a sadish moment. I like that 'someone' died. It would have been very unrealistic had they all walked away willy nilly. And to have Emmett of all vamps to get his arm torn off. That was the best bit of dark humor you added to this so far. He will never live it down. For this chapter, you did a good job.
10/11/2014 c20 lookimacloud
Ah! That was a twist. I'm glad that E has been distant as a character. This was necessary to give B time to think. You maneuvered well into the final battle details. La Push and Charlie were the key ingredients. I wish more characters had bigger parts in the story, but I understand the difficulty of executing that successfully. Your writing has definitely changed since the start of the story. Your timing is different, and the scenes are written differently. I like the change, but somehow I feel that each individual scene is not fully developed. Perhaps this is because you add so many into each chapter. This is an overall analysis of the story, not an individual chapter one, but I still felt it needed to be said.
Ah! That was a twist. I'm glad that E has been distant as a character. This was necessary to give B time to think. You maneuvered well into the final battle details. La Push and Charlie were the key ingredients. I wish more characters had bigger parts in the story, but I understand the difficulty of executing that successfully. Your writing has definitely changed since the start of the story. Your timing is different, and the scenes are written differently. I like the change, but somehow I feel that each individual scene is not fully developed. Perhaps this is because you add so many into each chapter. This is an overall analysis of the story, not an individual chapter one, but I still felt it needed to be said.
10/11/2014 c18 lookimacloud
Wonderful chapter. I love that Bella finally got a backbone. Carlisle being more involved in the story makes my heart smile. I also think it is extremely funny that you never, ever, mention Rosalie in this story. One would think you just don't like her. She definitely would have a lot of opinions on this matter for sure. She would definitely be the only one to Bella bash if you did add her. I think Bella could use some bashing. But as I said, I am so very happy that she is finally not a crying, simpering, child anymore. Well, at least for the moment. I fear Rosalie might bring on the return of that behavior. And I think you got Charlie's personality spot on, though I wish he had been less polite about Edward, as he was in the original series.
Wonderful chapter. I love that Bella finally got a backbone. Carlisle being more involved in the story makes my heart smile. I also think it is extremely funny that you never, ever, mention Rosalie in this story. One would think you just don't like her. She definitely would have a lot of opinions on this matter for sure. She would definitely be the only one to Bella bash if you did add her. I think Bella could use some bashing. But as I said, I am so very happy that she is finally not a crying, simpering, child anymore. Well, at least for the moment. I fear Rosalie might bring on the return of that behavior. And I think you got Charlie's personality spot on, though I wish he had been less polite about Edward, as he was in the original series.
10/8/2014 c17 lookimacloud
I loved Alice's POV in this chapter. I didn't really feel it necessary, but it was nevertheless very well placed and written. You told the reader more in the one little tidbit than you did the entire rest of the chapter. I liked that J was reading, and that he spoke with C, even as I was kind of bored with that retelling... but A's bit was a breath of fresh air to liven the chapter.
I loved Alice's POV in this chapter. I didn't really feel it necessary, but it was nevertheless very well placed and written. You told the reader more in the one little tidbit than you did the entire rest of the chapter. I liked that J was reading, and that he spoke with C, even as I was kind of bored with that retelling... but A's bit was a breath of fresh air to liven the chapter.
10/8/2014 c16 lookimacloud
I always seem to have to backtrack the chapter button. You don't cliff hanger your chapters, but for some reason I must keep reading to find out what happens next. As for this chapter review, I like that your Bella isn't as forgiving as the original one. I like that she still feels the pain Edward gave her. I am getting a bit tired of her melodrama, but that is the character and you have it spot on, so really I can't complain outside of my own distaste for Meyer's Bella character. I honestly itch for the drama between the couples and part of me even wants to go so far as to have Bella date both J and E at the same time. At this point, an open relationship with both vamps doesn't seem unwarranted. For all that Bella tries to take the back seat in everything, the vamps are certainly trying to force her decision in this story. I feel like if Jasper was just a stronger character, telling Bella what she wants, like Edward, then she wouldn't have such a pissy fit over what her decisions. If J opened his mouth and was more direct instead of wishy washy, B would decide who she loves sooner and stop whining and crying. At least J doesn't whine and cry.
I always seem to have to backtrack the chapter button. You don't cliff hanger your chapters, but for some reason I must keep reading to find out what happens next. As for this chapter review, I like that your Bella isn't as forgiving as the original one. I like that she still feels the pain Edward gave her. I am getting a bit tired of her melodrama, but that is the character and you have it spot on, so really I can't complain outside of my own distaste for Meyer's Bella character. I honestly itch for the drama between the couples and part of me even wants to go so far as to have Bella date both J and E at the same time. At this point, an open relationship with both vamps doesn't seem unwarranted. For all that Bella tries to take the back seat in everything, the vamps are certainly trying to force her decision in this story. I feel like if Jasper was just a stronger character, telling Bella what she wants, like Edward, then she wouldn't have such a pissy fit over what her decisions. If J opened his mouth and was more direct instead of wishy washy, B would decide who she loves sooner and stop whining and crying. At least J doesn't whine and cry.
10/8/2014 c15 lookimacloud
This makes me happy. I am just a sucker for angst, but honestly I am very glad with Jasper and Bella's decision because any other decision would seem out of character for them. Now that they have established that they love each other and Edward and Alice, they can slowly convince everyone that they really are meant only for each other. I do love the easy way they both feel love for their old mates. It's right to have that linger between them. I still don't really feel like the JB love was developed correctly, because it truly does feel off, but there isn't anything that can be done at this point but try to convince your reader that J and B feel empty without each other.
This makes me happy. I am just a sucker for angst, but honestly I am very glad with Jasper and Bella's decision because any other decision would seem out of character for them. Now that they have established that they love each other and Edward and Alice, they can slowly convince everyone that they really are meant only for each other. I do love the easy way they both feel love for their old mates. It's right to have that linger between them. I still don't really feel like the JB love was developed correctly, because it truly does feel off, but there isn't anything that can be done at this point but try to convince your reader that J and B feel empty without each other.
10/8/2014 c13 lookimacloud
I love Alice and Edward in this chapter. Both of their personalities are spot on. Unfortunately, Alice tarnished my view of Jasper just a bit. Jasper's explanation for loving Bella is that she was a new experience. Now I understand spending a hundred years, thereabouts, with the same person could get redundant... But still, what a bad excuse. I sympathized with Alice and cursed Jasper. At no time has Bella even shown the deeper affection for him that she had shown for Edward, or the caring that Alice had shown for Jasper. Jasper seems like someone trying to convince himself that Bella is who he wants, just by repeating it. He feels Alice's pain, but doesn't seem to have a lot of pain for her for all the love he claims to feel for her still. As for Edward, YOU GO JASPER! And now the real fun starts. Bella seems flighty in this story. I thought it from the beginning, her need for a connection to Edward. I feel like Jasper has only been a substitute no matter how she claims to feel for him. This I feel is very in character for her. Bravo on that. I can't wait to read what happens next. I'm getting happy for this story again.
PS TO CHAPTER 12: Jacob would never, NEVER in one million years, give up on Bella. It’s a biological wolf thing. It is much like Sam and Leah. Jacob is fundamentally attracted to Bella and wants her for himself because she later is the mom to his mate Renesme. It would be OOC for him to just say, ‘as long as you’re happy Bella’. At no point does he ever feel that way. This is one of the main reasons people hate his guts.
I love Alice and Edward in this chapter. Both of their personalities are spot on. Unfortunately, Alice tarnished my view of Jasper just a bit. Jasper's explanation for loving Bella is that she was a new experience. Now I understand spending a hundred years, thereabouts, with the same person could get redundant... But still, what a bad excuse. I sympathized with Alice and cursed Jasper. At no time has Bella even shown the deeper affection for him that she had shown for Edward, or the caring that Alice had shown for Jasper. Jasper seems like someone trying to convince himself that Bella is who he wants, just by repeating it. He feels Alice's pain, but doesn't seem to have a lot of pain for her for all the love he claims to feel for her still. As for Edward, YOU GO JASPER! And now the real fun starts. Bella seems flighty in this story. I thought it from the beginning, her need for a connection to Edward. I feel like Jasper has only been a substitute no matter how she claims to feel for him. This I feel is very in character for her. Bravo on that. I can't wait to read what happens next. I'm getting happy for this story again.
PS TO CHAPTER 12: Jacob would never, NEVER in one million years, give up on Bella. It’s a biological wolf thing. It is much like Sam and Leah. Jacob is fundamentally attracted to Bella and wants her for himself because she later is the mom to his mate Renesme. It would be OOC for him to just say, ‘as long as you’re happy Bella’. At no point does he ever feel that way. This is one of the main reasons people hate his guts.
10/8/2014 c12 lookimacloud
This makes my heart smile. I am so very glad that things are picking up. Now that Edward's back though, you will need to work on Jasper's personality. You only just started bringing out his southern accent, but he acts almost like Edward. You can explain away that it is a vampire thing, but with Jasper and Edward together again, you will need distinct personality differences...especially in the way they treat Bella. As for this chapter, I was 'eh' on the beginning, but then I think you hit your stride and I started enjoying it again. The main issue I am having with the over all storyline is that it just sits there and is pleasant to look at. I don't feel like I am as invested in it as I was in the beginning. It could be because I am reading the chapters without breaks, or that I am fatigued, but I do believe it is just starting to bore me a bit. The writing style is still wonderful, but I feel like it is missing something. Every time you add a small bit of something, like the attack, or the kiss, or Charlie's reaction, I just get my hopes up thinking that this is the turn around. Sadly, it hasn't happened yet. Maybe now that there are more characters for you to play around with we will reach the pure excitement that I started out with while reading this story... but I'd hate to get my hopes up. I honestly am scared that you will jump to Alice's or Edward's view at some point and that I feel would be as completely unnecessary to the story at Jacob's. But as I said, aside from all that, this chapter was a great one and I felt the emotion from both Bella and Jasper in their fears for returning love. I still have a hard time believing Jasper's turning from Alice...since you know they are married... but Bella I believe. I feel like it's going to be a pending shit storm and I can't wait to read it.
This makes my heart smile. I am so very glad that things are picking up. Now that Edward's back though, you will need to work on Jasper's personality. You only just started bringing out his southern accent, but he acts almost like Edward. You can explain away that it is a vampire thing, but with Jasper and Edward together again, you will need distinct personality differences...especially in the way they treat Bella. As for this chapter, I was 'eh' on the beginning, but then I think you hit your stride and I started enjoying it again. The main issue I am having with the over all storyline is that it just sits there and is pleasant to look at. I don't feel like I am as invested in it as I was in the beginning. It could be because I am reading the chapters without breaks, or that I am fatigued, but I do believe it is just starting to bore me a bit. The writing style is still wonderful, but I feel like it is missing something. Every time you add a small bit of something, like the attack, or the kiss, or Charlie's reaction, I just get my hopes up thinking that this is the turn around. Sadly, it hasn't happened yet. Maybe now that there are more characters for you to play around with we will reach the pure excitement that I started out with while reading this story... but I'd hate to get my hopes up. I honestly am scared that you will jump to Alice's or Edward's view at some point and that I feel would be as completely unnecessary to the story at Jacob's. But as I said, aside from all that, this chapter was a great one and I felt the emotion from both Bella and Jasper in their fears for returning love. I still have a hard time believing Jasper's turning from Alice...since you know they are married... but Bella I believe. I feel like it's going to be a pending shit storm and I can't wait to read it.