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for A Mission of Importance

11/23/2014 c4 tin-a-holic
I realize its been awhile but this story was getting cute! Totally curious about all the secrecy with the mission. Thanks for posting and keep being creative!
3/10/2013 c4 2scifigrl10
Man I really wish you hadn't abandoned this story!
3/20/2011 c4 Dreamingdreams
Hope that you do come back soon, with more of the story. I think there are alot of us waiting to see what will happens next. I think it is an amazing story so far. So I really do hope you will finish it when you have the time. Because this story is just so good!

3/20/2011 c3 Dreamingdreams
*laughing* Cain's reaction to the bike was funny and this line "Fine," He said through his teeth, "But you're going to have a hell of a time explaining to your mother how your bodyguard died."

I think Cain taking off DG's shoes and covering her with the blanket was really sweet of him.

Hmm I wonder what all she said to Az about Jeb being her new bodygaurd and not saying anything. I bet that DG would be grilling her if she was there. And the letters from her parents are so formal and no info really. NOT fair :)

:) I like Cain's asking DG how she knew his sizes was another one I loved! Dressing the Tin Man always fun! Wow can we say jealousy... nope not a jealous child DG a jealous women.

*laughing really hard* Sure Cain think it's because you need a shower.

Ok I loved this chapter all the way around. :)It was just great!
3/20/2011 c2 Dreamingdreams
Hmmm I wonder why they didn't want to tell DG and Cain that they were going to the otherside. And why it is so slip up on the info that they are getting. So many questions I hope that will eventually be answered.

*laughing* That is one way to wake Cain up. His reaction to that whole things is just so perfect. :) I also like his reaction to the travel storm too.
3/20/2011 c1 Dreamingdreams
Yea yea stealing Cains hat sounds like so much fun. :) I love how DG gets him to let go of her. That was so priceless.

I like the story so far the interaction between Cain and DG is really good. And also with Az I would hate too see what Az would come up with for Cain to use as punishment for DG stealing his hat again.

I love the story must read more, on to the next chapter!
12/26/2009 c4 DaughterofPoseidon25
12/5/2009 c4 18tripwatcher2
I am really enjoying this story and hope that you find the time and inspiration to continue with it! Cain on the Otherside is a wonderful concept!
4/3/2009 c3 AAAJess
Loved it :) can't wait for more so keep it coming.
4/3/2009 c3 Kaybird89
Good chapter, look forward to update.
4/2/2009 c3 31KLCtheBookWorm
I know you are going to think I am just bashing on your story, but the DG and Cain stuff is GOOD. The part on the motorbike, shopping, and DG's reaction to other girls' reactions, all great.

So what the hell is going on with the rest?

Messenger is from the O.Z. Kansas is now witnessing back to back tornadoes because Lavender can't spell out what the hell she wants in a briefing in chapter two or in a letter in chapter three.

Characters are not behaving rationally, which leads me to think that you haven't bothered to really set up in your own head what the hell Cain and DG are doing on the Other Side. You have all these nifty scenes of interactions between them and Other Side people and stuff, and as soon as they finish the "mission" story is over. Therefore, Lavender can't give them their bloody mission.

Your summation and the set up in chapter two leads me to believe that the mission is the main plot and Cain/DG romance is a subplot. Your pacing is not supporting this assumption. Your characters are acting strange (she's the ruler of a country; she's used to giving orders! Even if she got sappy about it; she just got DG back, she can have an emotional breakdown) to slow down the plot with a nonexistent conflict. This is not how plotting works. I hate to advertise like this, but my profile has a link to my website, the BookWorm's Library. There are writing tutorials in the nonfiction section and seven of them deal with plot. I think they will help.

The messenger is on horseback! Horse and tornado. Animals are not as stupid as people when it comes to violent weather. Yeah, they are magic travel storms, but unless you have set up the fact that this horse goes through travel storms I don't buy it. There are outs. Ajax in FeistyFox's "A Path Less Chosen" was set up as smarter than the average horse-and that took chapters. It could be a tictock horse. But why do you even have a bloody horse for the bloody messenger! Ahamo slipped over in the 60s or 70s according to all fandom math, and he could explain that horses are no longer a primary means of transportation. But the biggest point is that the messenger-and therefore his horse-is totally unnecessary if Lavender wasn't being stupid!

Talk about beating a dead horse. But the other part, the Cain and DG part is so good and fitting together right, there is no reason for the other part cannot. You can do it.
4/2/2009 c3 1Ravenclaw Samurai
Hehe. I would stare at Cain too. . . *drools*. More please! XD
4/2/2009 c3 Lisa
Another great chapter :)
4/2/2009 c3 11captain ty
I love the fact DG is jealous. Too funny.
4/2/2009 c3 leat79
Nice, nice... looking forward to who (or what) the message will reach...

Keep up the fun!
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