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for In Which Hermione Granger Becomes Lethal

4/30/2009 c3 12Amanda Halliwell
I enjoyed this. I'll leave you with a few tips to work on:

First: POV. When you write from third restricted, pick a character and stick with them. Its hard to follow other characters when you keep jumping from one person to the next without discernible page breaks. yes, i can tell you have, because you jumped from minervra's head to severus in the what seemed like the blink of an eye. be careful. these include thoughts, and emotions, too. severus won't feel what minervra is feeling; he can only begin to contemplate that idea.

Second: Repetition. Mostly of words like girl and plot, you'll need to find other words, perhaps try and find something else in their place? The thesaurus is a helpful tool.

That's mostly what I saw, so keep up the good work, and I can't wait to see the next chapter!
4/29/2009 c3 LK-HoGwArTs-hEaDgIrL
Loved It. Amazing. Really Good. Great. Wow.
4/29/2009 c3 11pstibbons
Lucius, a spy? Hopefully that won't stop Hermione from Imperiusing him to cut his stomach open, have him pull his own intestines out, roast them himself, and then eat them...
4/29/2009 c3 1Amanda-Rae 1019
i love that lucius is scared of hermione! post more, mucho gracias
4/12/2009 c2 LK-HoGwArTs-hEaDgIrL
Amazing! Loved It! Great!
4/12/2009 c2 11pstibbons
He doesnt consider the possibility that Hermione is lying about being related to Sirius?

Nice chapter, ta for the update.

So how's Sev going to toe the line between being Lucius' friend and helping someone kill Lucius?
4/12/2009 c2 22diamond-helen
Nice chapter. Snape and Hermione plotting together, if i were Bellatrix or Lucius id be running screaming lol.
4/1/2009 c1 11pstibbons
An excellent premise. Two smart minds who consider ethics as guidelines more than rules... :)
3/31/2009 c1 LK-HoGwArTs-hEaDgIrL
Amazing! LOve it! It's great!
3/31/2009 c1 xineweber
I've always wanted to read a story of Snape being a mentor to Hermione :) Thank you for making it possible. Amazing!
3/31/2009 c1 5LosingTrack
Sounds interesting! Update soon!
3/31/2009 c1 Mema4
Severus called Minerva a miserable old cat and lived to tell about it? Minerva's slipping. Good start to the story, will be interesting to see where you go with it.
3/31/2009 c1 22diamond-helen
Nice start. cant wait to see where you take this!
3/31/2009 c1 4fred2008
you seem to have got my attention, so heres your reveiw. it could be made better, but no one is perfect, in all a good beginning. keep up the work.
3/31/2009 c1 ChevalierDeDame
Interesting! I like it so far! Update soon!
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