5/18/2015 c30 1DyrtyLyttleSecret
Great story! It was such a nice reading. It surprised me that we saw Darco fall for Hermione. I felt that I saw that it was mostly from his point of view. I saw his feelings and it was a great difference and it was enjoyable. Though while I was reading about Lucius and how he returned and the plans he had, I believed he was back to do what he said he would do, but it was a surprise to see how you changed that for the better. Thanks for sharing it with us! I have clicked follow author to see what else you write in the future.

10/25/2009 c2 2diagonally
fave parts: As she had looked at him, she had seen his expression

change in response to her unasked question. She could have sworn that he was thinking, 'I don't know. I really don't know.' Something else had changed for her right then



You know, there were many more, and i wrote this nice long review, then i submitted it, but for some reason i'd been logged out in the duration!

so i'll tell you the parts i liked: Hermione petitioning for Draco to be allowed to study.

Draco's gradual fall into lucid thought, where he realises the fallacies of his previous POV

the part where he tells the wizengamot that he knows his upbringing but he doesnt know why he was taught htose things

when harry, ron and hermione, obviously very uncomfortably provide half truths to help Draco. You can almost see the convincing lectures hermione would have sent Ron's way to get him to agree to go there!

I must say you have taken on a very intimidating task... to show Draco's reform from cannon, in real-time. Most authors just skim by this part, as it is difficult to write. You are doing it well. Can't wait to read on!

9/29/2009 c17 10loveofwrittenword
I would have to competely agree with Hermione that some things are better done the muggle way. I guess Umbridge got a little of what she deserved (of course that toad of a harpy deserves a lot more retibution for the horrid crimes she has committed, if only Albus had left her with the Centaurs ;D). Pansy is also one of those people who feel they have the right to be superior, even though they are definitely not. I guess carma will catch up with them in the end.

Of course, the Draco and Hermione moments are my favotire. They really are too cute and the way Draco described Hermione's beauty (that it could revel his mothers') was so beautiful and sweet. I can only hope they will make it.

As to what Lucius is up to is beyond me. I guess I will have to continue on to read (oh it is such torture to read this fantastic story...lol) to find out what is going to happen.

9/19/2009 c28 Blond Gamer Girl
Excellent descriptions and action. Wonderful climatic end.

I know you have an epilogue with years in the future. However, you may want to have a recovery chapter of hours to days after they apparate to Malfoy Manor. Several reactions could be covered: Lucius, Narcissa, Draco, Hermione, Harry, Ginny and maybe stall Molly's reaction for that. Turning point moments: Lucius' reaction to seeing HG's loyalty to DM; Another scene I would LOVE to see; After a nights sleep and a good conversation with Ginny over what happened - Harry visiting Draco, his childhood enemy, who endured the cruciatus curse all to save the love of his life, Ginny. That scene would be EPIC.

BRILLIANT STORY - I absolutely loved this. Added to my faves.

I'll look at any revisions you want to throw at me.

9/19/2009 c26 Blond Gamer Girl
FABU - Umbridge was well played in getting the hairs and their kidnappings.

Great capture. Disturbing but not wholly graphic. Great pacing on the action.

9/19/2009 c24 Blond Gamer Girl
Loved bringing in Teddy and their day in Hogsmeade. Adds some fun and DM accepting his cousin. Way cute descriptions of Teddy's playing and all.

Just a personal wish, while Draco holding back his temper is understandable, it would be a personal treat to hear his inner monologue. He is a word-smith of smarmy. Could add humor as well.

9/19/2009 c22 Blond Gamer Girl
I'm BACK!

Since you asked for some ideas and have been most gracious about the feedback, I'm going revisit some thoughts that I don't think I put earlier or maybe I did and forgot.

Expansion ideas:

Draco's ambition - At the office, you can have him go above and beyond the call of duty and force himself to be second in charge because let's face it Malfoys/Slytherin like power. Nothing evil...

Jack Ryan - Use him more as a catalyst as to why Draco looks into these laws. The line where Draco thinks this kid could be a Slytherin, expand on that. Children break through many barriers. Expand to where Draco and the kid hit it off like brothers. The kid could be so in awe of DM that it strokes DM's ego. You can even help Lucius' transformation because Draco learns about the laws and invites Jack to Malfoy Manor. The wand cane thrills Jack and Lucius loves to be revered.

More DM ambition: Once his father returns, Draco has wanted his father's love SO MUCH and he wants to be in the family biz, again ambition, that he spends the day with Lucius making him late to a date with HG. Could be a first fight.

DM/HG - Give them a fight...weird but you can show that they see some of each other's imperfections and get passed them to show that it is more than a crush...Off with the rose colored glasses so to speak and for some hot make-up sex...ha ha.

On to this chapter...

Fab first chapter illustrating that yes Lucius has been through a lot and has learned. Showing his throughts on Rodolphus and Rabastan is great bc it shows his cunning. Love how Narcissa plays Lucius.

Expansion idea - more on the mechanizations, bringing Draco in on the plan more..of course Hermione would follow. HG would see that deviousness on the side of light is a good thing and Lucius could see her helping Draco allowing him to reluctantly admire her.

Section 2

Hermione's thoughts are so sweet. My fave line: "Lucius remembered what it was like to be Draco’s age and in love. He knew what his son wasn’t saying was that he enjoyed shagging his girlfriend senseless on every surface of the house." Like father like son.

You mentioned HG being to quick to accept Lucius, maybe their talk begins with a battle of words where they lay into each other with words. After they're exhausted, go into the rational discussion which I love the reasoning of.

COMPLETELY BRILLIANT - About why pure-bloods are prejudiced. Not even JKR gave much credence to it. Prejudice is usually born for a reason.

ASTOUNDING - This paragraph that begins "I was merely giving you a history Ms. Granger." The wined and dined before Voldy revealing his true self is spot on. JKR hinted at it. That is classic cult dynamics. Cult leaders lure then turn. They never start with join me and because I will torture you if I'm slighted and give you the blue Kool-Aid. I myself used that cult psychology and had so many readers say but Voldy isn't nice. Sorry to rant...

Lovely scene between mother and son in the end.

9/18/2009 c20 Blond Gamer Girl
Fantastic interaction between Draco and Harry - Warm, sincere and well thought out with a little smarmy from the old Draco which is perfect. He needs to stay a tad dark and edgy. Careful not to make him too nice.

To add a show of force, Hermione kissing Draco before leaving with Narcissa would be very determined on their part and funny to see Lucius' reaction - just a thought.

Favorite quote: "And through it all, you did it out of loyalty to me, the very person who should have been protecting you from every bad thing in this intimidating world." This is truly IC for Lucius who ran into the battle to find his son. After nearly losing him and making a teenage BOY go through all that Draco did, had to have affected Lucius and make him reconsider things. Also, we he states that it took a month for him to decide was excellent bc it wasn't an easy decision. The entire conversation between Lucius and Draco was superb along with Lucius admitting that he wasn't the most affectionate of fathers.