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for Behind Cloaked Freedom

11/20/2010 c2 5Prince Hydron is a Twink
is this done?it would make a good story i think
10/26/2010 c2 Mystical
Elvis-Stitch, I'm glad that you updated. Please update soon, I really like this story so far. What's going to happen next between Mewtwo and Linda, hmm?
10/26/2010 c1 7deactivatedaccount0987656789
Hey! This is a review for chapter 2 - I likey. Needs a bit more description, I think, and maybe shorter paragraphs? There's a lot that can be added and expanded upon here. You have a great base, you just need to let it flow.

Keep it up. I'm so glad you updated!
10/26/2010 c2 4White Jem
Hey! I really liked this chapter! The length was just right for me. I hope you update soon! I look forward to more development of their relationship!

Ja ne!

~White Jem~
9/22/2010 c1 Mystical
OMG this is such a good fanfic! PLEASE UPDATE! I've been waiting for so long...
7/1/2010 c1 5Prince Hydron is a Twink
3/29/2010 c1 4White Jem
Hey! I like your story so far, and I hope you update soon!

Ja mata ne!

~White Jem~
2/1/2010 c1 Aniii
very good! please follow =P
12/5/2009 c1 spirit
please update! so glad to see good story with mewtwo/oc
9/27/2009 c1 3Drag0n-Mistr3ss

Dear, you've absolutely blown me away with this fic! :D :D :D :D LOVING IT TO BITS SO FAR! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE CONTINUE WRITING IT!

Your writing style is stunning! And you have totally captured Mewtwo's true personality! Fantastic work! :D And Linda sure sounds like a cool character! ^^ Good job, and I thoroughly look forward to chapter two. ;D

9/7/2009 c1 goka
9/1/2009 c1 2LyriumHawke
Very good. I have never before seen a fanfic that has kept Mewtwo in almost perfect character. The dialogue he uses is wonderfully plausible for him and quite intelligent. I can really see him saying those things.

Other than a few minor spelling errors, I don't see much that needs improving. This story has a seemingly unique plot so far, one I cannot wait to unravel further. I eagerly await your next chapter.


- Glass -*-*-@
7/29/2009 c1 39Love Psycho
Well written...it makes me interested in the next chapter. Cupcakes for you!
7/28/2009 c1 39er9er102
Awsome, whens the next chapter commin out?
5/3/2009 c1 8WiseAbsol
Hey there, Elvis-Stitch. Not sure if I know you - your penname seems to ring a bell, but I can't seem to find you in any of my message and status notes, so perhaps not. Excuse this gal for having a poor memory.

Anyhow, I have to admit, I'm incredibly pleased with the story thus far. It's been quite some time since I stumbled upon a new story for Mewtwo that I actually like and one that the author seems serious about. Most of the time the new works seem half-assed, but no, not this one. Mind, there are a few grammar/spelling errors, which I will point out, but nothing that really detracts from the chapter itself. I'll get to those in due time.

First off, we have a re-itineration of the Amber/Mewtwo scenes. Not bad. That’s always a nice way to enter a story, though I have request that encompasses the rest of this too: be a little more descriptive with settings and characters. For one thing, I am not certain what Linda, the romantic interest, looks like. Is she short, tall, blonde, dark-haired, pale, bronze, black, etc? Does she have grey eyes, blue, green, brown, hazel? How old is she? (I’m assuming early twenties, given she can take a night shift and marry.) My only disappointment here is not having a clear view of what's going on or who is in the scene. It's fine to not go into great detail with irrelevancies, such as Big J or an undercover cop, however...for main character, paint a picture. That's my suggestion.

As for the rest...I very much enjoy that you are keeping with Mewtwo's general personality and dogmatic viewpoints intact. Too often I see him portrayed as something similar to a teenager, which is a mistake, since he is a fully mature being. The wandering and observing aspects you portray here are completely in character, and his speech patterns, with the lack of contractions, prove accurate. As said, this pleases me. Though, this brings up one error I noted: the word you were meaning to write is "roam" not "rome." Another few errors were from your misuse of contractions, namely:

(I just do, human. I observe you and your kind. You’re species is despicable. You’re nature is based on that of hatred. I observe with a false sense of hope to find the rare individuals of your species. The one’s who do not only care about themselves.)

‘You're’ = ‘you are,’ while ‘your’ is possessive.

The "one's" I'm not so sure about, but using a grammar checker would probably eliminate the worst of these issues. I'm assuming you did look through this before posting, since it's not riddled with errors, and I can’t say I expect you to catch all of the mistakes - I certainly don't in my own writing! Still, look it over a couple more times, if only in the Document Edit option on this site, since FF(dot)net likes to mess up the spacing in a document. One more bit of constructive criticism…well, I suppose some parts of the dialogue did not seem to correlate. I understood your meaning, of course, but it was as if you were using a word which - while it worked - has connotations that go against what you're actually trying to say. I don't know – this is probably the least of your concerns, really, as you did make sense in what you wrote.

Let’s see…can I find an example…?

Oh, here:

“Were humans the reason for this Pokémon’s strong resentment towards her kind?”

This works…but I guess the question that it raises is what else would make Mewtwo resent them, if not the race itself? Perhaps a better way to put this may have been, “What had humans done to him to make him resent their kind so much?” It has the same general meaning, but one is merely a bit clearer than the other. As well, avoid fragments - combine them with another sentence or eliminate them. Sometimes they have their purpose, but in general, they are to be avoided. Make everything flow smoothly together if you can. And on that note, stick to one tense, preferably past since that is what you have been telling the story in thus far. Switching between present and past is never good – use a passive voice if you must (personally, I see no reason why you can’t in fiction).

Anyhow, I am sorry if I've rambled. I am trying to offer your helpful hints, but I always fear that when I do this it may come off as a flame. I don't mean it like that, really I don't – in general, the story had few errors, and I am merely picking at tiny bits and pieces. As I stated before, I quite enjoyed reading this, and am hoping for an update in the near future!

You have a good day, okay?


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