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6/21/2014 c5 ChaddyManPrime
Could use a sequel where Shinji isn't a complete douchebag.
6/21/2014 c3 ChaddyManPrime
You know I've read this story before and never before have I ever wanted someone to take Shinji out back and beat the living shit out of him.
7/20/2012 c5 papagolfwhiskey
At this point the only critique I would offer is that if you want the ending to be ambiguous you should just let it be so. If you feel the need to explain what your ending meant then there was something lacking in the ending. In this case it wouldn't take much sense it ends on a scene familier to most fans a few details more definitively linking to that scene an extra line of dialogue that the diehard fan might remember and you're set.

(BTW you're the first fan author I've favourited. others might provide longer rides or more interesting ideas. but yours are the most brutally viscerally real stories I've read on this forum. You're a better author than you give yourself credit for, and you don't pull your punches.)
7/23/2011 c3 2Blood Maelstrom
Terrible, absolutely terrible.

In fact, it's not exactly terrible, but the godly amount of OOC characters, actions, and scenarios make me want to puke.

The positive scenes that depict a loving romance between shinji and asuka are literally the only thing right in this story; and quite simply was the only reason I kept reading this story.

But as I kept reading, I began to realize that I was straining more and more to read on, this story is absolutely the most OOC I have yet to read in Evangelion. I mean good lord..your mind was in another world and dimension in terms of the inspiration that struck you that lead you to create this story.

I refuse to call this an Evangelion Fanfic.

On one side, you have two traits that I appreciate.

1. Your grammer and the way you lead the story in terms of its events are perfect; allowing an easy to read and easy to visualize story

2. The times when Asuka and Shinji act normal, understanding, and caring (although EXTREMELY RARE) let me continue this story.

But you know what you seriously don't know what your doing. It's not even worth it.

I mean either you need to read more stories to know just how alien your story feels compared to normal non-OOC stories, or I need to just leave you alone because you made this story without giving a crap about how you write the characters attitude and personality, which makes it absolutely worthless to read this story.

Honestly I'm sorry, I am a very moral person in terms of respecting each author for THEIR work and THEIR ideas.

But holy crap..In MY opinion and not anyone else (since everybody thinks differently) Your story is definitely lead by your bias scenarios in the Evangelion world, and not lead by unique story inspiration that many authors are struck with that want them to lead the Evangelion world, feeling, and characters into a thumbsucking awe and pleasure that your writing format can undoubtedly bring if you were to simply write a story that wasn't so OOC-fucked up like this.

If you are looking to implement ideas and scenarios that make readers go "holy crap this is so much awesome drama" or "oh man I need to read more of this" because the characters did something that totally makes them go "wow, this is just like the anime but with an awesome as hell twist!"...

Then you seriously need to re-think this whole damn thing. But hey, this is YOUR work.

So remember that this is MY opinion. And that opinion is, is that I think you had something going, but really you just ended up created a story for yourself and not the readers. (not that it's bad but..there is a borderline I think?...)
6/22/2010 c5 7Henry V
I have read this, and find no words fit to describe this work of pure art. You have taken their characters and modified them to their extremes, yet not losing them entirely. Instead, we are able to enjoy this macabre gem without the clash of out of character moments. Yes, the first chapter definably puts the reader in a mind that expects the next five chapters.

The character Tamara, as you have written, is a wonderful addition to the broken minds that share the world of EVA. I find the underlying meaning of her quite intriguing.

Back to Shinji and Asuka, I marvel, still, at your exquisite perception of the two. There are several fics that do this, but in my mind, this one does it most elegantly. Asuka's conflicting personality is equal to Shinji's self-abuse, continuously tearing them apart as soon as they make some kind of contact.

As to the ending, well. It speaks for itself. You have me in tears, the tragedy of her death and his consecutive suicide... Marvellous. And as an interpretation of his thirty day capture inside the EVA, this exceeds all expectation. Relief, a chance to do it right and the joy of redemption at the end of a gun.

Bravo! And thank you.

Yours sincerely,

Henry V
4/30/2010 c5 cafard
WOW? THIS STORY WAS SOMETHING. I can't believe it. I'm glad it was just a dream. I's not possible to be stupid,pathetic like shinji. I know asuka is a bitch but a wonderful bitch, I would kill to have a girl like her and she is in love with "this". I weally hope you a sequel.
6 chapter are not enough.
1/20/2010 c5 chronox
wow... this is probably the most powerful and well written stories i have read in a very long time on this site and at all. the fighting between all the main characters was well done and fairly well within character. and where asuka dies in the last chapter and how it goes... very very well done good sir (or madam)

and then to end it as nothing but one hard and dark dream... nice twist, very nice
1/20/2010 c3 1Illogically.Inclined
Can't quite decide if I like the rewrites thusfar, though I'm leaning slightly towards liking them.

On the one hand, they manage to bring home the point of how broken our protagonists are as people in much plainer terms than before.

That, and it's nice to see that abandoned alternate ending's hints de-emphasized, as that was a bit too mind-screwy, even for me.

On the other hand, the mood whiplash is just killing me here.

The back and forth between uber-WAFF and borderline suicidal is starting to take its toll; it took me a lot longer to get through these chapters than is my norm.

On the upside of things, the new ending of chapter 3 does manage to make Shinji less like an asshole pursuing Asuka solely for the sake of nookie, whereas the previous version's Shinji being so easily seduced and swayed just made my skin crawl in empathy for the poor, stupid girl.

I look forward to seeing where you take things from here.
1/11/2010 c5 Guest
bueno esta en español esto ajaj, 1. muy bueno tu fic. 2. un pequeno error Yui nunca supo de la muerte y como de Kyoko, por que? el insidente con la unidad 01 fue mucho antes que el de la unidad 02 , pero eso shinji no recuerda nada ya que fue a la edad de 3 años cuando shinji la vio morir, a esa edad se guardan pocos recuerdos y mas si son dolorosos.

1/10/2010 c4 2Loco77
segui la historia
11/18/2009 c6 2Mike Kromer
Man this whole story was a ride, loved it, it all makes perfect sence, too bad this was the end, keep up the good work
11/6/2009 c6 2DeadlyPole
Well well, an interesting story in the end. I had originally suspected that part of this story was a dream Shinji had, however it was actually the entire story, so you got me there.

I was going to mention some things about the characters, but I suppose it doesn't matter anymore, what with everything having been a dream while he was absorbed inside the eva. But I just had to say, come one man as if Shinji would say "Oh Tamara!" :P. Lol at Kensuke's comment about getting wet over the situation. Well when it comes to being out of character if its a dream, strictly speaking, you don't have to justify character changes so I can't really say much, but then you had the entire story as the dream. I sometimes call this a cheap way of making the characters how you like (for example making Shinji and Asuka best friends before the events of evangelion or something like that). But this is slightly different, because this was more explaining what happened to Shinji while he was absorbed. Well anyway I think my rant about staying in character is over now.

Now to a technical sense, actually I was happy to see a vast improvement in description. You still had some spelling mistakes, but even I do in my story(I always find a new one when reading through it again :D). You improved the flow of dialogue and events too, it didn't seem as abrupt and discontinuous as before so that's a high five. Improvement is the first step to getting better right?

This story would be much better if your other chapters were similar to this last one. You could also perhaps hint a little that it was a dream before the ending or give some sort of explanation as to why the events went as they did. For example the reason he got with Asuka is because he loves her in real life, Asuka dying was a symbol that he would lose her if he didn't do something, or something like that. That's just a suggestion though, in the end I did enjoy reading this. So that's all from me.
11/6/2009 c6 1GuardEzio
whoa what a trip, mentioning trips im wondering if you were on onewhen you thought up this last chapter...and yet its a butaful ending to a dark story ^_^ congrats
11/5/2009 c6 1Illogically.Inclined
"No Shinji, you are the EVAs!"

And then, Shinji was a human.

I have to admit, I didn't see that ending coming. I was expecting the "crazy all along" twist ending you described, but you took me by surprise with your subversive ways. Excellent literary trolling.

This chapter could use some editing, but on the whole it was great, and the story as a whole had a wondrously dry, cruel wit to it, a sort of indirect schadenfreude derived from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune striking so true at the characters, of the ironies of fate so utterly devious.

It was a pleasure reading the story, and I hope to read more in the future.
11/5/2009 c6 5Popkov
whoa whoa whoa. back up! He had a dream INSIDE a dream?

that's so screwed up.

Thanks for clearing up about the ending.

But.. uh... why do you need to rewrite the other chapters?

For all its worth it was a good run while it lasted. Thanks.

See you in the next fic!
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