Just In
for Dynasty Hearts

1/25/2015 c1 john
Great first chapter but you had spelt aerith's and Cid's names wrong and is their going to be a barren in this story
5/4/2013 c1 Guest
I'm into the story and I need mord
3/27/2011 c1 ChronoMitsurugi
Pairings Naruto x Yuffie x three more.

That line is as far as I got before I stopped reading...Yes the second line. Just wanted to point that out and say thank you for making it very clear what you intend for the fics pairing. I personally hate harems more than anything else in the entire world, even that bully who pants me in the 11th grade (*grins evily* Me and my buddies {about 50 of us, aka half football team} pushed his car into the school pool for that one. It was such a nice car too, an 07 Corvette convertible, dark blue, with leather seats.) Anyway as I was saying, its nice when authors actually inform readers of what they are about to read. It also helps minimize the number of flames. So once again thank you, and good luck with the fic.
3/5/2011 c1 3Frostyvale
This is just, mediocre,,,

You've made the error of using the Kyuubi to identify Naruto. The lack of punctuation such as commas makes it awkward to read,but the choppy sentence structure ensures that. What do you mean by "red in it"? How is there red mixed in? Is it the predominant color? Is it a tint? I don't know.

And how can Naruto act so casual? At 8000 years he would have to be a bit senile. Can you even comprehend that 8000 years is not a time through which you would simply live? But I don't know his behavioral patterns, you haven't given him any.

Most importantly, you are aware that courting four vastly younger females does qualify one as a pedophile, right?

But the main problem is the presentation of the detail.

See this;

"Naruto its not just Earth and Crystal Tokyo in danger many other worlds are in danger and you are the only one that can help those that are going to try to stop it."

You state the point, but the sentence itself is bland, and a run-on no less. Now if worded differently.

"Naruto, the danger is beyond Earth and Crystal Tokyo. Every world is at risk, and you're the only one that can help fight against it."

This adds a sense of grievousness. That Naruto is the only person that can save the many worlds.

Now this.

"This battle well at time beyond them and at times maybe even you." Said Setsuna adding that last part to get Naruto to say yes as he loves a good fight.

Why would she need to appeal to his violent spirit? Is he aloof and apathetic? You don't portray him as such.

"This battle is already above them, and perhaps even you." She said, subtly nudging his battle-lust.

Do you see the difference?

Do you understand why I consider this mediocre? Because you haven't put any effort toward it. Search for the concept of "Do and Tell" in writing. You lean toward Tell. A blunt statement of facts. Do involves action to explain the story.

Like this.

In the throne room of the Castle we find King Mickey looking at the people that he had gathered here

So he's looking at them, why, for what?

From his throne, the sweating Mickey flicked his eyes through the many faces gathered there. He was still anxious for the arrival of one.

Do you see?

And why does he need polygamy? Does that even serve any purpose to the plot? Or is it for you to channel your perverse spirit? Unless it serves some purpose, do away with it. It's only a distraction to the readers. Don't use it to obscure the plot.
1/5/2011 c1 KYUUBI OF DEATH
tifa aqua dont care about last one
5/7/2010 c1 4UndeadTech-TS
hey there desent KH/Naruto crossover, would like to read more please update soon, peace out friend.
3/25/2010 c1 2Sevvus
11/11/2009 c1 2link the hitman
update soon
11/3/2009 c1 daniel 29
My choices for the final 3 girls would be numbers 1,4, and 9 being konoka herself as the wild card
10/7/2009 c1 17vanished flame
i say tifa kos-mos and rei
6/30/2009 c1 2Burakkuya
i like it. i hope you update soon.
6/10/2009 c1 1happyfan13


wild card
6/10/2009 c1 NoMercyOfDeath
lola ao KOS-Mos is gonna be actually human? lols AWSOME! anyways...3 huh? i know 1 of the 1s id choose is KOS-MOS...shes gonna need a more "human name O.o anyways imma just wing it with the secound 2 and say Tifa and Shion xD
6/4/2009 c1 2Elemeffayoh
Asuna Tifa or Shion i cant choose between
6/1/2009 c1 Eitr
It's too early for me to start saying whether I think this is a good fic or not, I'll leave that till about the 2nd or 3rd chapter before I make my opinion about it.

Though I will point out that I am enjoying the fact you've included the villain from one of my beloved childhood shows so that's a point for you, where it goes from here remains to be seen, all I can say is that I think it's off to a promising start.

Also in regards to the pairings, I would like to see Kos-Mos since I'm interested in seeing how you will handle this, the other two slots I'd like to see filled by Tifa and Shion.
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