Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Star Fox 40,000: Realm of Chaos :: Eternal War

2/18/2019 c7 MrMasterplan
So, when is this alternate/rewritten sequel coming out?
2/25/2015 c7 Bebop Wolf
Okay first off your story has a very interesting premise and all but I think you're better off not doing WH 40k. For starters never have I seen the Space Marines been so downplayed. Do you even know what they're capable off? Not to mention do you even have a single clue just how durable their armor is? None of these Lylatian weapons can do shit against their armor. Yet why do I see them getting killed like regular mooks? They're not called the "Imperium's Finest" for nothing you know.

I hope in this rewrite of yours will do them justice. Otherwise you're better off not writing anything about them at all.
1/16/2013 c6 Random dude
I would like to say that this is a most interesting crossover, and one that also has very good character development, and that in my opinion this story is one of the best i have read. I would like to ask when can we expect an update.
10/10/2011 c6 10Inquisitor Azreal
I love this story but please continue its to epic to let die
2/9/2011 c6 SF Ghost
Well, GamerJay, after some absence, I'm pleased to say that you've done it again.

You've successfully managed to craft another piece of the ever-expanding and intriguing tale of Lylat in the 41st Millennium. This chapter really lays the facts out for us - the Lylatians are going to fight with tooth and claw(!) if they want their system back, that's for sure...

Technically speaking, I'm pleased to see that you still honour your traditional style of writing, which has by now become your unique trademark. The characteristic blend of conversations and action is good to see, and I for one would not want to see it go away.

Further, in this chapter you nicely elaborate on Jacques' views, as is evident in his interaction with Taldeer. This situation also demonstrates the fact that even Jacques Mortensen needs help from time to time - a vulnerability, which suits the Astartes well in terms of future character development. I hope we will see more of this in the future.

I can think of nothing else to say than extremely good work on this new chapter! Once again, you've proved that there is only war in the 41st Millennium (and what does Chaos need an Imperator Titan for? In Lylat?). Many questions have been raised here, and I cannot wait to see how the exciting and complex offensive develops on the Lylatian fronts (Fortuna, Fichina etc.) in the chapters to come. I wish you the very best of luck with your future writing-endeavours! :-)

Sincerely,

-SF Ghost
7/6/2010 c1 3Anbraxis
I apologize for not reviewing sooner. I'm just that lazy.

Excellent story so far, although I believe that you should put all of their back stories on a separate story. I think that these, although wonderfully written and (tear jerking I must say), distract from the main body of the story to the point where I find myself skipping the back story to get to the "meat" of the story if you will. Just a minor complaint however, I think that it deserves no merit as I'm just a babbling babbit.

Seven, very very interesting character. If she was alive in some way, I wonder how "David" would react?

I absolutely love your stories, and I will review them soon. I hope to see you return soon enough, to read this epic saga that is one of the most compelling stories I have read so far.

Why do you have so few reviews *fumes* you deserve far far better then this. Stories that are far far worse then this get a thousand! Utterly unfair in my opinion... Please accept the ravings and praise of this nutter.

-Anbraxis
3/24/2010 c5 31GamerJay
Hey thanks for your reviews, guys.

I'll take your advice. I'll write this at my own pace and when I feel comfortable. I'll try not to let the issue of reviews get me down, either.

Anyway, thanks. :-)
3/21/2010 c5 SF Ghost
GamerJay,

I can only say that I support what your other reviewers have told you: Write this story for your own sake and because you want to deliver an exciting tale to us. And allow me to speak from my own experience: Slim periods of reviews will occur in any story, but it's not a constant; things will come around again. You can be quite sure of that. :-)

Now, this also ties in to something I would like to say about your latest chapter: It is of quite a fitting length, and it would definitely be a shame if you let this severe cliffhanger remain incomplete, for I certainly have an undeniable urge to know how the rest of this gradually escalating conflict will play out for the Coalition and all of Lylat. Especially now that all of the central characters all seem to be in some form of a grave predicament. It is the best possible place to conclude with a cliffhanger, just as it should be. Expertly done!

With this new chapter, you once again prove that you can develop plots full of suspense and formidable action. In my opinion, the fight in space between the Chaos ships and the Coalition fleet was a stellar example of your skills of writing battles of breathtaking scope and depth. Similarly, the entrance of the Chosen on the surface of Venom served as a catalyst for the Astartes to prove their mettle in fierce battle once again. Excellent! :-)

Naturally, one cannot expect character development in every chapter, but yet you manage to describe a broken and somewhat damaged Star Fox Team, suffering from the horrors of war. Nonetheless, your focus this time was on the monumental conflicts taking place on Venom, and you should be lauded for your clear focus. Every plot-device has its chapter, if I may say so myself.

However, what did detract somewhat from the writing was the typos and grammar mistakes, which were for some reason more apparent in this chapter than the previous. Still, it's nothing that proofreading won't fix.

All in all, your story is as promising as ever, especially now that you've introduced this drastic cliffhanger. I will be eagerly awaiting to see how that plays out. I wish you the very best of luck with your next chapter, and I can assure you that I will follow this story until its completion. :-)

Great work on this one.

Sincerely,

SF Ghost.
3/20/2010 c5 PBJ
Excellent chapter so far! I usually don't review, but because you asked...

I've been following this story and the one before it for some time, and I must say, it ranks up with the best on this site. As for the length, no chapter is ever too long! I don't know much about 40k canon, but from what I've seen, the story seems fine (for the most part anyways). Looking forward to the next chapter! Keep it up!
3/20/2010 c5 Ultimus Romani
Good overall chapter. I wouldn't worry about the number of reviews so much; write the story because you want to, not because we want you to. I can't speak for the others, but the last chapter was published at a particularly busy time for me. Maybe you just caught us all off guard. On a critical note, the main thing detracting from your work at this point are those last few grammar and spelling mistakes. Strive for perfection, man! Proofread your work, then do so again. If you want, get someone else to proofread for you. Take as much time as you need to eliminate those last mistakes and your work will be excellent overall. That being said, I still like where this story is going, and I'll stick with it until the end. Also, disregard point B of the below review, as it is very clear that Lylatians are foul xenos who blaspheme the Emprah and should be properly cleansed at a more convenient time.

As always, carry on and keep up the good work.

Thought for the day: A man subjected to an alien is no man at all.
3/20/2010 c5 Lord Arcturus
All stories get their ups and downs as far as reviews go. I've seen brilliantly awesome stories on the site get tons of consistant reviews every chapter then go one or more chapters getting only a few, or none at all, then get more reviews again and the story drives on.

Your story isn't any different, reviews'll pick up.

Now,onto the story. Questions I've been meaning to ask for a while.

A.] Why have the Imperials named the Lylatians after a Japanese dress? Why not something in Gothic [Latin]?

B.] Are the Imperials in this going by false information when dealing with the Lylatians or are they just being really headbangingly stupid? The Lylatian's are clearly Abhuman, all the evidence screams this fact.

C.]Are you going by an altered version of 40k? Because over the course of this series I've noticed many glaring mistakes with 40K canon. Some of these may have been simple mistakes but some were too...'out there' to be such.

There were more but I can't remember them at the moment.

Anyway this was a decent chapter, never got an alert for it which is strange but I guess it's a good thing I noticed your note about it in your new Fallout 3 story. And no it's not too long, in fact it was shorter than usually but I'm not complaining. There is enough action and suspense; plot exposition can be handled a little better but it's still well above average. All in all good job.
3/20/2010 c5 Necron Dragon Lord of D.A
Good chapter as always ...

But asnwering your question...

where are my reviewers?

To much time offline = impatient readers...only few ,puttin emphasis FEW will remaind loyal is not all of them...
3/17/2010 c4 Disciple of Khorne
Update already!
1/8/2010 c4 Lord Arcturus
This was an awesome chapter; and quiet and interesting plot twist near the end.

Sorry 'bout the late, and super short, review, read this update when it first went up and forgot about hitting the all magical review button, stupid me. Anyhow, like always, hope to see more of this.
12/18/2009 c4 Ultimus Romani
It appears that I missed the update notice for this chapter. Don't worry, I've been sticking with this story for far too long to give up on it. I'll stick with it until the end. After all, I have yet to see the Imperium's righteous smackdown of all heretical forces.

As for the chapter itself, I can't really say much that SF Ghost hasn't already covered. Your grammar has certainly come a long way since the beginning of the SF40k story arc. There are a few passages, here and there, that seem somewhat odd to me, i.e. Slippy being allowed to tag along on a raid into Chaos territory despite his lack of experience/basic training in this field; however, these passages are related to character/plot development, so I can accept them. It is also your story, after all. I'm certainly looking forward to more.

Carry on and keep up the good work.

Thought for the day: Ruthlessness is the kindness of the wise.
32 Page 1 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service