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for Only What You Take With You

6/12/2009 c2 Ceres McClure
I am enjoying where this story is headed. From the description you've laid out, I kind of get the feeling I know what's going to happen, but nonetheless, I can't wait to see how it pans out. You write with the confidence of someone who really knows the EU, which I admire. I'm looking forward to reading more.
6/11/2009 c2 15mysticLegend11
It's interesting, because you don't see many fics like this, not romantic at all. The only complaint I have is that the writing style is a bit verbose. You're overstating things that could be described simpler. The syntax isn't awkward, just... overdone. Also, the changes in the first chapter are a bit abrupt. Her tangent about everything is a bit boring, to be honest. It's rambling and divergent. If you want to hook the reader, think of the prologue in any of the main episodes. There's action, excitement, death, despair, hope. Converting the first chapter into a film would be dreadfully awful. I'm not saying you should compare it like that, but I kept procrastinating because the first chapter didn't engage the reader to keep reading.

But so far you've created a story that's natural. I can see this as an actual EU storyline thanks to its realistic approach and use of dramatic irony.

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