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for Franki Brooklyn

7/25/2009 c2 2Delta Sierra
Here we go. I'm going to review chapter by chapter and tell you about the grammar errors in each so that you can be able to go back and find them all to correct this story.

Slang form of -ing should have an apostrophe at the end (example, "comin'").

"huh Cowboy" should be "huh, Cowboy" because you need commas when addressing somebody.

"No she's not look she's in the alley" should be "No, she's not. Look, she's in the alley" because "no" is an interjection it needs a comma afterward, and the second part of the dialogue made it appear like a run-on because "look" was being used as an interjection as well.

"Please Jack. Ya..." should be "please, Jack. Ya..." because you need commas when addressing somebody (said above, too. Sorry for being redundant).

Overall, the chapter could probably have used some more detail to get readers' into the story, but it's alright. Remember to put the horizontal bar up before/after the author note so that the notes don't run into the story.
6/12/2009 c7 Amy

WRITE MORE!I love this story and I can't LIVE until you post more! I'm already going crazy! There's no air! The walls are closing in! PLEASE! write more!
6/12/2009 c7 6JeNnIcA-iS-tHe-BoMb
HI! I love your story so far!

6/11/2009 c3 11LovesBrooklyn
I'm really loving it so far! You've done a great job with this one.

I would work on linking your ideas together to make longer chapters maybe. Other that, your grammer and structure looks very good!
6/9/2009 c4 1a star fall
Hey there, I am really enjoying your story so far. It is mysterious because we don't know what happened in Brat and Spot's history and it is well written. I like that the chapters are short and easy to read. Do Mush and Brat have any history? I feel like they might! Keep up the good writing!
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