for Down The Rabbit Hole: Love Hina Arc3/27/2014 c11 
5Godogma
Since I don't have to worry about this being updated, I won't bother going into what parts of it would have to develop in order for me to read it further...
It was definitely an interesting premise, but all the rank stupidity that was being forced on Ranma and him not showing he had anything resembling a spine was quickly killing the fic for me. He owned the place, and all he had to do was say "I'm leaving unless you do this..." and then the place will be for sale within 5 days would have nipped a LOT of bullshit that quickly ruins things for me in the bud.
Some of it is alright and in character, but it being the overarching plot it was in Love Hina or Ranma 1/2 I just won't tolerate in stuff I read anymore. I just don't see a point in it; it never adds anything to the plot of any fic that focuses on it and detracts from the fic ever going anywhere.
5GodogmaSince I don't have to worry about this being updated, I won't bother going into what parts of it would have to develop in order for me to read it further...
It was definitely an interesting premise, but all the rank stupidity that was being forced on Ranma and him not showing he had anything resembling a spine was quickly killing the fic for me. He owned the place, and all he had to do was say "I'm leaving unless you do this..." and then the place will be for sale within 5 days would have nipped a LOT of bullshit that quickly ruins things for me in the bud.
Some of it is alright and in character, but it being the overarching plot it was in Love Hina or Ranma 1/2 I just won't tolerate in stuff I read anymore. I just don't see a point in it; it never adds anything to the plot of any fic that focuses on it and detracts from the fic ever going anywhere.
3/27/2014 c10 Godogma
Yes, he's hit by them because he lets them.
If this is going to be one of those "everyone beats on Ranma and he never does anything about it" fics it's not really worth reading to me.
I'm from the US, not Japan and "Tsundere" isn't a valid form of entertainment to me.
Ranma at this point should flat out lay down the law, "Look, I own this bloody place, you want to act like an idiot? I can find new tenants. Either shape up or get out!"
Yes, he's hit by them because he lets them.
If this is going to be one of those "everyone beats on Ranma and he never does anything about it" fics it's not really worth reading to me.
I'm from the US, not Japan and "Tsundere" isn't a valid form of entertainment to me.
Ranma at this point should flat out lay down the law, "Look, I own this bloody place, you want to act like an idiot? I can find new tenants. Either shape up or get out!"
3/24/2014 c11 spicarus
Once again Ranma show's he can't think on his feet.
So much potential, hope you get back to it.
And I hope you have the tomboy and sword-girl learn that it is not O.K. to just go and hit someone for every imagined insult/compromising situation. Even though the original authors of these two series seemed to think it was.
Once again Ranma show's he can't think on his feet.
So much potential, hope you get back to it.
And I hope you have the tomboy and sword-girl learn that it is not O.K. to just go and hit someone for every imagined insult/compromising situation. Even though the original authors of these two series seemed to think it was.
11/3/2013 c1 36Vahn
I want to see more of this story! Rare Ranma love hin one. I hope you find the time to continue it.
36VahnI want to see more of this story! Rare Ranma love hin one. I hope you find the time to continue it.
6/9/2013 c1 88mdizzle
If it really has all that stuff you mentioned than maybe you should up the rating
88mdizzleIf it really has all that stuff you mentioned than maybe you should up the rating
12/24/2012 c2 16LordsFire
Since you asked for it, I'll give you some corrections/feedback here. Note that on the whole, you tend to have sentences that are either too long, have too few commas to give them 'rhythm,' or both. I tend towards long sentences myself, but make extensive use of commas and semi-colons to mostly mitigate the run-on issues.
"He watched as at every turn his father tried to keep the younger Ranma from reading what he denounced as useless books harping pointless it was for the young boy to read them when the only thing he needed to know was the art."
Comma lack, and you're missing some word(s) between 'harping' and 'pointless' in the above.
"despite the old bastards" should have an apostrophe in 'bastard's.'
"Despite this the younger Ranma had few friends as he devoted himself to his book learning and spending time with his sister teaching her what he had learned, that is when he wasn't spending his time with his grandmother learning the Urashima Style"
'That is' is an inappropriate word-usage for third person past tense storytelling, an appropriate substitution would be 'at least,' though it is hardly the only option.
In this paragraph:
His mother, Nodoka Urashima at the time Saotome, wanted nothing of her husband citing that Genma was not the man she thought she had married. Not only did she considered him unmanly for his failure to provide her with a second child but for his refusal to allow her son anything in the way of scholarly pursuits so that he would not become the uncouth ruffian her husband seemed set on turning him in to instead of the epitome of manliness she wished her son to be.
There should be another comma after 'Urashima,' it should be 'consider' not 'considered,' there should probably be another comma after 'child,' another after 'pursuits,' 'in to' should be 'into,' and should also have a comma stuck on the end of it.
"Not having a second child was the reason behind Nodoka's adoption Kanako."
You're missing an 'of' between 'adoption' and 'Kanako.' The other sentence in that short paragraph is also hurting for more commas.
I didn't find anything too egregious in the rest of the chapter.
16LordsFireSince you asked for it, I'll give you some corrections/feedback here. Note that on the whole, you tend to have sentences that are either too long, have too few commas to give them 'rhythm,' or both. I tend towards long sentences myself, but make extensive use of commas and semi-colons to mostly mitigate the run-on issues.
"He watched as at every turn his father tried to keep the younger Ranma from reading what he denounced as useless books harping pointless it was for the young boy to read them when the only thing he needed to know was the art."
Comma lack, and you're missing some word(s) between 'harping' and 'pointless' in the above.
"despite the old bastards" should have an apostrophe in 'bastard's.'
"Despite this the younger Ranma had few friends as he devoted himself to his book learning and spending time with his sister teaching her what he had learned, that is when he wasn't spending his time with his grandmother learning the Urashima Style"
'That is' is an inappropriate word-usage for third person past tense storytelling, an appropriate substitution would be 'at least,' though it is hardly the only option.
In this paragraph:
His mother, Nodoka Urashima at the time Saotome, wanted nothing of her husband citing that Genma was not the man she thought she had married. Not only did she considered him unmanly for his failure to provide her with a second child but for his refusal to allow her son anything in the way of scholarly pursuits so that he would not become the uncouth ruffian her husband seemed set on turning him in to instead of the epitome of manliness she wished her son to be.
There should be another comma after 'Urashima,' it should be 'consider' not 'considered,' there should probably be another comma after 'child,' another after 'pursuits,' 'in to' should be 'into,' and should also have a comma stuck on the end of it.
"Not having a second child was the reason behind Nodoka's adoption Kanako."
You're missing an 'of' between 'adoption' and 'Kanako.' The other sentence in that short paragraph is also hurting for more commas.
I didn't find anything too egregious in the rest of the chapter.
9/26/2012 c11 Zikarn Krais
Meh, I hope none of the girls pair up with Ranma.
All they'd do would be to drag him down. Believe me, Love Hina was not meant to be a lesson-learning environment. It's a romantic comedy.
So Ranma would learn nothing that he could not learn in his initial universe.
All this means is that Grandfather is an idiot, which is something we already knew.
If only Ranma were a more vindicative person and could put Naru and Motoko in their place. But eh, he may not be too chauvinistic, but he won't fight weak opponents like them. He'll just let them hit him like he did Akane.
Idiot boy...
Suggestions for the story: None, really. It seems like you're just following canon, really. And the fact that you have Ranma putting up with all this is amusing. Why should he care if the girls get thrown out and the inn is put under the State? He shouldn't.
So he should've just done a hike. The fact that he didn't means that all you're doing is trying to fit Love Hina canon with a Ranma. Which I can understand, but you might as well put anyone's name in there at this point and it'd be basically the same thing, plus or minus a few details.
Meh, I hope none of the girls pair up with Ranma.
All they'd do would be to drag him down. Believe me, Love Hina was not meant to be a lesson-learning environment. It's a romantic comedy.
So Ranma would learn nothing that he could not learn in his initial universe.
All this means is that Grandfather is an idiot, which is something we already knew.
If only Ranma were a more vindicative person and could put Naru and Motoko in their place. But eh, he may not be too chauvinistic, but he won't fight weak opponents like them. He'll just let them hit him like he did Akane.
Idiot boy...
Suggestions for the story: None, really. It seems like you're just following canon, really. And the fact that you have Ranma putting up with all this is amusing. Why should he care if the girls get thrown out and the inn is put under the State? He shouldn't.
So he should've just done a hike. The fact that he didn't means that all you're doing is trying to fit Love Hina canon with a Ranma. Which I can understand, but you might as well put anyone's name in there at this point and it'd be basically the same thing, plus or minus a few details.
6/21/2012 c11 Lord Mortensen
I love this fanfic...can you update?..you have six months, and you cant update..please update soon!
I love this fanfic...can you update?..you have six months, and you cant update..please update soon!
6/1/2012 c11 1Dairegh
Updaaaaate! T-T
...please? This story is hilarious, and well written. I would love it if you would post the next chapter... And I'll bet a ton of other people would too! : D
-Ara
1DaireghUpdaaaaate! T-T
...please? This story is hilarious, and well written. I would love it if you would post the next chapter... And I'll bet a ton of other people would too! : D
-Ara
2/3/2012 c11 Genericrandom
Ha! This reads like a classic Ranma arc. So few people ever manage them. The question is, will Ranma succeed or fail here? When it comes to secrets, he tends to fail... it'll be interesting.
Ha! This reads like a classic Ranma arc. So few people ever manage them. The question is, will Ranma succeed or fail here? When it comes to secrets, he tends to fail... it'll be interesting.
2/2/2012 c10 Genericrandom
While totally in keeping with canon, I feel you broke away from Haruka's established character in this chapter somewhat. She's been extremely even handed in this, but to say nothing to Narusegawa after she could have so easily totaled her Teahouse... well, I guess Nerima syndrome must be setting in already. I figure by chapter thirty Haruka will be all but setting him up at this rate. Maybe it'll take until chapter forty though.
While totally in keeping with canon, I feel you broke away from Haruka's established character in this chapter somewhat. She's been extremely even handed in this, but to say nothing to Narusegawa after she could have so easily totaled her Teahouse... well, I guess Nerima syndrome must be setting in already. I figure by chapter thirty Haruka will be all but setting him up at this rate. Maybe it'll take until chapter forty though.
2/2/2012 c9 Genericrandom
Yeah! When you're rehashing way too much canon because you started at the beginning, it's the little changes that are really important.
Yeah! When you're rehashing way too much canon because you started at the beginning, it's the little changes that are really important.
2/2/2012 c6 Genericrandom
Even though it was expected and happened in canon, damn that's cold Hina. Damn.
I'm thrilled to hear that this is more of a story about Ranma and his adventures whereas Vicissitude was more of a story about a world that was generally influenced by Ranma. Good stuff.
Even though it was expected and happened in canon, damn that's cold Hina. Damn.
I'm thrilled to hear that this is more of a story about Ranma and his adventures whereas Vicissitude was more of a story about a world that was generally influenced by Ranma. Good stuff.
2/2/2012 c5 Genericrandom
Last chapter was kinda 'meh' but this one was pretty good. I've read a few Ramna/Love Hina crossovers before, I think I like this one a lot more then most of the other ones I've read so far. Pretty good stuff. That said if this is a lead up to a Ranma-chan double life? Bleh.
Last chapter was kinda 'meh' but this one was pretty good. I've read a few Ramna/Love Hina crossovers before, I think I like this one a lot more then most of the other ones I've read so far. Pretty good stuff. That said if this is a lead up to a Ranma-chan double life? Bleh.