for Down The Rabbit Hole: Love Hina Arc2/2/2012 c3 Genericrandom
Unless you handwave it away or come up with a reasonable explanation random ice placed by a random deity (or the crazy old guy) is pretty lame, imo. Otherwise... it's a Ranma/Keitaro mix in the opening of Love Hina. Not much else to say.
Unless you handwave it away or come up with a reasonable explanation random ice placed by a random deity (or the crazy old guy) is pretty lame, imo. Otherwise... it's a Ranma/Keitaro mix in the opening of Love Hina. Not much else to say.
2/2/2012 c2 Genericrandom
Mmm... not bad. I like the way you've managed to blend the universes. It also goes to show that no matter how hard they try, Genma and Nodoka really aren't fit to be parents.
Mmm... not bad. I like the way you've managed to blend the universes. It also goes to show that no matter how hard they try, Genma and Nodoka really aren't fit to be parents.
1/10/2012 c11 MoroboshiA
cool. I look forward to future chapters, and I agree that the Love Hina girls, with the possible exception of Mutsumi, would not be good for Ranma. I do wonder, however, will some of the Ranma girls such as Shampoo or Kodachi show up? I know that it would make for a mass amount of chaos (poor Ranma). I also have to wonder if Ranma will start to fight back against Motoko and Naru. Don't forget, they would both be considered martial artists because of Motoko's upbringing and Naru's training with Seta. Therefore it would be plausible for Ranma to duel them and win. I have to wonder, what will happen when Ranma's whole history comes out with the girls.
I look forward to future chapters. Please finish this tale.
MoroboshiA
cool. I look forward to future chapters, and I agree that the Love Hina girls, with the possible exception of Mutsumi, would not be good for Ranma. I do wonder, however, will some of the Ranma girls such as Shampoo or Kodachi show up? I know that it would make for a mass amount of chaos (poor Ranma). I also have to wonder if Ranma will start to fight back against Motoko and Naru. Don't forget, they would both be considered martial artists because of Motoko's upbringing and Naru's training with Seta. Therefore it would be plausible for Ranma to duel them and win. I have to wonder, what will happen when Ranma's whole history comes out with the girls.
I look forward to future chapters. Please finish this tale.
MoroboshiA
12/27/2011 c11 
8Dumbledork
I can see the future and it doesn't look good for Ranma. Poor bastard. Nice chapter btw.
8DumbledorkI can see the future and it doesn't look good for Ranma. Poor bastard. Nice chapter btw.
12/27/2011 c11 burgerkong
I just finished reading the fic, and I find the crossover to be incredibly unique. I can't help but wonder why Ranma of this universe decided to die, but maybe that will be clarified? Regardless, can't wait for more, though I'm wondering if there will be pairings (though to be honest I can't really see Ranma with any of the Love Hina girls). Merry (belated) Christmas!
I just finished reading the fic, and I find the crossover to be incredibly unique. I can't help but wonder why Ranma of this universe decided to die, but maybe that will be clarified? Regardless, can't wait for more, though I'm wondering if there will be pairings (though to be honest I can't really see Ranma with any of the Love Hina girls). Merry (belated) Christmas!
12/26/2011 c11 Ranmaleopard
this is extremely awesome i really cant wait to see what happens next please continue!
this is extremely awesome i really cant wait to see what happens next please continue!
12/26/2011 c11 deitarionSSokolow
*grin* Entertaining chapter. A bit short for my tastes, but fun nonetheless. Of course, I like just about anything that puts decent effort into exploring how Ranma reacts when the "implications of the curse" button is pushed, so that helps even if you only sort of skimmed over that facet for humor's sake. Nice touch with having Nodoka almost saying "Study this. There will be a test," so Ranma can't simply get rid of them and ignore the whole thing.
It's Christmas, so I took the time to do some serious proofreading as asked. I'd intended to proofread the whole thing, but I forgot how draining it is to force myself NOT to skip over the errors in a chapter of this sort. (Highly entertaining, errors that are generally easy to miss, my "all or nothing" psychology when it comes to looking for mistakes, etc.) Sorry about that.
Anyway, Here's a list of things to feed into "search and replace". Further down, it includes explanations so you know what to keep your eyes out for in the rest of it.
"schedule Ranma" - "schedule, Ranma"
"With a shrug he" - "With a shrug, he"
"he piled picked" - "he picked"
"Normally Kitsune would've" - "Normally Kitsune would've"
"quite sizable almost", - "quite sizable, almost"
"and just a bit deeper in depth" - "and just a bit deeper"
"In effect the" - "In effect, the"
"and with their being three Ranma" - "and, with there being three, Ranma"
"With a shrug Ranma" - "With a shrug, Ranma"
"Kitsunes" - "Kitsune's"
"Just remember son" - "Just remember, son,"
"Slipping the letter back into its envelope Ranma turned to the trunks." - "Slipping the letter back into its envelope, Ranma turned to the trunks."
"I know the last time we spoke to each other our words we not the most pleasant" - "I know, the last time we spoke to each other, our words were not the most pleasant"
"the Urashima heir blinked. Then blinked again." - "the Urashima heir blinked... then blinked again." ("Then blinked again" is part of the previous sentence... just delayed. Use an ellipsis.)
"in nature ranging from" - "in nature, ranging from"
"taped to the top of the trunks inside hanging down" - "taped to the top of the trunk's inside, hanging down"
"Across the front of it in bold red ink was" - "Across the front of, it in bold red ink, was"
"Well, that solves where they came from," - "Well, that solves where they came from." (Use a period at the end. It's a complete sentence.)
`"Got that right." Ranma said with a nod. ` - `"Got that right," Ranma said with a nod. ` ("comma vs. period" ignores quotes. You didn't intend "Ranma said with a nod." to stand alone, so "Got that right," ends with a comma. A good rule of thumb is that periods and commas are focused on how you'd read it out loud. You don't say quotation marks, so period and comma use ignores them.)
"Now, along with your personal effects and clothing I have" - "Now, along with your personal effects and clothing, I have" (Forgot the second comma. Without it, someone might have to back up and re-read because they anticipated the flow being "Now, along with your personal effects and clothing I have sent," which would only be proven wrong when they tried to read "along a few things..." as a complete clause.)
"a little knowledge goes a long way and proper studying and preparation are key to succeeding but not all things" - "a little knowledge goes a long way, and proper studying and preparation are key to succeeding, but not all things" (The most natural complete sentence is "a little knowledge goes a long way but not all things..." with "and proper studying and preparation..." as an inserted clause)
"Experience is a key to success." - "Experience is key to success." (What you wrote is perfectly valid english, but the actual, commonly-used phrase is "Experience is THE key to success." with an implicit "the")
Your main problem seems to be comma use. A good rule of thumb for that is to try removing the mental pause. If I actually read "With a shrug Ranma" as it's written without the comma, I ask myself "What's a 'shrug Ranma'?". In that specific case, you need a comma because you're re-ordering things. "Ranma did something with a shrug" or "With a shrug, Ranma did something."
On a side note (don't worry if this isn't clear), it's sort of like how I wrote "most natural complete sentence" WITHOUT a comma between "natural" and "complete" because I wanted to say "the most natural of the possible complete sentences" rather than "the most natural and most complete of the possible sentences".
"I know, the last time we spoke to each other, our words were not the most pleasant" is a similar sort of thing but you use two commas when you're sticking an extra clause inside the middle of a sentence that's already perfectly valid and complete without it. ("I know our words were not the most pleasant" in this case)
Just keep in mind that, if you're inserting a pause where there DOESN'T need to be, at minimum, a mental one, then you want an ellipsis (...) rather than a comma.
*grin* Entertaining chapter. A bit short for my tastes, but fun nonetheless. Of course, I like just about anything that puts decent effort into exploring how Ranma reacts when the "implications of the curse" button is pushed, so that helps even if you only sort of skimmed over that facet for humor's sake. Nice touch with having Nodoka almost saying "Study this. There will be a test," so Ranma can't simply get rid of them and ignore the whole thing.
It's Christmas, so I took the time to do some serious proofreading as asked. I'd intended to proofread the whole thing, but I forgot how draining it is to force myself NOT to skip over the errors in a chapter of this sort. (Highly entertaining, errors that are generally easy to miss, my "all or nothing" psychology when it comes to looking for mistakes, etc.) Sorry about that.
Anyway, Here's a list of things to feed into "search and replace". Further down, it includes explanations so you know what to keep your eyes out for in the rest of it.
"schedule Ranma" - "schedule, Ranma"
"With a shrug he" - "With a shrug, he"
"he piled picked" - "he picked"
"Normally Kitsune would've" - "Normally Kitsune would've"
"quite sizable almost", - "quite sizable, almost"
"and just a bit deeper in depth" - "and just a bit deeper"
"In effect the" - "In effect, the"
"and with their being three Ranma" - "and, with there being three, Ranma"
"With a shrug Ranma" - "With a shrug, Ranma"
"Kitsunes" - "Kitsune's"
"Just remember son" - "Just remember, son,"
"Slipping the letter back into its envelope Ranma turned to the trunks." - "Slipping the letter back into its envelope, Ranma turned to the trunks."
"I know the last time we spoke to each other our words we not the most pleasant" - "I know, the last time we spoke to each other, our words were not the most pleasant"
"the Urashima heir blinked. Then blinked again." - "the Urashima heir blinked... then blinked again." ("Then blinked again" is part of the previous sentence... just delayed. Use an ellipsis.)
"in nature ranging from" - "in nature, ranging from"
"taped to the top of the trunks inside hanging down" - "taped to the top of the trunk's inside, hanging down"
"Across the front of it in bold red ink was" - "Across the front of, it in bold red ink, was"
"Well, that solves where they came from," - "Well, that solves where they came from." (Use a period at the end. It's a complete sentence.)
`"Got that right." Ranma said with a nod. ` - `"Got that right," Ranma said with a nod. ` ("comma vs. period" ignores quotes. You didn't intend "Ranma said with a nod." to stand alone, so "Got that right," ends with a comma. A good rule of thumb is that periods and commas are focused on how you'd read it out loud. You don't say quotation marks, so period and comma use ignores them.)
"Now, along with your personal effects and clothing I have" - "Now, along with your personal effects and clothing, I have" (Forgot the second comma. Without it, someone might have to back up and re-read because they anticipated the flow being "Now, along with your personal effects and clothing I have sent," which would only be proven wrong when they tried to read "along a few things..." as a complete clause.)
"a little knowledge goes a long way and proper studying and preparation are key to succeeding but not all things" - "a little knowledge goes a long way, and proper studying and preparation are key to succeeding, but not all things" (The most natural complete sentence is "a little knowledge goes a long way but not all things..." with "and proper studying and preparation..." as an inserted clause)
"Experience is a key to success." - "Experience is key to success." (What you wrote is perfectly valid english, but the actual, commonly-used phrase is "Experience is THE key to success." with an implicit "the")
Your main problem seems to be comma use. A good rule of thumb for that is to try removing the mental pause. If I actually read "With a shrug Ranma" as it's written without the comma, I ask myself "What's a 'shrug Ranma'?". In that specific case, you need a comma because you're re-ordering things. "Ranma did something with a shrug" or "With a shrug, Ranma did something."
On a side note (don't worry if this isn't clear), it's sort of like how I wrote "most natural complete sentence" WITHOUT a comma between "natural" and "complete" because I wanted to say "the most natural of the possible complete sentences" rather than "the most natural and most complete of the possible sentences".
"I know, the last time we spoke to each other, our words were not the most pleasant" is a similar sort of thing but you use two commas when you're sticking an extra clause inside the middle of a sentence that's already perfectly valid and complete without it. ("I know our words were not the most pleasant" in this case)
Just keep in mind that, if you're inserting a pause where there DOESN'T need to be, at minimum, a mental one, then you want an ellipsis (...) rather than a comma.
12/26/2011 c11 10Wonderbee31
Man, Nodoka is bound to do all she can for her son, one way or the other it seems, and will be looking forward to more fallout wwith what happens with Ranma and Kits there.
10Wonderbee31Man, Nodoka is bound to do all she can for her son, one way or the other it seems, and will be looking forward to more fallout wwith what happens with Ranma and Kits there.
12/25/2011 c11 3Hiryo
wow another grand chapter I love and look forward to more chapters by you (as well from your other ranma fanfics)!
Please update soon!
3Hiryowow another grand chapter I love and look forward to more chapters by you (as well from your other ranma fanfics)!
Please update soon!
12/25/2011 c11 8Quathis
Ah, Nodoka will most likely be the death of him here, especially if she comes for a visit and starts talking about mistresses. Ranma might want to relocate to the other side of the planet or the moon in that case...
Good laughs and a nice setup for potential craziness with the not-date. Merry Christmas to you and yours, if you celebrate it. Until next time.
8QuathisAh, Nodoka will most likely be the death of him here, especially if she comes for a visit and starts talking about mistresses. Ranma might want to relocate to the other side of the planet or the moon in that case...
Good laughs and a nice setup for potential craziness with the not-date. Merry Christmas to you and yours, if you celebrate it. Until next time.
12/25/2011 c11 The Tell-Tale Man
That story of this part was amazingly good so please keep up this next story going and I'd appreciated.
That story of this part was amazingly good so please keep up this next story going and I'd appreciated.