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for The Slave Prince

6/22/2009 c3 babo123
I commend Allen for taking the best course of action when you have a womanising guardian trying to crop a feel!

I'm not sure if you've been notified but some of your romanji is a bit incorrect. Maybe try getting a beta reader? Overall great job!

Update soon ne~!

6/22/2009 c3 3Lochesh
your grammar has improved a lot! This chapter was very interesting to read and left me wondering what will happen next. ^^
6/22/2009 c3 AnimePinkGirl
Come on, who could blame Cross? Allen is just too pretty and cute :D!

I loved this chapter, but I noticed a little bit of spelling mistakes and run-on sentences.

All in all, this chapter ROCKED though :D!
6/21/2009 c1 babo123
Umm Cross? Bookman? Lavi? Komui? LOL I have no idea.

Please write more and update soon ne~!
6/21/2009 c2 11Stranger-of-the-void
this story seems to get interesting...

but wasn't it supposed to be a Yullen story ?

well, i will see it soon,i hope ^^
6/20/2009 c2 9lordvio
Ok, I'm reviewing as I read, so this will be quite choppy.

Fare- fair.

Master Fong- This name is Chinese, not Japanese.

Ohyo- Ohayo.

So des nei- so desu, ne?(Romanji, romanji da yo!)-It is, do you agree?

Wakarima-sem (Wakarimasen) It actually means 'do NOT understand'. Wakarimashita, wakarimasu, means understood, and respectively understand.

Your right- My right? Or You're right?

Wispy...I love this word. I have to use this too.

Ok, now commenting: I love this chapter. But you do need a beta. I hope I didn't make you angry. If I did...ignore me. Seriously.
6/20/2009 c2 3Lochesh
"Nihomgo = The traditional name of the Japanese language

Ohyo = Good Morning

Nei = Do you agree

So des nei = I agree

Wakatima-sem = I understand"

Should be: "Nihongo", Nihon meaning Japan, and 'go' added for language

"ohayou" - because in hiragana, it's written "o-ha-yo-u"


"Sou desu ne" - written in Hiragana "so-u-de-su-ne" desu is spoken with a silent "u" so it sounds like "des" but it's never written that way because there is no single "s" in hiragana

"wakarimashita" would be I understand. I'm not sure about "wakatima-sem". I've never heard it used before, but either way, it would be phonetically incorrect.

Fong...doesn't really sound Japanese. It would be more Chinese, and even then it would be a variant of the Chinese "Feng" meaning 'wind'.

This chapter showed a whole lot of improvement from the last. There are still some typos and grammar mistakes, but it's reduced a lot.

If you wish, I can proofread. I'm not a beta reader, nor do I claim to be, but I can scan it over for grammar, spelling and structure.
6/20/2009 c2 24asa-chan
I think you should get a beta-reader. You have grammar and spelling mistakes. It isn't a bad story but the tiny mistakes drag it down. And if you can't speak any Japanese I wouldn't use it. Fangirl Japanese just looks silly.

It's Nihongo.

- Ohayou

- Ne

- Sou desu ne

- Wakarimasu
6/19/2009 c2 MitarashiiDango


...a good...bag guy...ah...

lol. yea i get it.

...cross...in charge of a KINGDOM...god that is so messed up...i mean cross behind the wheels in a CAR is scary enough!


*grabs shoulders and shakes madly*

6/19/2009 c1 Sungoddess64
it was a really good intro it wasn't boring like some and kept you interested. as for grammar and speeling who cares it wasn't bad. it was a good start and made you want to read the next chapters.
6/19/2009 c1 3Lochesh
The idea you have and the plotline is very interesting. The grammar is sometimes confusing. There's not really spelling errors as much as typos. For example, weekend body, should be "weakened body."

A suggestion is to proofread it a couple times and use spellcheck. Proofreeding would work a lot better than spellcheck though, because like I said, it's really typos instead of spelling errors.
6/19/2009 c1 9lordvio
This is pretty good.

Some small mistakes that confuse me:

Thrown- throne.

Tudor- tutor.

Well, I'll be waiting for an update!
6/19/2009 c1 4SeikaDragon
Sound very interesting I wonder how Allen will be meet to Kanda
6/19/2009 c1 Wind In Your Whiskers
Well, seems pretty cool, but I think you might want to get a beta reader, there are quite a bit of grammatical errors showing their ugly faces around, hmm? Not just your grammar, the spawn of the devil aka SPELLING ERRORS have also made their way in. Heheh. Just proofread it maybe once or twice and use a spellcheck and you'll be right as rain!

Have a nice day! :]


PS: Who's the guy who's gonna take charge? Rouvelier? Lol.
6/19/2009 c1 MitarashiiDango
...NO! not Cross.



yea. it's gonna be cross ain't it...

argh...allen's life will be HELL.

god i love this plotline though.

oh and its weakened not weekend body.

just a typo :)


now update.
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