10/28/2009 c2 Akuma021
hey, ghost lord here and I've just finished reading this chapter and I've noticed some things that i think you should work on.
1. you use 'quite' to much, it gets kinda repetitive after a little while.
2. your grammar could use some work, do you read through your work before you post it to fix these things, if not i think you should try it, you might be surprised by the results.
3. try to use lots of different words to describe things, like instead of 'sly' maybe use 'coy' or 'impish'.
well, thats all the proplems i can see, otherwise the chapter was pretty good and i think you could be a great writer if you try a bit more.
signed ghost lord 101
hey, ghost lord here and I've just finished reading this chapter and I've noticed some things that i think you should work on.
1. you use 'quite' to much, it gets kinda repetitive after a little while.
2. your grammar could use some work, do you read through your work before you post it to fix these things, if not i think you should try it, you might be surprised by the results.
3. try to use lots of different words to describe things, like instead of 'sly' maybe use 'coy' or 'impish'.
well, thats all the proplems i can see, otherwise the chapter was pretty good and i think you could be a great writer if you try a bit more.
signed ghost lord 101
10/19/2009 c1 8Lord Blood
have you even read what you've written? how can you live with yourself after posting stuff like this?
have you even read what you've written? how can you live with yourself after posting stuff like this?
10/16/2009 c3 4Mysterious Old Guy
Interesting premise so far. Good fic, I look forward to seeing more.
Interesting premise so far. Good fic, I look forward to seeing more.
9/7/2009 c2 4Iron Reprieve
If you're who I think you are, then I found your story again, lol. Great job with the editing and hope to see more from this soon.
-IR
If you're who I think you are, then I found your story again, lol. Great job with the editing and hope to see more from this soon.
-IR
8/28/2009 c3 3crimsondeathknight
Oh boy i cant wait for you to update@!
oh dont mind the few reviewers...its common for those who have not wrote too-many stories..like me..just worry about the am mount of readers...
Oh boy i cant wait for you to update@!
oh dont mind the few reviewers...its common for those who have not wrote too-many stories..like me..just worry about the am mount of readers...
7/12/2009 c2 1kangwo
please have hyuga hanabi,along with hinata i love your story!
I love how u are usein the pan pipe
please have hyuga hanabi,along with hinata i love your story!
I love how u are usein the pan pipe
7/8/2009 c2 3crimsondeathknight
So it makes women grow hotter,and older..
could you put
hinata
sakrua
Hanabi due to jealous sister,who falls in love?
4 1/2 stars,all you gotta do is add longer chapters then chapters be perfect
So it makes women grow hotter,and older..
could you put
hinata
sakrua
Hanabi due to jealous sister,who falls in love?
4 1/2 stars,all you gotta do is add longer chapters then chapters be perfect
7/8/2009 c1 crimsondeathknight
pan flute,and amazon b4 konaha i believe it's true, as konaha is highly forested like amazon women land
the way your having a pan flute used in story is a bonus
yet
"the mysterious pan flute goes into her hand is giving off a slight glow." confuses me cus the pan flute gets into sakrua's hand..which you don't exslain how it got there ,and back into naruto's hand...
either way 4 and half stars out of five.
pan flute,and amazon b4 konaha i believe it's true, as konaha is highly forested like amazon women land
the way your having a pan flute used in story is a bonus
yet
"the mysterious pan flute goes into her hand is giving off a slight glow." confuses me cus the pan flute gets into sakrua's hand..which you don't exslain how it got there ,and back into naruto's hand...
either way 4 and half stars out of five.
7/3/2009 c1 Challenger
I think 3 of the notes should make the girls taller, younger, & older. Also here is a list of every single Naruto girl/woman I could find for all your choices on who can be in the NarutoxHarem(if these is what it is, also PS check my ideas for Kin & Tayuya):
Naruko(the name of Naruto's Sexy Jutsu Form, could become her own person with in Naruto's mind)
Kyuubi
Konan
Tsunami(Inari's Mom, from the Wave Mission Arch)
Hana(Kiba's Sister)
Tsume(Kiba's mom)
Hinata
Hanabi
Ino
Sakura
Inner Sakura
Karin
Kin(Could have been the lucky one that was in the coffin that was going to bring back the 4th Hokage in fight between the 3rd Hokage & Orochimaru. She now could be Leaf Ninja now & lives with Naruto.)
Tayuya(Could have be taken alive by Temari & Shikamaru to be interrogated. Kin, her friend convinces her to talk & join the Leaf & lives with Naruto along with Kin.)
Mikoto(Sasuke's/Itachi's mom can say Itachi hide her away)
Moegi
Rin(Kakashi's old female team-mate)
Haku
Tsunade
Shizune
Yugao
Anko
Kurenai
Tenten
Temari
Yugito
Nibi
Kagero(Fuma Clan)
Kotohime(Fuma Clan)
Sasame(Fuma Clan)
Yakumo(Kurama Clan)
Isaribi(Fish Girl from the sea monster filler)
Matsuri(Gaara's sudent & from the fial filler of part 1)
Sari(one of Matsuri's friends)
Hokuto(kunoichi from Village Hidden Among Stars)
Toki(princess of the Land of Birds)
Haruna(princess of the Land of Vegetables)
Shion(from Naruto Shippuden the Movie 1 and priestess from the Demon Country)
Koyuki/Yuki(From Naruto the Movie 1 and the princess of the Land of Snow/Spring)
Fubuki(from Naruto Movie 1)
Kamina(Naruto the Movie 2)
Ranke(Naruto the Movie 2)
Fugai(Naruto the Movie 2)
Suzumebachi(from the Kamizuru clan, aka bee girl from the bug finding filler)
Hisame(from the OVA, "Mission: Protect the Waterfall Village!")
Karenbana(Naruto the Movie 3)
Kujaku(from the final filler of Naruto part 1)
Shizuku(from Naruto Shippuden the Movie 1)
Tsubaki(Mizuki's ex-girlfriend & from the filler when Mizuki returns)
Fuen(from the 1st filler of Naruto Shippuden), Fuka(from the 1st filler of Naruto Shippuden)
Guren(from the 2nd filler of Naruto Shippuden)
the 7 Tail Jinchuriki(has yet been named, but has show picture of her from the manga)
7 Tail Beast
Samui(one of Killer Bee(8 Tail Jinchuriki)'s students that go looking for him after being captured by Sasuke)
Karui(one of Killer Bee(8 Tail Jinchuriki)'s students that go looking for him after being captured by Sasuke)
Hisame(from the short Naruto Movie "Protect the Waterfall Village")
Ayame(the Ramen girl)
Tamaki(Tamaki is the granddaughter of the "Elder Cat", both women operate a supply shop located in an abandoned city that Sasuke goes to before going after Itachi)
Kagura(from Naruto: Clash of Ninja Revolution 2)
Komachi(from Naruto: Clash of Ninja Revolution 2)
Princess Kasumi/Dusk(from Naruto: Ultimate Ninja Heroes 2 Phantom Fortress)
Shiho(girl which helped with Jiraya's message decoding)
Amaru(from the movie "Naruto Shippuden 2: Bonds" & is the Jinchuriki of Zero-Tailed)
Meno(Naruto: Uzumaki Chronicles 2)
Ami(was on of Sakura's bullies)
Emi(the woman who Itachi used to seduce Jiraiya in that town during the Search for Tsunade arc)
Suzume(a teacher at the Ninja Academy)
For best info on Naruto go to http:/naruto .wikia .com/wiki/Narutopedia *Remove Spaces*. This were I got all info of all girls/women from above.
I think 3 of the notes should make the girls taller, younger, & older. Also here is a list of every single Naruto girl/woman I could find for all your choices on who can be in the NarutoxHarem(if these is what it is, also PS check my ideas for Kin & Tayuya):
Naruko(the name of Naruto's Sexy Jutsu Form, could become her own person with in Naruto's mind)
Kyuubi
Konan
Tsunami(Inari's Mom, from the Wave Mission Arch)
Hana(Kiba's Sister)
Tsume(Kiba's mom)
Hinata
Hanabi
Ino
Sakura
Inner Sakura
Karin
Kin(Could have been the lucky one that was in the coffin that was going to bring back the 4th Hokage in fight between the 3rd Hokage & Orochimaru. She now could be Leaf Ninja now & lives with Naruto.)
Tayuya(Could have be taken alive by Temari & Shikamaru to be interrogated. Kin, her friend convinces her to talk & join the Leaf & lives with Naruto along with Kin.)
Mikoto(Sasuke's/Itachi's mom can say Itachi hide her away)
Moegi
Rin(Kakashi's old female team-mate)
Haku
Tsunade
Shizune
Yugao
Anko
Kurenai
Tenten
Temari
Yugito
Nibi
Kagero(Fuma Clan)
Kotohime(Fuma Clan)
Sasame(Fuma Clan)
Yakumo(Kurama Clan)
Isaribi(Fish Girl from the sea monster filler)
Matsuri(Gaara's sudent & from the fial filler of part 1)
Sari(one of Matsuri's friends)
Hokuto(kunoichi from Village Hidden Among Stars)
Toki(princess of the Land of Birds)
Haruna(princess of the Land of Vegetables)
Shion(from Naruto Shippuden the Movie 1 and priestess from the Demon Country)
Koyuki/Yuki(From Naruto the Movie 1 and the princess of the Land of Snow/Spring)
Fubuki(from Naruto Movie 1)
Kamina(Naruto the Movie 2)
Ranke(Naruto the Movie 2)
Fugai(Naruto the Movie 2)
Suzumebachi(from the Kamizuru clan, aka bee girl from the bug finding filler)
Hisame(from the OVA, "Mission: Protect the Waterfall Village!")
Karenbana(Naruto the Movie 3)
Kujaku(from the final filler of Naruto part 1)
Shizuku(from Naruto Shippuden the Movie 1)
Tsubaki(Mizuki's ex-girlfriend & from the filler when Mizuki returns)
Fuen(from the 1st filler of Naruto Shippuden), Fuka(from the 1st filler of Naruto Shippuden)
Guren(from the 2nd filler of Naruto Shippuden)
the 7 Tail Jinchuriki(has yet been named, but has show picture of her from the manga)
7 Tail Beast
Samui(one of Killer Bee(8 Tail Jinchuriki)'s students that go looking for him after being captured by Sasuke)
Karui(one of Killer Bee(8 Tail Jinchuriki)'s students that go looking for him after being captured by Sasuke)
Hisame(from the short Naruto Movie "Protect the Waterfall Village")
Ayame(the Ramen girl)
Tamaki(Tamaki is the granddaughter of the "Elder Cat", both women operate a supply shop located in an abandoned city that Sasuke goes to before going after Itachi)
Kagura(from Naruto: Clash of Ninja Revolution 2)
Komachi(from Naruto: Clash of Ninja Revolution 2)
Princess Kasumi/Dusk(from Naruto: Ultimate Ninja Heroes 2 Phantom Fortress)
Shiho(girl which helped with Jiraya's message decoding)
Amaru(from the movie "Naruto Shippuden 2: Bonds" & is the Jinchuriki of Zero-Tailed)
Meno(Naruto: Uzumaki Chronicles 2)
Ami(was on of Sakura's bullies)
Emi(the woman who Itachi used to seduce Jiraiya in that town during the Search for Tsunade arc)
Suzume(a teacher at the Ninja Academy)
For best info on Naruto go to http:/naruto .wikia .com/wiki/Narutopedia *Remove Spaces*. This were I got all info of all girls/women from above.