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for Do it for Tobi

12/22/2015 c2 thejew22
and you should make more, like a sequel or something to show what happens with him and Tobi c:
12/22/2015 c2 thejew22
Don't poop on me
8/4/2014 c2 Selena
I want to know what happens with him and Tobi!
7/5/2014 c2 Amishka
I was hoping for more tobi x dei-chan in this... Also wanting all the first times of Dei-chan for tobi... And here at the end of story where the man asked to come back again and dei-chan nodded... It felt like deidara coming back for him not for tobi...
Overall it was fantastic( the hot part especially ohohoho ) :)
5/4/2012 c2 Tobi X Deidara Forever
Aw this was great! I love that Dei went to the trouble for Tobi, shame u never finished this... I love this pair!
4/2/2012 c2 30LoveToTheCucumber
Okay, it seems like you have already decided that you don't want to continue the story - so here's a little advise: delete it.. If you don't wanna finish it, then I think you should delete it so people don't read it and then find out that there will never be more. Besides, if you aren't gonna finish it, then what use do you have of it?

Personally, I think you should continue it. You say it's cheesy with no plot? Well, girl, I've seen worse in that department. I don't think it's cheesy, it's just sweet in it's own freaky way xD.. And without a plot? Well, isn't the plot to get Deidara and Tobi together? That's a plot and many stories don't have any other plot than that so it's fine with me. Even if you can't stop thinking of it as a plotless, cheesy story, then think about this: people sometimes need these kind of stories. It's relaxing and not as committing as loooong stories with "serious" plots. Why do you think you got so many reviewers? yep, that's right, because it's well written and the storyline is interesting. Even the most cliché plot can become and awesome story if the writer makes a good storyline.

One question: I think I remember reading that Deidara fiddled with his ponytail or something, but later it said that he was wearing his hair down? - might not remember it right, but I think you actually wrote this. Just a minor mistake, nothing that ruins the story.

Wow, that guy is really... intimate.. for a prostitute? Most prostitutes refuse to kiss because it's too intimate and if anybody had acted like Deidara, they would just have taken advantage of it. Who wouldn't wanna get paid for nothing? I sure would enjoy it. Prostitutes aren't nymphoes (some might be, but that is not the main reason why people become it).. Mostly people become it either because of tracking (or whatever it's called xD) or because they don't have any other choice (money problems, for example) so his characters is really really..odd xD..

Oh, and I don't mind OOC characters. I don't care, actually, since I don't read fanfictions only to read people's ideas of a different storyline to the original stories. I usually read them because 1. I enjoy reading, 2. There is a lot of great authors in here and 3. because it's sometimes fun to read about characters you know from someone acting like they are someone else. It's just a story, after all. As long as you don't claim them to be in character when they are OOC then I don't see a problem with it? - and I can't tell you if I think that they are OOC since I don't know them that well.. But I like Tobi and Deidara's character so far..

Uhm, he came in his hand because he didn't want to spread disease or get it?.. Sorry to tell you, but if he or Deidara had a disease to begin with, there's a big possibility that they both have it now.. Any decent (and even not decent) prostitutes use condoms even when giving oral services. That's the only way not to spread any diseases since there is something that is called pre cum and condoms are the only thing that can protect the taker from that. Also, if Deidara was the one who had a disease, the other guy most likely has it now since anal sex typically results in small veins bursting in the bottom which results in spreading diseases.

Kami, Tobi has already reached the hide out! Damn, he's gonna give Deidara away now, that's for sure xD that stupid bastard better keep his mouth shut!

I like the paragraphs length better in this chapter and there were more descriptions. I still like you language even though there are a few words that you use maybe a little too often. Words that could easily be replaced by others. When describing something with an adverb or adjective, you should use a synonym dictionary sometimes. That way you vocabulary expands and you end up with a varied language, which makes a text so much more enjoyable to read..

All in all, though, I like the story and I think you should continue it. If you really don't like the way it's going, you should consider changing the storyline. You haven't really set any limits yet so you can do about anything with this story - besides from making Deidara discover that the prostitute was actually Tobi since I thought that was gonna happen because og the way the prostitute acted - even though it wouldn't make much sense if Tobi turned out to be the prostitute and you would have some serious explaining to do xD Lol... But I'm curious to see where it's going, even if you can guess already that they are gonna end up together. It doesn't really matter. As said, those kind of stories are nice to read once in a while^^.. and as said, again, you can just change the storyline if you are not happy with it and then make it less cheesy and less cliché is that is no longer what you are aiming for :)..

Okay, this might have gotten even longer than the first review xD LOL!... Well, I'm gonna put this on authors alert and you better at least consider continuing it!

About the church camp thing in the A/N, I'm not even gonna comment on that since I'm not religious and you would probably end up hating me if you don't already hate me after these reviews, lol xD..

PS. I like that - so far - you have taken things slowly. If you continue, then be careful not to pick up the pace too much. As long as a story is updated relatively frequently, it doesn't matter if it goes slowly. It just makes it that more realistic.
4/2/2012 c1 LoveToTheCucumber
Okay, you read some of one of my stories and I thought I would check one of yours out and that is when I stumbled over this one. It seemed pretty interesting xD Even though I haven't read about either Deidara nor Tobi before.. And you know what? The first chapter wasn't disappointing at all^^ It seems very interesting, which pisses me off since you haven't updated in.. well.. a long time.. So I kinda figured that this story was never gonna continue - which is a big drag since I like it already!

Hopefully my two reviews will encourage you to continue^^!

First of all.. I'm not a brothel expert, but if you were going for a kind of Netherlands' Red Light District, I'm pretty sure he should have gone to the Blue Light District instead, which is for transsexuals and gay men. Other than that, the price is usually discussed with the prostitute himself/herself and not the "receptionist" - since they don't exist in the Red Light District in Holland, as far as I know. Also, the prostitutes doesn't necessarily have pimps, and if they do, they don't display it. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with your brothel, I'm just pointing out that the original Red Light District is a little different. Only thing I find a little odd regardless if you went for the original Red Light District or not, is that most prostitutes in a proper brothel would discuss the price with the costumer him- or herself. Especially because Deidara haven't even said what he wanted the prostitute to for him yet. Different prices on different services, you know^^..

That's all about the brothel thing xD! Now on to the story..

I like your language, it doesn't get boring to read. Though there is a lot of direct talk in this and I don't think it would hurt the story to have a few more descriptions and thoughts instead of just talk. Also your paragraphs are a little small, but descriptions would solve this problem (- though it isn't really a problem, I guess the length of paragraphs are a matter of taste. I just like them a little longer so there aren't just one line in every single paragraph.)

After reading the first chapter, I can already say that I find the story kinda sweet - even though being in a brothel probably shouldn't be considered sweet xD.. And you story is good enough for me not to care that I don't even know or like Deidara and Tobi that much. I haven't really seen a lot of Tobi yet in the anime series, but I like him already. Deidara, on the other hand, I have never really liked him, but I find him cute in this xD Also, the idea of them as a pair isn't so odd when reading this. Hopefully Deidara will build up enough courage to tell Tobi about his feelings! - even though I guess I wouldn't if I was in his shoes xD.. Hardcore men - ninja of the Akatsuki - I guess you wouldn't really expect them to be gay and it might cause them trouble if anybody found out you were xD LOL!

By the way, I think Deidara is going to get in trouble if Tobi reaches Pein before him and asks him about the secret mission xD BUSTED! I hope Deidara catches up to him before that happens and tells him about his feelings so Tobi won't rat him out even if it isn't on purpose xD! Deidara/Tobi, what a cute couple*-*!

Okay, this got pretty long. Don't expect the next to be just as long since there won't be as much to comment on since I've already commented no the basics xD.. Oh well, if you surprise me with something I didn't expect, then maybe I'll have a lot of new things to comment on besides from the new happenings^^!

Keep up the good work.. I like it so far, as you should be able to see from my comment xD! Hopefully my review did at least something that made you wanna continue this story :D!

(Oh, and great to meet a fellow fanfictionist that reviews all chapters he/she reads. We are a rare kind xD!)
11/9/2011 c1 7Yamanvie
Oh yes, why to continue. Well, apparantly it's fairly popular. And it has a lot of potential for awesomeness. What will Tobi do when he finds out about Deidara(if he does), how will Deidara approach Tobi, what will be Tobi's reaction to it all, and some more hot perviness! And what about the prostitue? Does he show up in the fic again or what? It's a good kind of cliche if it is cliche at all, and I'm sure everyone who reviewed would agree they want MORE! I don't really expect it to continue, but I would like it to. So good luck with that. X3
11/9/2011 c2 Yamanvie
Lol! Well, that was fun. Do continue. And I must comment on the hottness of the prostitute. The image for him in my head is smokin'! I do want to know what happens. TELL ME MORE!
7/18/2011 c2 15Dysfunctional Serenity
Aww! It's so cute! X3 Deidra and Tobi are such an awesome, cute, and hot pairing but I was a little disappointed that Tobi was hardly even in it.
7/18/2011 c1 Dysfunctional Serenity
I think it's really cute how Deidra's so shy about his love for Tobi but also willing to do anything for it. I would like to see more done on it if you get some inspiration for it. ^-^
6/2/2011 c2 poofygurl17
Please continue story! It very good story!
1/3/2011 c2 2Black-Cl0thed-Angel
wow I don't even LIKE Naruto anymore and i found this awesome. 0.0 lol Tobi's soooo innocent in this... .

and wow r u sure Dei-chan's not going 2 end up with sho?
12/19/2010 c2 7homosexualsakura
I didn't review this immediately because I honestly had no clue of what to write ^^' I love giving constructive criticism, but all I can do is squeal and gush and praise you. What made this so great to me is just the simple concept of what Deidara is willing to do for Tobi (cue nosebleed)

And thank you for posting this.
11/12/2010 c2 naemi123
OMG u MUST continue it . this was one of the first Tobi/Dei i read. and i had been studying english (cuz i speak spanish) just to read fanfics like this one. so pleaseeeeee~ continue it :3
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